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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests who never like to join in party games

373 replies

SebHH · 12/03/2023 08:45

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 12/03/2023 11:04

Not hard. If you want to play, then do so. But don’t expect everyone to join in. Some would rather stick hot pockets in their eyes, and that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be everyone or no one.

dumpbag · 12/03/2023 11:07

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 10:55

In my experience of life, the sort of people who won't join in, let themselves go, just for a short while, the ones who don't dance, don't do fancy dress etc, are generally more controlling about life. But It's up to them, I don't try and dissuade them.

Some of us are disabled but you do you.

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 12/03/2023 11:07

Not doing an activity with set rules, or dressing yourself up to illustrate to some cultural stereotype, means you have to do something freeform and uncontrolled in your socialising. That takes imagination, listening skills, a sense of humour, intelligence (emotional and otherwise). Maybe that seems like too much like hard work for some people.

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

Bunnyhair · 12/03/2023 11:08

I think if these sorts of activities aren’t a cherished family bonding tradition, for most people they just feel a bit embarrassing (and/or boring).

I think you need to let people know if you’re inviting them specifically for game-playing. Give them an opportunity to turn down the invite if your heart is set on 100% participation.

Butterkistfiend · 12/03/2023 11:10

See I’m the opposite to most people it would seem. I’d be fine with a quiz game or a ‘guess the celebrity’ type game but games like monopoly, game of life, cards etc….nah. I used to enjoy them but find them pretty boring nowadays.

saraclara · 12/03/2023 11:10

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 10:55

In my experience of life, the sort of people who won't join in, let themselves go, just for a short while, the ones who don't dance, don't do fancy dress etc, are generally more controlling about life. But It's up to them, I don't try and dissuade them.

It's OP who's trying to control things in this instance. She wants them to join in something they clearly hate, because then not doing so (even good humouredly 'spoils the vibe'.

Some people are sociable and friendly, but are just uncomfortable in the spotlight. And these kinds of games put them in the spotlight.

We're a big quizzing family. My brother in law hates quizzes. But he recognises that at Christmas and maybe one other occasion in the year, we'll have a family quiz as part of the day. So he's happy to read a book, or just spectator for that half hour. And that's fine with us and fine with him. I wouldn't dream of thinking less of him for it, or thinking that he's somehow ruining our fun.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/03/2023 11:10

Twister?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/03/2023 11:11

knittingaddict · 12/03/2023 10:26

No. Much, much worse.

Show quote history

Twister?

Chikapu · 12/03/2023 11:12

Party games over the age of six are the devil's work.

Kennykenkencat · 12/03/2023 11:12

If your Ds wants to play a certain game then play it if you know that the other 16 year olds are open to playing games.
But a word of warning that others might not see it as fun and if it comes off as childish or it is enforced during the evening then he could regret trying to play it.

We have a lot of board games which we bring out on occasion but that is with close family only. The idea of party games at an adult party is for me a bit strange.
Something that has put me off going if I knew it was a thing that was going to be happening

The idea of forced fun sounds horrific. Your mil and sil sound like they are quite happy for you to do the games but just don’t want to join in. Leave it at that. If you feel uncomfortable I think you need to examine why.

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 12/03/2023 11:13

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

Yes indeed, let the gang bully the individual, so character forming.

ReneBumsWombats · 12/03/2023 11:13

Sometimes people are happier with a collaborative game so all the people are playing together against the game rather than against each other.

And sometimes not. Probably worth suggesting it, though. I wouldn't force it.

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 11:16

Just play your games and if they want to be miserable fucks let them 🤷‍♀️

Why are they miserable?

Maybe they just think OP’s games are shit.

I know quite a few people who would think playing a game like that is very sad and boring.

It would make them miserable having to join in.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 12/03/2023 11:17

I think it is fine. Unless they ask you not to play then I don't see why your kids should miss out.

What else would you be doing anyway?

dumpbag · 12/03/2023 11:21

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

I can't move out of my comfort zone. I'm autistic.

Nocutenamesleft · 12/03/2023 11:22

This would be my absolute heaven! Can I join?

Stravaig · 12/03/2023 11:23

I guess it’s 2 out of 8 of us that don’t enjoy

No. You, your DH, your 3 teens are hosting DM, MIL, SIL.
One set of hosts, three guests.
Or, two original families and two family cultures coming together.
Two of your three guests don't like games.
One of the two families doesn't like games.
One of the hosts doesn't like games.
But you always force them anyway. For years.
That's not great hosting. A bit performative happy families?

Why not let games happen spontaneously when its just those who like to play?

jemimapuddlepluck · 12/03/2023 11:24

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 12/03/2023 11:01

In my experience the fancy dress enthusiasts are the ones who like to exercise control - they tend to enjoy the concept of uniforms as well. And games are all about setting and keeping within rules. Let the people who enjoy games play the games.

Let those of us who think games are hell sit together somewhere else enjoying ourselves.

Oh my god, this is true!!! You're sat having a drink and natter or having a dance and some twat stands in the middle of everyone and insists on playing a game, they turn the music off to do this 😡They always get tetchy about the rules too!

Wife2b · 12/03/2023 11:26

Chikapu · 12/03/2023 11:12

Party games over the age of six are the devil's work.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that they’re playing musical chairs.

Elphame · 12/03/2023 11:26

Let them opt out.

Forcing guests to play games is appallingly bad hosting. I would hate it myself.

Invite the game lovers for a game session on their own but don't try and force them on everyone (and that includes your porr DH)

SoupDragon · 12/03/2023 11:34

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

so maybe consider that no everyone enjoys forced fun.

PillBoxes · 12/03/2023 11:43

I so agree that organised forced fun is awful for many people, me included. It is always "the boss" of the group that jollies the group up and ignores the looks of horror, boredom or sheer WTF from others when arranging what comes next. Ugh.

Leave them alone and don't do forced fun when they are with you anymore, or don't have them over and enjoy your own type of fun with those who do.

In my defence our family get togethers often involve a musical element, you know someone gets the fiddle out (Irish background), a guitar, the piano lid goes up and once the drinks flow it is brilliant. Only those who wish to sing or play do so, but eventually most join in and others can watch, listen and tap their feet. I like that kind of thing as it is organic and never planned out to the nth degree. But each to their own.

rainbowlou · 12/03/2023 11:44

Couldn’t imagine anything worse, you’re lucky they turn up, I’d have excuses at the ready every time.

Feuillemille23 · 12/03/2023 11:44

Did you adore hockey and other boisterous "team" sports at school by any chance, OP?! Think those that hated them were a bit odd??Everyone is different. One of my ideas of fun is sitting in a nice rural stone circle or garden with a coffee and a book. I'm fairly sure you'd hate it, not enough action and attention. I wouldn't expect you to join me.

Other times I'm happy to join in with charades or whatever, as I'm not always in the same mood. Why does it bother you so much that your relatives don't want to join in if they're happy just observing and being left in peace? Is it because you feel silently judged or something?

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