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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure how or if to put this right

525 replies

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 16:13

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 10/03/2023 01:41

I polite 'excuse me could you pick it up please' not knowing it was her field, sure these things happen

The rest was above and beyond

I don't blame her now

Feelinglikeihadaboringnight · 10/03/2023 01:44

Move her sheep on there just to justify the fence 🤣🤣🤣🤣

she doesn’t have to justify anything to anyone it’s her land.

After the way you’ve bullied her even after she told you it was her land I think you’re very lucky she didn’t describe you to anyone.
Now your kid and all the neighbours kids will have to find somewhere else to go, at least it won’t have the landowners dog poo as they now have their own property back.
I hope you’re proud of yourself

Feelinglikeihadaboringnight · 10/03/2023 01:49

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/03/2023 17:37

You did the right thing - not picking up dog mess is disgusting even if you own the land.

She wont have erected an electric fence just because you confronted her. That takes time and planning. Stop blaming yourself.

I am assuming this in England because what she has done (electric fence, blocking access) is illegal in Scotland.

She’s not blocking access. The fence is to form a path. There must be a right of way through the land
Electric fences as long as signed are perfectly legal.

magicthree · 10/03/2023 02:03

Well, you sound like a piece of work and now you are paying the price. Good on her, I don't blame her for not wanting people in her field if you are a sample of the locals.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 10/03/2023 02:31

I think it’s a great pity that the lady farmer didn’t pick up the dog shit and fling it in OPs entitled face. 💩💩💩

blisstwins · 10/03/2023 02:38

You are not the police. It was great to ask her to pick it up, if she told you not was her land and you bullied her. Zero chance I would open that land back up. She was so gracious to have let the neighborhood kids use it ever. I would just drop the matter and hope it goes away.

Trez1510 · 10/03/2023 02:44

chevvyroo · 09/03/2023 22:28

Seems like you were delighted to take this older woman to task while you felt you had the moral high ground AND judged her to be a suitable target.

Now you're scared and sorry for yourself that the other residents will be angry at you.

The OP's self-described behaviour at the incident and her responses on here are confirmation that all bullies are, at heart, cowards.

OP currently cowering away, shitting her pants, terrified her actions will be made public.

You fucked up OP and there is zero way out of this for you. You'd be best looking on Rightmove and Zoopla to be ahead of the game for when the entire neighbourhood turns on you, as they will, when they find out.

Be clear, it's not a case of if they find out, it really is when.

ootb · 10/03/2023 02:54

Mamamia7962 · 09/03/2023 18:17

So I take it the majority of people on here would be quite happy for their children to play on a field where the owner lets their dog shit on it and doesn't clear it up. Mumsnet is very strange at times.

I don't understand your thinking at all. It seems incredibly entitled.

It would be fair if you still thought the field was public property, but in your comment you acknowledge that you already know it's private property

I don't understand how both you and OP can think it's okay to barge into someone else's property and demand they keep it a certain way for your own child.

Yes I wouldn't be happy with dog shit, but I'd tell my child to go play elsewhere – you can't just physically colonise ownership like that for your own children. That's not how civilised society works.

TheAustralian · 10/03/2023 03:08

Your a bullying c*nt. I would have called the police if I was here. Consider yourself lucky

you dont go around pulling and intimating older women. What would you have done if it had been your mum?

CrikeyPeg · 10/03/2023 03:11

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 16:26

@neilyoungismyhero it is quite old fencing by the looks of it-I think they’ve just moved it from elsewhere on the farm. I don’t think she’s actually spent any money. Hopefully she’ll take it down when she’s calmed down!

When she's calmed down?? You're kidding, right?

And what's with the snippy comments about God's gift?

marchella · 10/03/2023 03:14

This sounds like a whole lot of dog poop.

BritInAus · 10/03/2023 03:26

I think there's a massive difference between once asking 'could you please pick that up?' and blocking her passage, and 'making' her clean it up. Sounds like you potentially got hot-headed and aggressive.
A real shame for the kids that now can't play on the land.
Not much you can do.
I agree with PP that I would send a very sorry note/card with flowers/a plant or similar - don't mention the fence or anything - just you are so sorry, you had a bad day and took it out on her, and really didn't think it was her land, or you'd never have dreamed of saying what you did...

GothicNight · 10/03/2023 03:30

You're both terribly dramatic people. Yes she should have cleaned up but you should have just moved on and left it alone or cleaned it up yourself. It's her property though and she has a right to do whatever she wants. While I think she's also overreacting I can't blame her.

If it comes back to bite you both you both brought this karma onto yourself.

MrsMorrisey · 10/03/2023 03:33

Good grief OP. Who do you think you are?
People like you expect everyone to just do what you think. It's her land!!!! She probably thought you were threatening her by blocking her way.
You really need to apologise.

blisstwins · 10/03/2023 03:46

OP did threaten her. Maybe the owner was sick of kids playing in her field and this was the last straw. Nevertheless, it is risky to her to have kids playing in her land. I bet oP would sue if there was something she thought not properly maintained. The open field was nice while it lasted, but people took a kindness as an entitlement and now it’s gone. I would just let it go.

LuckyPeonies · 10/03/2023 03:56

OP, I sincerely hope your neighbors soon find out the bully who caused everyone’s loss of field access was YOU ! 🥳

crew2022 · 10/03/2023 04:13

If she hadn't turned out to be the actual landowner would you consider what you did was wrong? Would you be giving it a second thought or buying flowers for the person?
I think not.
You need to consider the impact of your behaviour on others regardless of what they can or can't do for you.
Yes dog poo is disgusting but forcing someone to pick it up is unnecessarily aggressive.

Buildingthefuture · 10/03/2023 04:41

The woman told you it was her land and you thought she was “having you on”? Why? If someone did this to me, on my land, I would do exactly the same as she has. I want and have the right to be able to walk my dogs in peace on my own property and an aggressive confrontation like this would have me putting up a fence sharpish. You should apologise op, not because you want her to give back access to her field, but because you behaved badly.

Trez1510 · 10/03/2023 04:46

LuckyPeonies · 10/03/2023 03:56

OP, I sincerely hope your neighbors soon find out the bully who caused everyone’s loss of field access was YOU ! 🥳

I think they will because some lazy journo will be slavering over this expose of an elderly person having been bullied and intimidated by some ignorant, obnoxious individual.

snitzelvoncrumb · 10/03/2023 04:55

I would go and apologise, and assure her you and your kids won’t go in the field again. Maybe the other kids can still enjoy it.

snitzelvoncrumb · 10/03/2023 04:55

Because if it gets out it was you, you are going to have to move.

Dunnoburt · 10/03/2023 05:09

Personally I think you did the right thing....dog shit is disgusting.....just unfortunate that she owned the field.

Dexy007 · 10/03/2023 05:13

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 09/03/2023 16:29

You intimidated a woman on her private field that she kindly allowed others to play on?

You fucked up, and you sound like a bully.

Lesson learned, hope your neighbours don't find out it was you.

Typically Mumsnet. Sigh.

OP I think you hundred percent did the right thing. I wish everyone in society was like you (no sarcasm!)

i agree the field has probably gone. But I’d find her and say you are sorry and you hope she understands you were only annoyed at the idea of dog poo being left on the owner’s field - because you knew it belonged to someone, just not (at that point) her. And say you appreciate that she let kids, yours included, play on it.

don’t worry about your neighbours. If they are decent people they would have done the same.

bozzabollix · 10/03/2023 05:45

I own several acres of land and if my dogs shit it biodegrades. If that’s anyone else’s problem they can literally fuck off and I’d tell them that. If any kids play in my woods they need to look where they’re stepping.

Think you got off pretty lightly to be honest, but I guess you’re younger and intimidated her. No going back I’m afraid, you’ve wrecked it for everyone and it’ll probably come out who it is too.

StoppinBy · 10/03/2023 06:01

Wow OP you really stuffed up.

Did you know it was privately owned? Surely the owner would use it so it should have occurred to you that she might be telling the truth.

Yes, you should apologise but don't expect anything because of your apology. Accept you treated her badly on her own land that she generously allowed kids to play in and kept clean and your kids are no longer welcome.

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