Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests who never like to join in party games

373 replies

SebHH · 12/03/2023 08:45

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 12/03/2023 10:45

The sorts of games might be “just a minute” or “one truth two lies” or “who am I?”

I'd be up for "just a minute", if I could smuggle Paul Merton in.

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 10:46

Also, I dislike the way that people who don’t like to play games are referred to as uptight, boring, fun sponges and other such terms. Just because some people don’t like the same things as you doesn’t make them wrong.

How is that any worse than all the people calling playing games cringey and childish - of which there is more on this thread?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/03/2023 10:46

Dh can just about handle a quiz but parlour games etc would fill him with horror

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/03/2023 10:47

If it ends up being you, your husband and your kids playing most of the time, then why not just play a game another time?

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 12/03/2023 10:48

The important thing is to be inclusive of those who don't play games - include them in the general chat and teasing, and completely respect their wishes to not play and active part.

Some of my family were avid game players, I very much wasn't (except word games, love them.) My parents used to force me to play and I loathed it. With DH and the children they're perfectly happy to play while I sit with them and knit, and everyone has a nice time.

There are now so many much more creative and interesting games than Scrabble/Monopoly/Whist and I do enjoy getting involved sometimes. Likewise, when my 17 year old isn't in the mood we respect that.

YABU to "feel uncomfortable" when your inlaws are friendly and good natured about watching the games rather than participating.

@TheGoogleMum - Just One is brilliant! DS2's clues are so off the wall as to be an actual impediment and we all laugh about that.

SoupDragon · 12/03/2023 10:48

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 10:46

Also, I dislike the way that people who don’t like to play games are referred to as uptight, boring, fun sponges and other such terms. Just because some people don’t like the same things as you doesn’t make them wrong.

How is that any worse than all the people calling playing games cringey and childish - of which there is more on this thread?

One is insulting the person and the other is insulting an activity.

ThatMam · 12/03/2023 10:50

This is my idea of utter hell OP but if you wanted to play a game and would not try and force me into participation I would be happy to sit with a drink and watch.

As long as the oh do not be boring it will be fun forcefulness was not involved.

Moredarkchocolateplease · 12/03/2023 10:50

Changemaname1 · 12/03/2023 10:21

My heart rate has increased with anxiety just reading this 😂

This!

The actual idea of a dinner with multiple family members over and above my DH and DC is enough to make me stressed.

We do one a year at Xmas and I worry about it for weeks before hand.

If I had to do party games too?! OMG.

ShandaLear · 12/03/2023 10:50

Just let the people who want to play have a game and let everyone else get on with watching or chatting. There’s nothing worse than forced taking part in a game when all you want to do is have a drink and a conversation with family and friends. Or you could have the game in a separate room if you have one - ‘we’re going to play charades in the living room if anyone wants to join us’. As long as you have enough players you should be fine, or put a time limit on the game - ‘we’re going to play cards for an hour if you fancy it’.

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 10:52

Compromise.

Do the games but don’t do them the whole event or choose one that’s less pressure.
E.g. A board game or cards is much less pressure than 2 truths 1 lie.

If it’s a birthday then the birthday person gets to decide.

I’m sure you’ve had birthdays when your DCs were younger and played musical bumps or pass the parcel and you didn’t expect everyone to join in.
So why would it be different now?

I play games and have a couple family members who don’t.
We try and sit slightly away from them but still in the same room (we gather round the table) so they can watch tv or something and not join in at all and not feel the pressure to do so or watch and join in without the pressure of being an actual participant.

If there is a situation where you can play the game when they’re not there then just do that instead.

Have you asked DH what his family like to do?
When you go to their house do they just enjoy watching a film or going for a walk etc?
I would be trying to make more effort to do something they like.

DixonD · 12/03/2023 10:53

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 12/03/2023 09:08

Just play your games and if they want to be miserable fucks let them 🤷‍♀️

What a fucking rude thing to say.

TheWitchCirce · 12/03/2023 10:54

My heart sinks when a game is suggested at a social event. I want to relax and make conversation, not compete. If it is your son's wish as part of his birthday celebrations then just let people know in advance.

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 10:55

In my experience of life, the sort of people who won't join in, let themselves go, just for a short while, the ones who don't dance, don't do fancy dress etc, are generally more controlling about life. But It's up to them, I don't try and dissuade them.

coeurnoir · 12/03/2023 10:59

PriamFarrl · 12/03/2023 10:30

Also, I dislike the way that people who don’t like to play games are referred to as uptight, boring, fun sponges and other such terms. Just because some people don’t like the same things as you doesn’t make them wrong.

I find that the same language is used, on here, to describe people who don't have children or who don't appreciate loud and feral children.
Would be interesting to see that Venn diagram.

gwrachod · 12/03/2023 10:59

SebHH · 12/03/2023 09:07

Thanks all for your thoughts, really helpful!
I guess it’s 2 out of 8 of us that don’t enjoy
The sorts of games might be “just a minute” or “one truth two lies” or “who am I?”
My problem today is that it’s my sons b’day (16)- he had a friends party yesterday and we’re having a family dinner tonight; he’s asked for us to play a game… should I privilege him or them?

That's an easy one. It's his birthday, so play the games he likes.

Perhaps not all night though, on account of not everyone wanting to join in.

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 10:59

One is insulting the person and the other is insulting an activity.

I think that's semantics tbh, people are clearly insulting people for playing them.

Fuctifin0 · 12/03/2023 10:59

A little bit of me dies inside if party games are suggested.
It's not about being controlling, I just cringe at becoming a performing monkey for other's amusement.

28January · 12/03/2023 11:00

My idea of hell.

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 12/03/2023 11:01

In my experience the fancy dress enthusiasts are the ones who like to exercise control - they tend to enjoy the concept of uniforms as well. And games are all about setting and keeping within rules. Let the people who enjoy games play the games.

Let those of us who think games are hell sit together somewhere else enjoying ourselves.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/03/2023 11:01

Forced enjoyment and participation in/of party games is awful.

Sometimes at Christmas I’ll join in Trivial Pursuit, charades etc but only if I want to.

Terraria · 12/03/2023 11:01

It's awful really, you want guests to play your organised game that they don't enjoy! Hope you are not giving them a hard time.

SocksAndTheCity · 12/03/2023 11:02

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 10:55

In my experience of life, the sort of people who won't join in, let themselves go, just for a short while, the ones who don't dance, don't do fancy dress etc, are generally more controlling about life. But It's up to them, I don't try and dissuade them.

And in my experience, the people who aren't able to grasp that not everybody enjoys the same things as them and thinks that forcing them into doing those things are a monumental pain in the arse.

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:03

The word 'cringe' is very popular with people who care so much about what others think of them

CovertImage · 12/03/2023 11:03

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 10:55

In my experience of life, the sort of people who won't join in, let themselves go, just for a short while, the ones who don't dance, don't do fancy dress etc, are generally more controlling about life. But It's up to them, I don't try and dissuade them.

Cheers Sigmund

Bimbleberries · 12/03/2023 11:03

Just let them watch if they don't want to play - it's totally fine and some of us actually do enjoy watching when there's no pressure to join in. We're happy, you're happy, what's the problem?

What I hate is the pressure to join in, and the constant anxiety before/during/after if I know that there will be that pressure. Sometimes I might want to join, if it's the right sort of game for me, but mostly not - doesn't mean I am not totally happy just watching. If I really have to join in, then large teams where individually you don't have any spotlight/responsibility etc is much better. I know nothing about popular culture usually, so those games are particularly awful.