To be annoyed at DD?

[Chocolate245]

Dd18 has had driving lessons for 5/6 months. We have spent over 2 grand for the lessons, so it has been expensive She was meant to do her test at the beginning of April, but her instructor says she is still so nervous and anxious and will definitely not be ready then. I have taken her out a few times and it is clear that she just gets so stressed when driving, but she has had lots of lessons.

The thing is, DD is doing well in other activities including her academics- she has done well to get a Cambridge offer.
However she wants to take a break for a few months from driving whilst exams are going on, so she can get the grades she needs to meet her offer.
however I am worried and annoyed that she is giving up too easily, and I wonder if she will ever drive being so nervous about it. Should I push her to continue?

So my neighbor was lying when she said that her DD, studying Earth sciences, was required to have a driving license for her internship?

She could have applied for other internships, but I imagine they’d be scarce in her field. Or spent a fortune on Uber’s/taxis, I suppose,

I suspect Cambridge is going be a nightmare for one of you....

Not all parents are good to learn with you might be making her more anxious especially if you are as critical as you come over

I spent two tests driving around with an instructor getting nowhere when I was 18. Tried again at 33 and passed first time within 3 months.

I feel that you are too pushy. Of course you’ve said that disappointing was a wrong word and the right one would be anxious but the vibe from your post was about disappointment. And I’m sure your DD feels it too. You wanted a quick result but it didn’t happen. it’s not the end of the world. She won’t forget all these learning, it doesn’t work like this.
Your DD is not ready for the test atm and busy with exams, if you push her too hard you might end up with bigger problems. Your DD should learn that sometimes doing things slower is ok.

All I’m saying, @YetMoreNewBeginnings is that it may widen your options in some professions. Of course non-drivers can pursue successful careers, but in some fields, it may limit their choices.
I agree that the OP is jumping ahead and should let her DD focus on her exams.

Your whataboutery with your neighborjs child was quite spectacular

The kid is going to Cambridge. She’s smart enough to know - and the OP’s last post shows she’s actively considered it - if it’s going to impact her choices.

Why do you want what sounds like a very unsafe daughter out in the world?

Because it is about what you want and how you think things should be, rather than what she wants,how she feels, and the safety of everyone else if she were to be in a car.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings? Is sharing a recent real life example not allowed on MN?

Why are you being so hostile?

Millions of people don't drive and manage to live outside of London with no issues whatsoever.

The most intelligent people I know don’t drive. My friendship group are a load of Sheldon’s, and we’re just not cut out for driving

She can learn to drive any time. She has the next few months to get into Cambridge.

Surely you must see that this is not the time for her to be diverting time and mental energy to a non-essential activity that stresses her out and that she does not enjoy?

If you're determined to push it, wait until after the exams.

To know something is too much for you for a while and you need to focus on your studies shows a lot of maturity. I wish I had been that mature at 18! I don't think there is anything you can do but honour her choice here. Yes it's frustrating if you've invested a lot of money on lessons and she hasn't passed yet, but she's got time and sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders and will prioritise driving when the time is right, and when her attention isn't divided with her A level work load.

I don't drive and I do just fine. She's still young, she doesn't HAVE to drive, she will be fine. Give her some time off if that's what she wants.

OP I am 65 and I've never had a driving licence. Had lessons and took test at 19, failed, was never confident. I have no road sense at all.

The negative impact on my life? None whatsoever. I've commuted by train, retired and bought a house a 5 minute bus ride out of town centre (or can be walked in 20 minutes).

Groceries can be ordered online and delivered, so no schlepping on the bus with heavy bags of stuff.

The environment is better without another driver.

As someone who has worked in the financial district in London, a car is not only unnecessary - it’s an inconvenience. There’s nowhere to park! The only people I worked with who didn’t use the train/tube came in on motorbikes, because there was space for those.

As for having to move because she can’t get a job in finance in London - be honest, how likely is that? Having to move TO London FROM an area where you need a car is far more likely!

youre actually being quite nasty to your DD and probs making the situation worse.

Poor girl. She is telling you it’s too much, it’s all she can think about and she has the pressure of A levels and a Cambridge offer. I would back right off. She’ll learn if she needs to. Loads of people don’t drive and even more don’t drive until they are a bit older.

Our daughter got her provisional licence, but never took an exam. This is largely on us for for being penny pinching (I thought I could reach here the basics in supermarket carparks and quiet suburban roads, but you just run out of room too fast to learn the gears). We should have shelled out on the extra driver insurance.

It turned out well enough, though, as she went to Cambridge (and even the bike she was given was almost never used, and was left rusting on a cycle rack after graduation), and now teaches in London, so all the expense of running a car is moot.

I would say that if it's stressing her out, cut her some slack. The exams are more important at this time, and although that expenditure is regrettable, it's by definition 'small stuff' in the greater scheme. Bad timing, is all. Sun Tzu would probably say something about choosing your battles.

I’m not the hostile one.

I ignored your whataboutery post as it was irrelevant and you chased me up with another post tagging me.

I won’t be engaging with you any further.

I had driving lessons for well over a year before I passed my test. It took me that long to get over the nerves. Thankfully my parents were very understanding, patient and supportive about it. YABVVU.

YABU. She knows her limits, she can do it another time.

Let her have a break from it and come back to it in her own time. If she doesn't want to, as an adult, that will be her choice. Maybe if she continues to be very nervous, she'd be right not to put herself out there on the roads- more likely to cause an accident which could change or take a life.

BTW I took a few lessons whilst away at university as I just drove with my parents whilst at school, but without the consistency and chance to practice, it didnt work out. In the end I dedicated one Easter holiday and one summer holiday to learn whilst at home from university- and passed just before I turned 21.

God you sound annoying leave the poor girl alone

Unless she wants to be a taxi, bus, lorry or delivery driver it won’t stop her choice of career.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

I tagged you due to this statement, because I’d question it. Finance certainly isn’t the most driving dependent career, but getting her license in the next few years could still be useful. My DH and several friends work in finance. 🤷