To have hung up the phone on my mother???

[Sapphire387]

Sometimes I think I am going crazy.

My mum has - for about the tenth time - told me that she thinks my sofa is too big and I should get a smaller one. Note- we have quite a big living room, and it's one of those corner sofas with the footrest that sticks out, and it has a matching ottoman that you can push up next to it or use as a footrest. We have three children and they like to use it as a big bed to lounge around on while they are watching TV.

Anyway... she has form for expressing unsolicited opinions about my home, career, life choices, etc, and it's getting to the point where I am really starting to dislike her for it.

She keeps saying 'I'm your mother, I'm entitled to my opinion'. I'm 37.

Now obviously if she was genuinely concerned about something like - I don't know, a safety issue or the kids' wellbeing etc, I can see why she would bring it up. But it's small things like this. And it's over and over about the same things, not just once.

Today, on the phone, I just said we have discussed this before, I'm not changing my sofa. She persisted so I said 'I have to go now, bye'.

Does everyone else's mum still do this? Is it a mum thing or is it intrusive? She's getting older but not 'old' - she's mid-sixties. I am trying so much to appreciate her good side - she can be really helpful with the kids - but this is driving me nuts and it persists, over and over.

AIBU?

Your mum sounds bit toxic, and I hate overusing this word, but she really is.

Shes tryiñg to control you

Next time she mentions it ask her where she thinks you should all sit.. Insist she answers..

I can’t bear it when people won’t accept that a topic is closed. YANBU

She may be your mother. Doesn't entitle her to anything.

Did she phone you just to tell you this?

I don't think so, we did talk about other stuff first. But who knows? It's a regular thing, this kind of stuff.

Always phrased as a kind of 'it's only because I care about you'... I'm just not finding it very caring that she doesn't seem to think I'm a proper adult at my age (37). 😬

Bwahaha! A mother to someone in their Thirties telling their adult child what to do??

She’s nuts.

Especially over a sofa.

Do you tell her what sge should and shouldn’t have in her house,@Sapphire387 ?

I bet you don’t.
Tell her this.

You handled it perfectly OP. Keep doing this every single time and eventually she'll get the message.

Im guessing she controlled you when you lived at home. Now you have moved out she cant control what you do but shes still trying to control or have a say in other areas of your life

She keeps saying 'I'm your mother, I'm entitled to my opinion'

Gaaahhhhh, I HATE people who try this manipulative 'I know better than you because' shit. You're entitled to your opinion that you bought the right sofa and it suits your family. And you're entitled to ignore her opinion if it's of no importance to you.

Bet she has form for being manipulative and overbearing, doesn't she?

Let her she is entitled to her opinion but she isn’t entitled to express it and you don’t want to hear it.

Course I don't. I really don't care how she or anyone else kits out their home. I'd only offer an opinion to someone on home furnishings if they asked my advice. Otherwise I tend to compliment people if I like something in their home, keep quiet if it's not my style. I like to think I'm vaguely normal in that respect!

I think your sofa is embarrassingly tiny and it smells of cat piss.

I'm entitled to my opinion because I'm your daughter.

Your mums toxic, that's not normal behaviour.

OP it’s a form of control. It’s hard to recognise when they are great/helpful in other areas.

I have found through bitter experience that it is SO MUCH more effective to just put the phone down somewhere and walk away but don't hang up. the caller is then talking and ranting to themselves.

Far better than responding or hanging up in an exasperated temper. They get the message that way I think.

My mum is like this but she dislikes my whole house/street. We have, by choice, a large 4 bed end Victorian terrace, I love it as it’s full of character, has a decent garden, plenty of space and, because I bought it as a fixer upper, the mortgage will be paid off in a few years. Mum’s house was built in the late 80s on a large 70s estate, their street is the nicest on there but these houses are just not my think. She doesn’t understand why I don’t want a 70s onward 4 bed detached or a new build. I don’t understand why all her house is white and grey but I wouldn’t tell her!

I didn’t know being a parent entitles us to be bossily overbearing to our children for the rest of our lives?
It’s insulting to one’s offspring to try to question what they like, choose as furniture, or whatever.

She right she doesn't have to like it but equally you're not asking her to buy one that's exactly the same and have it in her home.

Have you asked her why it bothers her so much, seems odd of her to go on so much about a settee.

*thing

She's toxic and controlling

Head on over to the narcissistic mums thread.

I bet this isn't the only way she tries to control you and force her opinions on you

Well yes she's entitled to her opinion, she doesn't have to vocalise it though. That's just plain rude. Try turning the tables and criticising her home, clothes etc. People who dish it out are rarely able to take it.

I have adult children and wouldn't dream of foisting my personal taste on them, so no it's not normal.

Your Mum does need to be respectful of your choices.
🙂

Tell her to mind her own business and you're not interested in hearing her opinion.