To ask him to leave first thing tomorrow?

[darshun]

I've been dating a guy for a while and today I realised it's not working for me:

I suspect he might be love bombing me. He pours on compliments (even though I've told him many times it make me uncomfortable).

Mid-sentence he'll interrupt me to tell me how much he likes me or how beautiful I look, and I can't stand it.

He dozed off on the sofa and apologised when he woke up. I told him it didn't bother me in the slightest. He then went on to apologise profusely, at random intervals, for the next two hours until I lost my temper and told him to stop. It was bizarre.

Similarly, I was running late to meet him and he kept assuring me (again, at random intervals) that I shouldn't feel bad about the fact I'd been running late. I hadn't said I'd felt bad about it (apart from initially apologising of course). It was like he was telling me how I felt (????). So odd.

It all feels either extremely manipulative or extremely immature but either way it's gross.

I've noticed it somewhat in the past with but never to this extent.

The problem is he was meant to sleep over at my house. It's the middle of the night where I am (not U.K.). He's now asleep in my bed and all I want to do is wake him up and ask him to leave. I should've asked him not to stay over at all but he doesn't live nearby and didn't bring the car (public transport not running at this time).

Would it be reasonable to wake him up at around 7am and ask him to leave then? I've put myself in the spare room meanwhile.

And how on earth do I say "morning! I've just realised you're a twat so please leave immediately"??)?

I.think it's a bit unfair saying he's love bombing and manipulative,you have just gone, off him
I had a,short term boyfriend like this year's ago very intense and adoring ,but I just wasn't attracted to him it wasn't his fault ,by the end I even found the way he breathed irritating.

This reminds me of when I was younger, and just got the ick with a new boyfriend in the middle of the night. He was harmless, but gormless - pleasant enough for a few hours company, but wearing after that. He'd come over, we'd got drunk and he'd missed the last tube, so I said he could stay...but after he'd fallen asleep I just wanted him out of my house/life/headspace immediately.

It got to 4 in the morning and was just getting light, so I changed all the clocks to 7am and told him I had an 8am appointment.

That was probably quite bad. Thing is he still kept phoning me after I did that. Like wtf, I'm a bitch mate, you want to steer well clear you stupid bastard.

I agree with PPs let him leave gracefully after breakfast and then break up with him. No point having a confrontation if avoidable.

Oh it's almost definitely intentional...

Did he wonder why you left in the spare room?

Nah, he's definitely manipulative. Falling asleep in your bed, deliberately not bringing his car, 'forgetting' stuff, badgering you and telling you that you shouldn't feel bad (which means that after hundreds of repetitions, all that remains is You Must Feel Bad because I'm Telling You That You Are Feeling Bad).

Do a check for any accidental leaving of property in places it simply couldn't have accidentally fallen (like down the back of your bed), pack it all up and address it ready to stick in the post tomorrow - and draft your 'This is not working, your shit is in the post' text to send and immediately block him after sending for just after you get back.

Oh, and just to be certain, changing your lock/any passcode entry would be a plan.

It must be exhausting to be so paranoid and over the top all the time.

Glad it worked out. FWIW my friends and I had a 'system' back in the day (I'm talking early 80s here) where if one of us either had or thought we'd be inviting a man back to our house we'd 'prearrange' a phone call during which we could either say "Oh, I have company, I'll talk to you later" which was the 'all good' signal, or we'd say "OMG, what happened? Oh love, I'll be right there!!" and then apologize to the man, tell him a friend had a terrible emergency (usually involving an ambulance or a trip to A&E for a loved one) and that I needed to go to them. Never had a serious problem getting someone to leave, although once I had to actually drive away from my house because he 'needed a ride'. Dropped him off about 2 miles away then doubled back.

Yes! Gosh to be so suspicious and certain that every little thing this guy has done was with absolute malice and manipulative intent! It must be absolutely exhausting to read so much into situations like this.

I would say you ignore your gut feeling at your peril, so do go along with it,
I hope you managed to get him out of your house and on his way without any problem,
Also hope you ended the relationship, as you wished, and there'll be no further contact from him,

You're listening to your gut and even though you can't quite explain why you are feeling this way towards him, your gut knows! You're doing the right thing ending it but absolutely agree with others who have said to do it from a distance!! Definitely NOT face to face. Good luck x

It was more exhausting having to physically lift and chuck the ex out of the front door after he decided to stage a fake suicide attempt after coming back to get stuff that he'd mysteriously forgotten to take with him five times.

Wake him at seven and tell him you have received an urgent message on a family matter and want him to leave right away so you can deal with it. Its private and you won't discuss it. Just get him out.

Dump him later by text. Then block him.

Always trust your gut instinct.

You don't sound very nice. It just sounds that he is into you and you are definitely not into him anymore. Absolutely end it if you're don't want to be with him but no need to be nasty about it

You tell him something like this, “ BF I am grateful for the time we’ve had together. I’ve given it a lot of consideration & I realise this relationship isn’t working for me, I don’t see any future together for us so I think it’s best if we go our separate ways Before bad feelings & resentment set in.
I wish you well & hope you find the right person for you .

Its called the sandwich technique, The bad between two good.

You should never stay in a relationship because you are afraid of hurting the other person or simply afraid of what their reaction will be.

Yes, yes. This is the most likely outcome. Let’s all treat everyone as though they’ll act like this rather than rationally think this is the way a minority of people will react shall we? Let’s tar everyone with the same brush. That’ll make the world a much better place 🙄

@Lolabear38 There's no harm in OP making sure there's none of his stuff left at her place. Saves any further hastle all round.