To have hung up the phone on my mother???

[Sapphire387]

Sometimes I think I am going crazy.

My mum has - for about the tenth time - told me that she thinks my sofa is too big and I should get a smaller one. Note- we have quite a big living room, and it's one of those corner sofas with the footrest that sticks out, and it has a matching ottoman that you can push up next to it or use as a footrest. We have three children and they like to use it as a big bed to lounge around on while they are watching TV.

Anyway... she has form for expressing unsolicited opinions about my home, career, life choices, etc, and it's getting to the point where I am really starting to dislike her for it.

She keeps saying 'I'm your mother, I'm entitled to my opinion'. I'm 37.

Now obviously if she was genuinely concerned about something like - I don't know, a safety issue or the kids' wellbeing etc, I can see why she would bring it up. But it's small things like this. And it's over and over about the same things, not just once.

Today, on the phone, I just said we have discussed this before, I'm not changing my sofa. She persisted so I said 'I have to go now, bye'.

Does everyone else's mum still do this? Is it a mum thing or is it intrusive? She's getting older but not 'old' - she's mid-sixties. I am trying so much to appreciate her good side - she can be really helpful with the kids - but this is driving me nuts and it persists, over and over.

AIBU?

You did the right thing.

The best way to handle it is to say "got to go" at the first hint of an opinion being foisted on you.

She'll learn!

My mum does it and when I finally snap she is the victim. It's about the smallest of things too, I remind her all the time that she doesn't own me just because she's my mum, I'm an adult just like she is

When she says this: 'I'm your mother, I'm entitled to my opinion'. Say this: I'm 37, not a child, and I am entitled to ignore you.

Ah yes, I got a whole round of "I supposed I should just not worry any more" and "I suppose I just shouldn't love you all any more" this week as a reaction to my sister snapping at my mother.

My sisters crime: picking onions out of a salad because she's allergic to them.

My mum was going on and on about how onions are healthy, how ill my sister will be if she doesn't eat them, she will have a heart attack because they are good for your heart etc etc. She wouldn't stop for long enough to listen to my sister explain for probably the 100th time that she is allergic to them.

But obviously it was all done with love from my mother because she worries about us so much and my sister should have just eaten the onions and had the allergic reaction rather than get frustrated 🙄

Controlling parents are a nightmare!

My mum has started being very blunt and unsubtle. She will say what she likes and dislikes.

It really annoys me but, in her defence, she's 90 😀

Oh my goodness I could have written this and all the subsequent messages saying the same. This is my mother EXACTLY. I love her dearly but the manipulation and emotional abuse is awful. I hardly ever confront her these days as it's met with tears and 'I only ever try my best for you'. The victim complex is pathological! I go to therapy now to vent, it's the only way I've found to make peace with it 🤣 also, my mantra is to try and accept her has she is, have NO expectations and to not expect her to be the person I want her to be, but to just accept her on her own level. It's sad, and I still haven't duly accepted it, but I certainly get less upset and disappointed these days. Solidarity xxx