To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

They can??

I wouldn't leave a 15 year old alone overnight at that stage, would leave a couple of siblings, where the 15 year old was the younger one.

@WhereIsMumHiding3 Why isn't it "good parenting" to leave a 15 year old overnight?

Don't tag me in. You're one of those PPs I referred to earlier who will want to justify the decisions they make/ made. I'm uninterested in the outliers. It doesn't affect me how well you parent your own child. My answer was simply factual.

Just a reminder again of the link to that official statement on government website - the wording was carefully selected. They chose to quote the NSPCC guidance that "children under 16 should not be left alone overnight"

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

As I said it may not be illegal but it's not considered good parenting.

Oh my gosh , the intense babying of adolescents is disturbing in this country. He most likely will be leaving and going to uni in 3 years time. You need to start preparing him no wonder so many young people have anxiety they have been mollycoddled by their parents.

Is that because you haven't given them the opportunities to learn there is nothing to be terrified of?

Why does Mumsnet always have to parent bash anyone with a sensitive kid. I've always encouraged mine to be independent they just are naturally sensitive and fearful. Humans are all different, some of us see being home alone as great, others might find it scary, but no if a kid doesn't fit in the outgoing, fearless pigeon hole, there is something wrong with them or their parents. Why can't we just accept people are different! 🤦‍♀️

He's nearly 16 so 2 years time, in 3 months he will be able to join the armed forces. If he's sensible I would let him if he's the type to throw massive parties no way.

My parents left me at home overnight at that age, but I had a friend (same age) stay with me and her parents only lived 5 mins away. But we were fairly sensible.
it depends on the teen.

Haha! The first thing I did in that situation was to stock up on booze and fags and have 30 friends round for a party! But maybe your son is more sensible.

It's not going well for you if you're struggling to read & understand what has already been written and quoted from the HM Gov website. It's not - long post and the reasoning is clearly laid out.

I'm not interested in debating with the PPs who are parenting outliers. OP asked a question. And it's been answered. By range of different parents and some professionals.

Absolutely. I leave my 15 nearly 16 year old overnight. He's fine.
Normally come back to a cleaner house than when I left.

Why do people get so rude so quickly on MN these days? It’s supposed to be a discussion so people will have different views.

What do people think children services are going to do.

Jeez they have far more worrying things to deal with other than a 15 year old being left home alone overnight.

18 in the scenario you have described.

And he'd be fully supervised in the army and never be overnight on his own.
My girls would have had a friend stay and be fine. It depends on how street smart he is and if he's the type to think having mates in, who he doesn't really know is going to be ok. You'd also have to make it clear that if something happens you won't get angry, you want to be able to intervene early and at the first hint of anything, he phones you.

Why so defensive? I've read the Gov website, and the NSPCC site but I was asking you why YOU thought it wasn't good parenting. I was interested in your opinion.
It's not going well for you if you can't handle a question on a discussion site without getting snippy...

Yes of course it’s fine - he’s 15 not 5!
so many parents baby their teenagers it’s ridiculous!

I'm curious now: let's say you live on the 4th floor with a big balcony and the 15 year old has party. Someone gets drunk, leans too far over the banister and a terrible accident happens. Could you have predicted that? I'd say there's a chance this could happen. What do you think?

I think it's depends on the child. I would feel more comfortable leaving a younger one alone than a nearly 16 year old but that's just because they tend to have stupid ideas. It really depends on your child and how likely they are to have a huge party. In terms of looking after themselves though, they're more than old enough.

For background, my DPs left me alone for 3 weeks at 15 while they went on holiday. They phoned occasionally (this was back in the very lax eighties). I had money and was expected to shop for food for myself, keep the house clean and most definitely not have parties. I did have one party, and the neighbours dobbed me in. I also left my 15 year old DS alone for 1-2 nights, and expected him to be able to fly by himself and manage airports, train stations etc by himself.

BUT, and this is a big but, I didn't spring it on DS and my DPs didn't just up sticks and leave me alone suddenly. I would (if you have time) leave him alone for a day, and possibly early evening, and do this at least twice before leaving him alone overnight a couple of times. Given that you have grandparents very close by, he's 16 soon and you seem to think he's capable, then he's probably going to be fine with this.

I'd be fine to to be honest if the 15yo is mature, but would prefer to arrange he spends the night with grandparents

We'll be leaving my 15 year old, we've been leaving him and his sister (just 18) for a few months, started very locally but now we happily go further away.
Although she's older, he's the sensible one that locks up, turns off appliances, sets the alarm, feeds the dog etc.

He's mature and absolutely not the sort to throw a party or even have mates over if we say not to, yet I do question myself simply because of his age. He's more than happy and so we will do it (the dog's an important factor), I know he'll be fine but I'll be happier when he turns 16 even though nothing will actually change on that day

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with leaving a sensible 15 year old alone overnight, and they most certainly should have the skills to do it by that age if they've been brought up appropriately. However, since this the first time that he would be left, I think 6 hours drive between you and 2 nights is too big a plunge in the deep end. So for me, it would be a no for this time, but I'd be looking to arrange something where I'd be away locally and for just one night in the near future so he can build up (your) confidence in a more controlled way.

Not overnight for two days with no family close by, no I wouldn’t and I have a sensible DS. Can he come with you, or go with his Dad to his GP’s house?

How many times have I read on mn about teens who were perfectly sensible and trustworthy going on to have baaad parties. No way I'd do it.