To ask him to leave first thing tomorrow?

[darshun]

I've been dating a guy for a while and today I realised it's not working for me:

I suspect he might be love bombing me. He pours on compliments (even though I've told him many times it make me uncomfortable).

Mid-sentence he'll interrupt me to tell me how much he likes me or how beautiful I look, and I can't stand it.

He dozed off on the sofa and apologised when he woke up. I told him it didn't bother me in the slightest. He then went on to apologise profusely, at random intervals, for the next two hours until I lost my temper and told him to stop. It was bizarre.

Similarly, I was running late to meet him and he kept assuring me (again, at random intervals) that I shouldn't feel bad about the fact I'd been running late. I hadn't said I'd felt bad about it (apart from initially apologising of course). It was like he was telling me how I felt (????). So odd.

It all feels either extremely manipulative or extremely immature but either way it's gross.

I've noticed it somewhat in the past with but never to this extent.

The problem is he was meant to sleep over at my house. It's the middle of the night where I am (not U.K.). He's now asleep in my bed and all I want to do is wake him up and ask him to leave. I should've asked him not to stay over at all but he doesn't live nearby and didn't bring the car (public transport not running at this time).

Would it be reasonable to wake him up at around 7am and ask him to leave then? I've put myself in the spare room meanwhile.

And how on earth do I say "morning! I've just realised you're a twat so please leave immediately"??)?

@BurntOutGirl I hope things get easier for your son 💐

Eugh I dated someone like this, I completely understand what you mean. He used to do exactly the same thing to me, I would be talking about something in the news etc and he would interrupt to say I was sexy or something it would make me feel sick. When I split up with him he tried all sorts including telling me I was going to die alone cause I’m too independent and adding my family to social media. He only left me alone when I told his mother I was going to call the police!

Glad it worked out.

I can understand just getting the ick over a guy and immediately wanting to be away from him though.
It's really strong.

Even if you don't feel in danger and the ick is because of something innocent.

For example, I dated a guy for a couple of months in my early 20's who was a bit of a mummy's boy but was sexy and charming.
Though work ethic non-existent. I mean seriously none at all. But I tried not to think about it.
He got a place of his own and I remember him brandishing his mother's credit card saying she was going to pay for stuff with a stupid grin on his face.

I went shopping with him but feigned illness halfway through in Curry's as an excuse to leave and dumped him shortly afterwards.

Even if there's no creepy vibes, when we want them gone we want them gone ASAP!

In your shoes, though, if I'd felt genuinely unsafe no time is unreasonable to get rid!

If I felt safe, though, I'd try to fight my instincts with logic and wait it out till morning as to be fair chucking someone out in middle of night when you don't feel in danger is a bit unfair.

I had something similar but he cancelled the meet up and I insisted we still saw eachother so I could end it. We’d been together 3 years so a bit different, but either way I remember that urge, it just couldn’t wait.

no advice but good luck.

Op please don't listen to some of the posters on here. You never have to justify your reasons for ending a relationship
You don't want to be in or asking somebody to leave your home that makes you feel uncomfortable

Well done OP.

Your gut was telling you that something was off.

I would find the unnecessary repeated apologies etc. creepy and deeply off putting.

Post anything he may have left to him, but don't have him in your door again.

Listening and trusting your gut is wise, especially in situations like this.

It does sound a little anxiety related with the over reassuring and apologising.
Don't wake him and throw him out, that’s not kind, make up an excuse for him to leave, call him and let him know the relationship isn’t for you.

Oooh he's a wrong un

God some women just can't see red flags even if they're tied up in bunting and locked in a cellar.

Op said she felt love bombed and uncomfortable. That's all that matters. No one needed to analyse his behaviour. She was there, we weren't, she knows how she felt. It's a pretty important factor and we should be encouraging women to listen to that voice, pay attention to that feeling and act on it.

YABU.

Let him sleep, then be an adult about it.

Say what you started this post off with - its not working for you, so you yhink you should call it a day.

Wish him well and be done with it.

There's no need to be horrible in life ever.

It’s also about treating people with respect. If a man posted on here wanting to throw a woman out early because he had the ‘ick’ would you be in agreement with him too? I expect he’d be called all sorts of name, respect works both ways. It’s ok to end a relationship for any reason but in a respectful manner.

And this is where again, you're minimising her feelings. She never said she had the 'ick', you're saying she had the 'ick'. She says quite plainly that he seems manipulative, love bombing, makes her feel uncomfortable.

And please think about when it's actually appropriate to say 'if a man'. Because men aren't actually in the same danger that women are from men, and the rates of violence and abuse are not the same at all by any measure. So it's not a comparison.

I know, how ridiculous & nonsensical. No wonder some men think women are all nuts, what a strange interpretation of the OP’s post

To me it shows just how naive/lucky some women are, that they have never encountered this kind of manipulation and so don't recognise it for what it is.

Absolutely agree.

Ridiculous suggestions about being "kind"🙄.

Comparisons to a man in a similar situation 🙄.

Suggestions of the "ick"🙄.

The OP feels uncomfortable in her own home.
She wants him out of her home.

He sounds like a manipulative creep.

It never ceases to amaze me on MN how many posters will advise a woman to do everything and anything other than protecting herself as they feverishly excuse mens behaviour.

She feels uncomfortable enough to go to the spare room.... a wise move on her part.

OP, learn from this.
Well done for listening to your gut.
It warns you, to protect you.

So you’d be happy for a guy telling you to get out of his house early in the morning because he had the ick? and you’d be happy for a man to do this to a woman too? Like fuck you would!!
If you would you clearly lack basic respect for others.

No one is saying you can’t feel unhappy in a relationship and end things.

Imagine a man posting this…

I have a GF she is always trying to reassure me and apologising profusely, I have the ick and want her out of my house, I want to kick her out early in the morning, AIBU? Yes we all know what the responses would be.

How was I minimising her feelings?
I said to ask him to leave in the morning and explain the relationships not working, I wasn’t telling her to ignore her feelings. Read properly, next time. ‘Ick’ is pretty much how she’s feeling, it’s to describe her feelings for this man, whether she says it or not, she said it was gross, ‘ick’ is the same thing.

Agreed!

The OP is perfectly entitled to her feelings.

To have such a strong reaction to someone in your home that you want them out asap, means the OP has every right to get him out any way she likes.

It's her home.

As it happens, she managed it very well.

Interesting past few posts.

The way I see it just ick in itself - which I take to mean an annoying but harmless character flaw that just turns you off-means having the decency to wait until morning BUT

If she feels in danger then she should do what she wants to get him out ASAP.

If just ick, she was in spare room she wasn't sharing a bed with him-he'd have to go then as that would've been grim.

But ick in itself can wait till morning.

I hope this isn't minimising things but it's just how I see it.

BUT he does sound very creepy to me and personally I'd have just fabricated an emergency to get him out there and then.
Knowing someone like that was in same house would have stopped me sleeping.

There was nothing in her post which indicated she was in danger 🤦🏻‍♀️ No off course she can kick him out in the night or early morning but it’s basic decency to treat others with respect. Treat others as you wish to be treated comes to mind. As I said if I man posted this about a woman, he’d have been called all sorts of names, let’s me honest!

But her instincts were telling her something about this man. She felt something was off about how he was acting. Things can change very quickly. If girls and women were taught to listen to our instincts rather than focus on being 'nice, kind and respectful', maybe fewer of us would end up in terrible situations.

So let me get this straight. Something happens in a relationship and the man doesn’t apologise - absolute wanker, LTB with immediate effect he doesn’t respect you at all.

Man apologises too much - manipulative potential abuser - get out now he’s vile.

Man doesn’t compliment a woman in a relationship - twat, narcissist, has no respect for you or your feelings, LTB this will only get worse.

Man compliments woman too much in a relationship - manipulative, red flags, he’s trying to control you, LTB right now!

Honestly it’s a very fine line those guys are walking along isn’t it?! In mumsnet world of course.

She didn’t say her instincts were telling her anything about this man. She said he was overly apologetic and kept reassuring her and that it was gross. She made no indication of being at risk.

Again, had this been a man, who posted about thinking about throwing a woman out in the night or really early in the morning because she was gross, you would have had a thread full off angry and hateful comments towards the man and a few expletives.