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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

294 replies

OnlyYellowRoses · 10/03/2023 07:51

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyYellowRoses · 10/03/2023 07:52

Forgot to add, if he was left, he has phone, access to money, food etc. Not sure if I'm being sensible or overprotective?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 10/03/2023 07:53

I wouldn’t leave him at that age, I’d wait at least until he’s finished school.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/03/2023 07:54

I'd have no issue if grandparents could be there quickly, I'd also want them to do a random call in.

dawoosh · 10/03/2023 07:55

I think it’s too far and too long despite grandparents being near. One whole day though, sure. Just the nights I’d be worried about.
In another 6 months when he’s left school and is in college / doing an apprenticeship, sure.

Runningonempty01 · 10/03/2023 07:55

With grandparents 10 minutes away I would say yes. It depends on the teen. My ds at that age no way as he would have definitely had some sort of party, my dd no problem.

Hellocatshome · 10/03/2023 07:56

It depends on how sensible he is and also how likely his friends are to take advantage of the situation. I know my DS would be absolutely fine but I also know if his friends found out they would be round in a shot and I dont trust them especially not on mass.

Comedycook · 10/03/2023 07:58

It's a no from me.

FrenchandSaunders · 10/03/2023 07:58

Totally depends on the teen. I would have left one of mine at that age without a thought. The other …. well she wasn’t left alone until she was 18 and I was still worried then.

reluctantbrit · 10/03/2023 07:59

One night yes with grandparents on standby, when he is used to being alone (day and evenings) and he can be trusted.

Two nights would be a stretch.

GrunkleStan · 10/03/2023 08:00

The nspcc don't recommend leaving under 16s overnight alone.

Beautifulsunflowers · 10/03/2023 08:02

My friend has just left her 15 yr old ds overnight, came home to find he hadn’t locked the back door. Luckily he and everything was okay. That could happen to anyone but at 15 being left for the first time you would think he’d have been extra careful!
That being said you know your own child and if your gut is telling you to wait a year or so then that’s what you should stick to.

FatGirlSwim · 10/03/2023 08:04

I wouldn’t leave my 15yo even though I know he would be fine and wouldn’t have a party. I’m not sure why. I think I’d be worried about getting in trouble as he’s under 16

Kitcaterpillar · 10/03/2023 08:04

If the worst thing that happened is he didn't lock the backdoor, that's pretty successful, right?!

oreo2020 · 10/03/2023 08:07

It depends on a child of course, but I would leave no problem. You have a set of grandparents 10 mins away - great! I am from an Eastern European country where children get left at younger ages and I always bat an eyelid of children being mollycoddled in this country. Trust and reasonable independence is the best gift you can give to your teenage children. And I have one of them myself.

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 10/03/2023 08:09

At 15 I wouldn't leave them overnight at all. Whilst not strictly illegal, both the government, NSPCC, and Barnados websites strongly recommend against it until they're 16.

We left our 16.5yo alone overnight for two nights last Easter and we were 30mins away. We bought him a ready meal he'd asked for and he cooked the other meal (both boys have been cooking a family meal every week for a couple of years now so are pretty competent). We went through how to turn the electric back on if fuses went, how to turn the water off, all the house alarm settings. It was fine, and we've since left him alone for a six night stint last summer.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/03/2023 08:10

GrunkleStan · 10/03/2023 08:00

The nspcc don't recommend leaving under 16s overnight alone.

They also recommend 12 year olds are never left unattended so personally I wouldn't take their advice very seriously.

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 10/03/2023 08:11

We'd also informed both immediate neighbours and my best friend in the next street over.

W0tnow · 10/03/2023 08:11

it depends on the child. I wouldn’t make a habit of it but yes. I have two 15 year old kids and I would, in the circumstances you describe.

BelindaMelinda · 10/03/2023 08:12

Ds1 is 15 (just) and very sensible, also not the type to throw a party or doing anything wild.

I'd dither as to whether to leave him overnight too but I think, on balance, I'd probably leave him for one night now. Two seems a bit much though, especially for a first occurrence.

JMSA · 10/03/2023 08:13

Couldn't he stay at the grandparents' or have them stay at yours?
I'm a borderline lax parent but wouldn't have a 15 year old stay overnight alone.

JE17 · 10/03/2023 08:15

I’d allow it for a sensible 15 year old, knowing grandparents are close by if needed.

AnneElliott · 10/03/2023 08:16

I wouldn't leave him. My DS is nearly 17 and I still would t do it overnight. Not because I think he's have a party but because of stuff happening - like being burgled etc.

Is there an older cousin / fried that can stay over? My niece has done this for me before (obviously I pay her) as she's in her 20s and it doesn't feel like DS has a babysitter.

Testina · 10/03/2023 08:17

So he’s Y11?
By late June of Y11 I was living in my own flat. I was about 6 months older than him, but I think by this point Y11 is Y11, and the month of birth is far less indicative of personality than maturity.
With grandparents 10 minutes away, and no concerns about parties, I’d happily leave him.

LivesinLondon2000 · 10/03/2023 08:18

I would leave a 15 year old alone in the day and maybe 1 night if grandparents were close by but I think 2 nights feels a bit too long. But depends on how mature the teen is too I think

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 08:19

I'd be perfectly fine with that assuming he's sensible