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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to leave first thing tomorrow?

142 replies

darshun · 11/03/2023 20:21

I've been dating a guy for a while and today I realised it's not working for me:

I suspect he might be love bombing me. He pours on compliments (even though I've told him many times it make me uncomfortable).

Mid-sentence he'll interrupt me to tell me how much he likes me or how beautiful I look, and I can't stand it.

He dozed off on the sofa and apologised when he woke up. I told him it didn't bother me in the slightest. He then went on to apologise profusely, at random intervals, for the next two hours until I lost my temper and told him to stop. It was bizarre.

Similarly, I was running late to meet him and he kept assuring me (again, at random intervals) that I shouldn't feel bad about the fact I'd been running late. I hadn't said I'd felt bad about it (apart from initially apologising of course). It was like he was telling me how I felt (????). So odd.

It all feels either extremely manipulative or extremely immature but either way it's gross.

I've noticed it somewhat in the past with but never to this extent.

The problem is he was meant to sleep over at my house. It's the middle of the night where I am (not U.K.). He's now asleep in my bed and all I want to do is wake him up and ask him to leave. I should've asked him not to stay over at all but he doesn't live nearby and didn't bring the car (public transport not running at this time).

Would it be reasonable to wake him up at around 7am and ask him to leave then? I've put myself in the spare room meanwhile.

And how on earth do I say "morning! I've just realised you're a twat so please leave immediately"??)?

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 11/03/2023 20:27

What time would he be due to leave otherwise? He sounds quite persistent so I'd be more inclined to break up with him 'at a distance' than wake him up at 7am.

Original poster
darshun · 11/03/2023 20:31

Sapphire387 · 11/03/2023 20:27

What time would he be due to leave otherwise? He sounds quite persistent so I'd be more inclined to break up with him 'at a distance' than wake him up at 7am.

Probably not until lunchtime.

I so badly just want him out of my bed and out of my house Confused

OP posts:
JustalittlelostXX · 11/03/2023 20:34

I honestly feel for you so much ! I remember being in this exact position with a man I used to see, was literally sitting on the couch with him and I suddenly got the “ ick “ and I text my mum to make an excuse up so I could leave. Text him a few days after because like you are describing he seemed very obsessed, kindly finished it and blocked him.

i would wake him up early and say sorry you have an emergency and he has to go and like pp said I would do it via phone and not face to face. Good luck x

Scirocco · 11/03/2023 20:36

I'd probably wake him up in the morning and say you have a commitment you'd forgotten about so he has to leave so you can get out to your meeting/appointment/friend in crisis. Just to get him out your home quickly and without drama. Make sure he doesn't leave anything behind 'by mistake'.

Then call him and say it's not working for you, wish him all the best, etc etc, and bin him.

MaireadMcSweeney · 11/03/2023 20:36

I wouldn't wake him early to ask him to go but once you're both up, instead of having breakfast together I would do the break up and get him gone.

Original poster
darshun · 11/03/2023 20:40

Scirocco · 11/03/2023 20:36

I'd probably wake him up in the morning and say you have a commitment you'd forgotten about so he has to leave so you can get out to your meeting/appointment/friend in crisis. Just to get him out your home quickly and without drama. Make sure he doesn't leave anything behind 'by mistake'.

Then call him and say it's not working for you, wish him all the best, etc etc, and bin him.

Three times previously he's left things behind by mistake! Now I'm wondering if that was intentional? Ugh....

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 11/03/2023 20:57

I'd start to mentally list his possessions. Honestly get him up early. Go for coffee. Feel sick and leave him.

RandomMess · 11/03/2023 21:02

Gather up his stuff now.

Anything he forgets post it!

Get a friend/family emergency phone call now meaning you need to head out urgently in the morning.

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 21:16

Gather up his things in the morning - say oops you forgot this. I think at about 8-9 you can say I really must get on I'm visiting my auntie today or something like that.

I agree break up from a distance with this one. He sounds a little scary.

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 11/03/2023 21:18

How did you put yourself in the spare room?! You mean you went in there to sleep.

Original poster
darshun · 11/03/2023 21:20

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 11/03/2023 21:18

How did you put yourself in the spare room?! You mean you went in there to sleep.

Yes? Correct. What am I missing? It was just a turn of phrase.

OP posts:
oioimatey · 11/03/2023 21:21

Oh god, I'd wake him up at 8am saying it's not working for you and ask him to leave. If he forgets anything then post it on, don't let him come back and collect it. Good luck! You'll feel so relieved afterwards.

MelloYellow · 11/03/2023 21:22

As PP have said I would feign a forgotten appointment or emergency in the morning and then do it at a distance
anything he ‘accidentally’ leaves you can post or leave out.
He sounds like he may not go quietly

Notimeforaname · 11/03/2023 21:25

Yeah I wouldn't wake him up, dump him and tell him to get out.

I'd either try wait it out til he left anyway or I'd wake him with an excuse that someone needs to come over to see you or you need to go to someone.

Then tell him later.

Doyoumind · 11/03/2023 21:27

Don't let him know you want him to leave as if he's really manipulative you're putting the power in his hands and he could stall. Get somone to call with an emergency so you can shoo him out.

SpecialBreak · 11/03/2023 21:37

Tell him you are unwell (if he tries to come into the spare room) and use that as a reason for him to leave early in the morning.
I agree if he is a love bomber he’ll likely try to change your mind if you try to finish things face to face. Definitely finish it from a distance

Actupfishy · 11/03/2023 21:39

Is he manipulating or just more into you than you him…
either way you clearly have the ick.
I do think it’s all a little dramatic, tell hi in the morning you have an emergency and break up from a distance.

Cocobutt · 11/03/2023 21:41

YABU

He’s not actually done anything wrong you’re just irritated by him and have got the ‘ick’.

I would be upset if the guy I was dating decided he didn’t like me anymore and wanted me out asap.

Say you aren’t feeling well and sleep in the spare room and then when he wakes up (don’t wake him early) just say you are still not feeling well and would he mind going home and you’ll speak to him later.

Once he’s gone then leave it for a bit and then you can tell him it’s not working etc.

Suetcrust · 11/03/2023 21:43

I spent a sleepless night one time, many years ago. I lay awake in his house planning how I was going to escape from this chap who finally gave me the biggest ick of all. Id been seeing him for a while and a series of icks had unfortunately built up.

Anyway, whilst he made breakfast I packed my bag very quickly, decended the stairs and just told him outright it wasn’t working and I was leaving. He was stunned…. Poor chap. We’d even booked a holiday but I just couldn’t face it.

In you’d shoes OP I think I’d act the girlfriend part and then after he’s left send the text to finish it. If you tell him whilst he’s still in your house, could he turn nasty?
Take care and do what you need to do.

CorvusPurpureus · 11/03/2023 21:46

Honestly? He's probably just a harmless short term boyfriend, you've got the ick.

Absolutely fair enough, but is it going to be pleasant for anyone if you yeet him at dawn?

Let him sleep, wave him off after breakfast & then message to say you aren't keen to carry on, & does he want to collect the stuff he has left at yours?

Should he be some sort of nutter, you're still better off finding that out at a time which is not a) post midnight & b) he's asleep in your bed.

Sugarfish · 11/03/2023 21:46

I agree with the poster who said end it at a distance. I’ve been in the same position with someone annoying but persistent and they just wouldn’t accept it and hung around to argue about it for ages. Even after that I got persistent texts about why I should give the relationship another chance and why he was still good for me. Thank god he moved to another town but this was about 12 years ago and I still get the odd “Hey, long time no speak” message every couple of years.

Just grit your teeth and get through the morning, then call him later and end it.

TwilightSkies · 11/03/2023 21:46

Yeah I wouldn’t dump in while he’s in the house. He sounds too manipulative for that to happen smoothly!

Id say I was sick. Make sure he has all his stuff then dump him after he leaves. And lock the doors!

MissMaple82 · 11/03/2023 21:48

Calling him a twat is a bit harsh, as is booting him out first thing just because you've randomly decided he's not for you. He's not acting like a twat from what you say, you're just irritated by him. Be a grown up about it

LadyWithLapdog · 11/03/2023 21:51

He does sound soppy and irritating. I’d wait till he’s gone and then end it.

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 11/03/2023 21:52

Can you get someone to call you just now with an emergency? Speak loudly so he wakes up the tell him you have to sort out XYZ.

Whatever you do please ensure you are safe, dump him, and then block all contact.

He's probably harmless, but its best to be cautious anyway.