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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

294 replies

OnlyYellowRoses · 10/03/2023 07:51

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

OP posts:
WhereIsMumHiding3 · 10/03/2023 10:26

The issue isn't could you be arrested for it, or face safeguarding if something went wrong? But that is it thought to be good parenting ?

The quote on official government website suggests not. Because the NSPCC guidance they quote recommends not leaving children under the age of 16 alone overnight. (Let alone two nights which spans quite a long period)

Ofc there will be many PPs come on his asserting that "it's fine and they've done it/ do it all the time.... other people are Molly coddling their children not to leave them alone... as it's not illegal.. their child is uniquely mature " etc...

But it is not good parenting. The NSPCC (a respected national charity) says so in the section specifically quoted by the our government on their official website.

There's a whole range of behaviours that constitute "not great parenting" that aren't illegal. I'm just surprised so many MNers on here boast about it. I'm sure many of those PPs will come on to justify why "it's in their children developmental interests" to leave them alone overnight under 16... but it doesn't change the facts it's not recommended.

KeepingTheWaterOut · 10/03/2023 10:31

At that age, for one night away, I organised an older cousin to come for a sleepover. I paid to have a takeaway delivered, so that it felt more like a fun film and takeaway night with a cousin, rather than being "babysat". I also gave the cousin some "petrol" money!

I also told my next door neighbour (who knew the cousin by sight) that we were away, and what we'd arranged, and she'd have helped in an emergency. My sister (cousin's mother) would also have helped, but she was a 35 min drive away.

Not sure what I'd have done for two nights.

PandasAreUseless · 10/03/2023 10:32

Jeez, I went on holiday to a cottage for a week at 15 - just me and my boyfriend (also 15)!
We were so young, my mum had to sign a disclaimer!

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 10:32

My mam used to work nights and left me from 13 years old. I used to get myself up in the morning, do my paper round and get off to school, before she got home. (She only did night now and again).

Aged 14, we had a gas leak, I turned the gas off, called the gas board and her at work. An engineer came round, confirmed that it was safe and arranged for another guy to come and repair it. He asked if I was alone and I confirmed it.

Nobody batted an eyelid.

AnneElliott · 10/03/2023 10:33

Yes really @slowquickstep. We had 2 blokes try to break in by kicking the door down a few years ago. I was frankly terrified and I was an adult in my 40s. I wouldn't want DS to be alone if something like that happened.

Yes I know at 17 he can join the army but he couldn't be deployed abroad and he can't get married now til he's 18! Obviously at some point he'll have to be left overnight and in general I'm more of a relaxed parent (on MN and in RL) but I wouldn't be able to relax and certainly would t sleep so no point in me going anywhere.

But that's me personally - not saying the op is right or wrong.

TenoringBehind · 10/03/2023 10:34

Depends very much on the child. Mine has no common sense at all and would forget to go to bed and wouldn’t notice or know what to do if something went wrong.
My older dc was sensible at 15/16 but now at 17 I couldn’t leave him for fear he’d have a party and/or drink all the alcohol in the house.

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 10:36

WhereIsMumHiding3 · Today 10:26

The NSPCC (a respected national charity)...

They lost a lot of respect, after they employed Gimp Suit Wank at Work Man.

Igenix4 · 10/03/2023 10:36

Would depend on their behaviour and maturity, my parents would leave me by myself for a long weekend regularly from 13, I had an aunt not far away if I needed anything

Guis23 · 10/03/2023 10:37

No. Too young. May seem able enough etc but nightmare waiting to happen.

Salverus · 10/03/2023 10:38

Oh dear. I left mine at that age. She was absolutely fine, had a friend to stay (with other parents permission). They were very sensible and the house was all tidy when I got back.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 10/03/2023 10:39

Yes absolutely i would. My son is sensible and i trust him 100%. Help is near by. A good way to teach them to start becoming more independent and self reliant. Let go a little bit and give him the benefit of the doubt.

PartingGift · 10/03/2023 10:41

@WhereIsMumHiding3

He's 16 in less than 3 months. I think OP should make a judgement based on what she knows about him, rather than some arbitrary target age from a "respected charity". Some kids are fine to be left at 15, some aren't okay to be left at 16 (probably because they've been molly coddled).

x2boys · 10/03/2023 10:42

sixfoot · 10/03/2023 09:30

don't be ridiculous.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

what if something went seriously wrong? house fire, robbery, flood, the child is suddenly unwell (happened recently to a friends 14 year old, if they hadn't got him to hospital he would have died).

I leave my 15 year old all the time in the day, she's very sensible and responsible but I still wouldn't leave her overnight until 16.

If you feel differently crack on. and stop being so aggro when people disagree with you.

Show quote history

But that's not all.going to change in a few months is it?
My 16 year also had a sudden medic so emergency ,he collapsed two.and a half weeks ago with acute pancreatitis and was admitted to critical care,it was touch and go for a few days ,thankfully he's well, on his way to.recovering ,but this could have happened wether he was 14,15 or even 25 medical emergency,scan happen to.anyone .

Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 10:43

Depends on emotional mature he or she was at that age of 15 yrs age,
As this can obviously vary,

Some midd teenagers are more emotional responsible and intelligent than others ,

I would ensue they have obviously tel numbers of yourself and another responsible trustworthy Adult, family member or family friend,

If whatever reason, it was bit difficult to get in contact with you,

Such as your mobile tel had run out of 🔋 battery,
Or
Something else unexpected/whatever

Also for peace of mind tel them what to do in emergency situation

CorpusCallosum · 10/03/2023 10:44

I would. Especially with Grandparents so close. He's nearly 16, this is a good opportunity to test his life skills.

RemoteControlDoobry · 10/03/2023 10:45

Clymene · 10/03/2023 10:05

So 15 year olds are too young to be left and have a magical transformation at midnight on their 16th birthday?

What poppycock.

Mine (apparently) had this magical transformation on their eighteenth birthday. Their dad now has ‘adult’ children who he has no responsibility for. Some people are sticklers for the rules 🙄.

slowquickstep · 10/03/2023 10:45

HareintheBluebells · 10/03/2023 08:53

I've left DD at that age with her brother (17). Have never left her on her own but she'd be fine- would worry about her being lonely or bored but not about her getting up to mischief.

Heaven forbid your child is bored or lonely. When they are 18 will you still mollycoddle them ?

Theelephantinthecastle · 10/03/2023 10:46

@PandasAreUseless now that I think about it, I went youth hostelling at 15/16.

PennyRa · 10/03/2023 10:47

13 year olds can live on their own

Oblomov23 · 10/03/2023 10:48

Depends on the child. Only you know. I would. Ds1 was very mature and could be left. I only didn't because the situation didn't arise.

savvy7 · 10/03/2023 10:48

I wouldn't, not at 15

WandaWonder · 10/03/2023 10:49

We do during the day heaps but won't be overnight till 16

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 10:49

PennyRa · 10/03/2023 10:47

13 year olds can live on their own

I assume that's a typo!

PennyRa · 10/03/2023 10:50

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 10:49

I assume that's a typo!

Show quote history

No

Chipsahoy · 10/03/2023 10:51

Nope nope nope. My boys is 15. I would leave him to even babysit his brothers overnight if I had to but only ever in an emergency otherwise nope he won’t be staying overnight alone for at least another year or so.