To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

Children’s Services, and they have quite a bit!

Legally the position is that if you leave them when under 16 without an adult you are still responsible. So if anything went wrong, it might well be considered neglect.

Is that because you haven't given them the opportunities to learn there is nothing to be terrified of?

Not sure anyone can answer that question until it happens. He has a phone.

It is not advisable to leave a child under 16 alone overnight. 15 is too young

I agree with you OP, just because your DH thinks you can and that DS is sensible, doesn't mean you should..

The law on leaving your child on their own
The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC))_ says:
• children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

From www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

I'm a social worker :)
in fact I'm a manager of a child protection team. We don't have the right to tell you when you can leave your children alone. You as the parents have the right to make those decisions.
legally you're responsible for them until they are 18. If you leave an under 18 alone and something totally predictable goes wrong and they are harmed as a result you could be arrested (by the police, not children's services) but if you couldn't have predicted the events and the child would have been reasonably considered responsible enough to stay alone then no, you wouldn't get arrested.

The school overstepped in that case.

I suppose it depends on the child. How sensible are they? Would they have a massive party? Do they regularly cook for themselves?

I would/could have left DC on their own at that age. However some of their friends struggle at 18+.

I was homeless a few weeks after my 16th birthday so I suppose this has tainted my view.

I think for me it would depend on:

Your area and neighbours - I grew up on a very quiet road where everyone knew everyone, we now live on a busy road where next door is an HMO which feels very different

The grandparents - are they active and willing to come and check on him a few times etc, would they be competent and helpful in an emergency

This is a charity who have produced guidance. Not law, and not something anyone is obliged to follow.
also - "Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health" is not what people are talking about here is it?

So 15 year olds are too young to be left and have a magical transformation at midnight on their 16th birthday?

What poppycock.

I’m a lawyer :-)

It’s unlikely you would be arrested, or prosecuted in the criminal courts other than in exceptional circumstances, but it is likely that it would be considered a safeguarding issue, and I’m sure you know this.

My parents left me home alone for 3 nights at the age of 14, while they were 300 miles away at my grandfather’s funeral.
I left my 15 year old home alone for 3 nights while I was in Prague.
That wasn’t even planned - she was denied boarding at the airport on our family passport, as Czechia requires a separate passport from 15, not 16 and we hadn’t realised. DD had to get a taxi 50 miles home and then later bus 10 miles to the supermarket to get food as well. She coped brilliantly and even baked a cake for me arriving home.
If you have raised your DS to be resourceful, he will manage.

You would also know as manager of a child protection team that the decisions made by your team are subjective ones and based on what they judge to be in a child’s interests, and that in the family courts a parent had little power. Having seen family court proceedings, I wouldn’t risk it or advise anyone else to.

A parent leaving a 15 year old at home overnight wouldn't be a safeguarding issue by itself.
if the 15 year old got injured then it would probably be opened for assessment and the criteria I set out above would apply. If the parents could not have reasonably predicted the injury and the child was reasonably considered mature enough to be left alone it should not be considered either child neglect or a safeguarding issue.

It would be a no from me.

My parents left me home alone for 2 nights when they went to a family wedding right in the middle of my GCSE exams. I was 16 (17 in the following September) and I hated every moment of it.

Absolutely fine. I went abroad on my own at 15

It's two nights and with adults ten minutes away. He presumably has a phone to call for help if needed.

Some of us lived on our own at that age and are here to tell the tale.

I never really understand the point someone is making when they say "what if something went seriously wrong?"

At 15 I was just as capable of calling the emergency services as I am now. And I don't really know why being left overnight is so much more risky than being left alone during the day - surely risks of fire/flood are actually higher during the day when people are cooking/ using whatever causes the flood.

A sudden medical emergency can happen to anyone, at any time, and depending on the severity of the event either if they're alone - even just in another room to anyone else, they're either not going to be able to do anything or its a case of making a phone call to an appropriate adult - whether vs getting the attention of another adult in another room. Frankly the risk of a sudden severe medical event is (particular high risk conditions excluded) probably higher for most parents than their mid-teens, so unless you think you should never be left alone in case you have a sudden cardiac arrest or something that's really not a logical argument.

Obviously some teens will be more responsible and better able to cope than others, but without an overnight stay requiring extra risks being taken that would never happen during the day, in and of itself "what if something happens" is not a logical argument.

@MaireadMcSweeney

It is copied directly from HM Gov website-
I even put the link on!!!
It is a national well respected charity guidance that the official government website chooses to quote. Most legislation has code if or active and guidance that helps clarify interpretation of that legislation.

Yes, it is exactly what OP is asking. Should she leave a 15 year old alone at home overnight? The guidelines from NSPCC quoted on HM Gov website, indicate it's not recommended.

Sorry mistype
Code of practice or guidance, I meant

Not overnight no.

I might leave my 15 yr old early morning, say 6am, or even come back around 10pm but I'd not leave overnight

what if something went seriously wrong? house fire, robbery, flood, the child is suddenly unwell (happened recently to a friends 14 year old, if they hadn't got him to hospital he would have died). I leave my 15 year old all the time in the day, she's very sensible and responsible but I still wouldn't leave her overnight until 16

so what would have happened to that friend’s 15 year old if they were 16? What would the difference be? You can’t live life in fear of and dependent on some obscure circumstance happening. That would be no life at all.

He's almost old enough to leave home anyway.

I flatly refused to go with my parents on holiday when I was 15.
They were happy to leave me, & nothing untoward happened.
No mobile 'phones, no GPs , but perfect peace for me without my toddler bro.

we left our 16 year old DS (year 11) and 14 year old DD (year 10) overnight last weekend from 5pm until 10am the next day as me, DH and DS2 age 12 were at a scout camp. We were only a 5 minute drive away though.

I was left alone for up to a week a fair few times from 15. Single parent who had to travel abroad for business. It was fine. I knew how to use a key and lock the door, cook simple meals, use the washing machine, where the fuse box was, to leave the house if there was a fire etc. Tbh I would be worried if a 15 year old didn't know how to do these things.

I don't have kids (yet), but seems kids are a lot more molly coddled these days. I was allowed to travel into our local city from 12 on my own, started working in a restaurant from 15 and started babsitting our neighbours toddler when I was 14. From what my what my colleagues this doesn't really happen now.

...though saying that, my older brother was also left alone at 16or 17 for one week and the house was trashed in a house party, so depends on the teenager and their friends I guess!