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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

442 replies

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:06

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

OP posts:
gogohmm · 09/03/2023 21:42

Think I've stumbled across the 1950's! My parents lived together before marriage in the 60's at my grandparents. Shock horror I'm not married to dp AND I'm even a card carrying Christian (literally I work for the c of e and have an Id badge. God really doesn't care

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 21:42

We did say for him to sleep on sofa bed but DD said no to that one

OP posts:
PurpleWisteria1 · 09/03/2023 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleWisteria1 · 09/03/2023 21:44

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 21:42

We did say for him to sleep on sofa bed but DD said no to that one

Yes well that’s a bit rude in my opinion. Maybe if she doesn’t like your rules she could spend some money on booking an airport hotel the night before?
If I felt like you my response would be it’s the sofa for him or find somewhere else.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 09/03/2023 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This thread is a classic example of where 'believing in god' - which is your own business - turns into 'inflicting ridiculous god stuff onto other people'.

Hartlebury · 09/03/2023 21:47

Good lord.

DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights
Tropicaliyes · 09/03/2023 21:48

I didn’t RTFT however if they are going away alone together for 4 nights anyway then what makes you think they are planning to have sex that 1 night before they leave when they have 4 full days and nights alone to have sex?

makes no sense to me and they are both legally consenting adults!

it’s not even like you said he can stay but not sleep in the same room… you straight up said no!

housemaus · 09/03/2023 21:49

You're being weird. She's an adult. Why is it disrespectful for an adult to share a room (and maybe have sex) with their adult partner in their home?

Her response isn't immature, it's actually pretty mature: she thinks your rules are weird and outdated and is making plans to leave as a result. And sharing information with her boyfriend isn't immature either - people in relationships talk to each other.

And yes, you're being old fashioned. You're entitled to be, but she's entitled to think it's old fashioned and restrictive.

A34 · 09/03/2023 21:49

OP, carry on as you want if you don't want to have a healthy relationship with your daughter going forward. Don't be surprised if she distances herself.

BridieConvert · 09/03/2023 21:50

I am SO glad my mum is nothing like you! Me and DH have been together since I was 17. We used to spend whole weekends together at alternate houses - his parents one week, mine the next.
There was always clear rules and boundaries but there was never this nonsense chat of disrespect 🙄

Thedogscollar · 09/03/2023 21:50

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 09/03/2023 21:30

Have I time travelled back to the 1980s?

Hey I'll have you know when I was young in the eighties DH who was BF at the time and I had sex all over the house at all hours of the day😉
I'm 60 now and I think this post is ridiculous. It's a perfectly natural to want to be close to your bf /gf especially as a teenager. Oh the memories lol.
Anyway I think you are BU as I cannot understand for the life of me how this is disrespectful plus they will probably just sleep anyway if up at 4am. The next four days though well I hope they have bloody great time.
Sex is not dirty stop making out like it is with your "disrespectful" remarks, and for all the the religious zealots on here you are exactly the reason I don't go to church.

Cosycover · 09/03/2023 21:51

Ffs get a grip

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 21:51

We said we don’t feel comfortable him sleeping in her room but can sleep on sofa bed but dd said no to that

OP posts:
marchella · 09/03/2023 21:51

You haven't answered the question about why it is disrespectful. Also, can she hear you at night?

Devilrocknroller · 09/03/2023 21:51

So is it disrespectful for you and your partner to have sex while you're daughters in the house, or does that rule only apply to her?

xprincessxjanetx · 09/03/2023 21:53

YABU...ridiculous! My parents were like this and it did our relationship no favours.

Cosycover · 09/03/2023 21:54

Your daughters sex life is none of your business. I don't understand why you are even thinking about it?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/03/2023 21:54

OP, she has had plenty of sex in your house, both while you're in and when you're out.

They're more likely to be 'respectful' when you show her, her boyfriend and their relationship some respect. When my boyfriend was first allowed to sleep over I wouldn't have sex with him while my parents were next door because I felt they had respected our relationship so I respected their rules.

It's give and take.

Also it's highly embarrassing at that age to tell your boyfriend that your parents don't think you're mature enough to have a boy in your bedroom.

xprincessxjanetx · 09/03/2023 21:55

And yes I hope you are not disrespectful to your DD by having sex at night when she is asleep in the next room...double standards me thinks..

Youfeelme · 09/03/2023 21:56

Team DD

Mixedin · 09/03/2023 21:56

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 21:42

We did say for him to sleep on sofa bed but DD said no to that one

if you accept they’ll hv sex then where are you ok for it to happen?

RumandSpinach · 09/03/2023 21:56

Would it ever be OK for her to have sex in your house? If she was 29 and living with you does she need to be celibate?

ThereIbledit · 09/03/2023 21:58

So you and your partner never have sex when she's in her own bedroom next door? Do you never have guests who are a couple, or do you make one of them sleep on the sofa as well?

I think you're being very presumptuous and rude towards your daughter. You don't know that they are going to be having sex, and you seem to be totally clueless about the fact that she might not to have sex with her parents next door either. She certainly won't want her bloody parents hearing her having sex any more than you want to hear it, and neither will he for goodness sake, so calm that overactive imagination, apologise to your daughter and accept an adult partner of your family as a guest like anybody normal would.

SnappyTheCrocodile · 09/03/2023 21:59

Thindog · 09/03/2023 21:26

I would definitely forbid my offspring from having sex under my roof, because in my experience, the forbidden is always so much more fun.

🤣🤣🤣

It is.

Twotwentytwo · 09/03/2023 22:00

Oh for goodness sake, give them a break. I have two grown up ‘children’ 22 & 20 neither can afford to move out yet so 4-5 nights of the week there’s at least one partner staying over.

we’ve set ground rules on respect and noise and to be fair I’ve never been disturbed, they are mature and respectful. Which is what I’d expect at that age.

it makes for a nice home where everyone feels comfortable and happy. If you want to keep a nice relationship with your DD you need to unclench over this.