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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

294 replies

OnlyYellowRoses · 10/03/2023 07:51

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 09:26

sixfoot · 10/03/2023 09:23

no, because the advice is not to leave them overnight until 16.

Who's advice and what authority do they have over you as a parent?

Minfilia · 10/03/2023 09:26

My DD was desperate to be left in the house alone overnight. We are a family of six and after all the covid lockdowns she was just sick of people and wanted some quiet!

So we did leave her overnight at 15 and a half - but, she is very sensible and mature, we have electric gates, a house alarm and CCTV so the house is very secure, plus a good neighbour who would call in if necessary and grandparents ten minutes away.

She started travelling abroad alone at 16 so she’s always been a bit older than her years but for us it was fine, now at 17 we let her and her boyfriend house sit for a few days at a time and we’ve never had any issues.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 10/03/2023 09:26

I wouldn't do it.

HairyKitty · 10/03/2023 09:27

Can’t he sleep at grandparents and stay home in the day?

BCBird · 10/03/2023 09:29

At first I thought fine,but when I saw overnight it then changed to no. Is it possible for him.to go to stay with grandparents?

thetailorofgloucester · 10/03/2023 09:30

It depends on the teen but if you have raised them to be independent and sensible then 15 is absolutely fine.

ZeldaB · 10/03/2023 09:30

Depends if grandparents would actually help. I recently had a medical emergency at 3am rendering me trapped in bed but with my mobile, and no one I called answered the phone (even adults elsewhere in the same house as me), everyone has got rid of landlines and turn their mobile off overnight. Ended up calling ambulance but that was another 5hrs.

If your DS needs help at 3am, would he get it? If the answer is yes you can leave him, but if grandparents would sleep through a phone call then don’t.

I’m also not sure you can trust him not to have guests. I was a v sensible 15 yr old but I still let the cool kids into my parents house and let them steal alcohol. Don’t really know why, just enjoyed the attention/ couldn’t work out how to politely say no I guess.

sixfoot · 10/03/2023 09:30

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 09:26

Who's advice and what authority do they have over you as a parent?

Show quote history

don't be ridiculous.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

what if something went seriously wrong? house fire, robbery, flood, the child is suddenly unwell (happened recently to a friends 14 year old, if they hadn't got him to hospital he would have died).

I leave my 15 year old all the time in the day, she's very sensible and responsible but I still wouldn't leave her overnight until 16.

If you feel differently crack on. and stop being so aggro when people disagree with you.

User15953798 · 10/03/2023 09:30

We didn't under 16, once DS was 16 we went away in the UK for a week and left him but under 16 we were always home after a night out.

Dacadactyl · 10/03/2023 09:31

I personally wouldn't.

We recently had a similar situation and decided that DD should go and stay over at her grandparents (also 10 mins away) for the weekend.

Although, she would have had a party if we hadn't. But that wasn't our main concern...more, if the house went up in smoke, I'd never forgive myself

aSofaNearYou · 10/03/2023 09:35

Personally I think teenagers need to learn to put up with going on family visits they don't feel like going on. This is complicated by the family you are visiting being your DPs so in an ideal world I'd want him to either go with his dad on his trip, or go and stay with the local grandparents.

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/03/2023 09:36

sixfoot · 10/03/2023 09:30

don't be ridiculous.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

what if something went seriously wrong? house fire, robbery, flood, the child is suddenly unwell (happened recently to a friends 14 year old, if they hadn't got him to hospital he would have died).

I leave my 15 year old all the time in the day, she's very sensible and responsible but I still wouldn't leave her overnight until 16.

If you feel differently crack on. and stop being so aggro when people disagree with you.

Show quote history

It's a perfectly valid question. Do you follow all government advice? It's perfectly reasonable to say 'I wouldn't because of XY reasons' but just to say 'the advice says' is meaningless.

FebName · 10/03/2023 09:42

It's mumsnet! You can't leave your kids alone until they are at least 36!

HappyAsASandboy · 10/03/2023 09:45

At 15/16 I stayed at home for two weeks while my parents went to Africa for two weeks! A friend moved in. We had to be careful not to miss the school bus in the mornings as no other way to get to school!

We did have a party, with alcohol and raucous behaviour. It was brilliant, and I hope my kids get the same opportunities Grin

I am sensible. I always was sensible. It was right to trust me to stay at home alone, not unreasonable for me to have a party (no lasting consequences, though one friend did open a bottle gin my mother intended to gift to someone after the holiday), and I learned from the experience.

I worry for kids going off to university when they've never stayed overnight at home alone.

SavBlancTonight · 10/03/2023 09:47

I know I'm just repeating what lots of others have said but just agreeing that it depends on the teen completely. I suspect that DS (12 currently) will most likely be absolutely fine in this situation in a few years but he's very sensible and independent.

Does he have a good friend who could come stay over ? My brother and I are very close in age and the few times our parents weren't around it was nice to have each other. That might be a good compromise, assuming the other parents are comfortable with it.

xogossipgirlxo · 10/03/2023 09:48

FebName · 10/03/2023 09:42

It's mumsnet! You can't leave your kids alone until they are at least 36!

Yep, sadly this. OP says child is sensible, but nooooo, I wouldn't leave him alone at this age. Jesus. How these kids are supposed to learn to be responsible. I remember I was left alone for a week at this age. Mum cooked and froze meals for me, I was totally fine. It was actually nice to have a break from them 😂

Workinghardeveryday · 10/03/2023 09:49

It’s a tricky one.

I was left alone overnight from 12, made my own tea and was alone and put myself to bed. I was more than capable.

My 12 year old twins would be terrified if they were left overnight, as would my 17 year old dd…

Workinghardeveryday · 10/03/2023 09:51

Also left for a week by myself with no warning of it and was fine, I coped

RedHelenB · 10/03/2023 09:52

I have, almost 16. Twice. They were fine both times, they are on the end of a phone

WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/03/2023 09:52

People keep saying it depends on the kid and whether he’s capable of looking after himself - and that’s true.

But it also depends on the parents and whether they are capable of believing it.

It’s quite possible that the kid could do it but the parents can’t.

I think I have a tendency to be that sort of parent. I have to fight against it.

RedHelenB · 10/03/2023 09:53

scoobydoo1971 · 10/03/2023 09:09

It depends on maturity of the teen. I would be reluctant to leave my 15 year old boy at home alone. This is because he has his head in the clouds and would leave the lights on, or not lock the front door. I would be worried.

So ring/message him to remind him. It's how he'll learn.

Sarah2891 · 10/03/2023 09:53

If they are sensible then yes leaving them is absolutely fine

ImAGoodPerson · 10/03/2023 09:53

This is one of those things that cannot be answered by strangers. My boys at 15 could have been left and have been. I know some friends DCs that definitely couldn't be. Only you can know if you could trust him.

TurnipSurprise · 10/03/2023 09:55

I left my 15 year old DS for one night over night whilst I was a 20 minute drive away and the school gave me a telling off and threatened to report me to social services. I had organised childcare for the younger two but DS didn't want to stay at my sisters so I let him stay home. His dad lives a 10 minute walk from our house.

shelbyger · 10/03/2023 09:56

Too young for 2 nights. 1 if you had family very close by likes in same town otherwise NO!