Not sure how or if to put this right

[Smartieshavesomeanswers]

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

Jesus Christ. Don't tell her you thought she looked like she wasnt looking after it properly.

You messed up, just own your misjudgment and I agree with the others, don't turn up at her house especially joe you know you make her feel unsafe.

If you want to make things right I'd maybe apologise via letter and tell her you don't want to make her feel unsafe and offer to keep off her land if she wants to allow the neighbourhood children back on. Maybe in time she will let you back on, with every update you post thiug you make it sound like you don't actually care you've bullied someone and it's more about your kids having access to her property.

And after the woman told her she owned the field (i.e it is private land) the OP continued to berate her.

I don’t think this was the way op thought the thread would go. I expect she thought she’d be hailed a hero for standing up for the miserable dog fouling do gooder who ruined it for op’s poor kids….

Sorry I think my messages are getting misconstrued here. I don’t mean she’s awful I just want things right again, it was such a nice space and I’m sorry to have lost it. when I was speaking to my neighbour about it being a shame it was now blocked off he said it was a shame because she’d always gone to such an effort to keep it nice, I genuinely didn’t know who she was if I’d know I wouldn’t have said anything!!!

I genuinely didn’t know who she was if I’d know I wouldn’t have said anything!!!

It doesn't matter

Asking her politely to pick up the dog poo - completely fine.

Intimidating her, blocking her path & refusing to believe her about it being her field & she'd do it later - utterly rude & bullying behaviour.

You mad woman!

Could be. Or just someone with an astonishing lack of self awareness.

I agree, take one for the team, write to her telling her you are sorry for your behaviour (leave out all the excuses and attitude) and ask her to consider letting the other village kids on the field.

Well good for her for clearing up a space that she has allowed the local community use - saying 'she's one of those community saints' is pretty nasty, and it sounds like she was civic-spirited enough to allow her field to be used for the common good and to maintain it as well, whereas all you have done is intimidate a close-to elderly woman and lost a valuable amenity for everyone else in doing so!

You really screwed up here OP and the only contrition you're showing is the lack of playing space now - you should be embarrassed to have been so aggressive - you clearly upset the landowner by your attitude. Going on to question whether she put up the fence out of spite or not is awful.

YABVU, and you should own up to it and not be so quick to lose your temper with strangers in the future.

So you intimidated a widow and now you're planning to send an anonymous note TO HER HOUSE (presumably anonymous so your name doesnt get around). How do you think she will feel...clue...intimidated.

And like you want to bribe her into giving you something you want.

Clearly only interested in preserving your own self image. Hopefully she tells you where to go. By the way haha!! 🤣🤣🤣

Why should she take it down? It’s her land, she very kindly let kids play on it, she’s decided not to any more thanks to you being aggressive.
The local kids were lucky to have someone’s private land to play on, but they were never entitled to it. I’d have done the same as her and wouldn’t open up my land to all and sundry ever again.

I don’t think your messages are getting misconstrued, even now your focus is on your sorrow at losing the space, you aren’t mortified that you upset the landowner, if she hadn’t have been the landowner it’s coming across that you would have been perfectly happy in your actions at intimidating her. And you did intimidate her. You made her pick up the poo against her wishes and have made her wary of the public using her land. I think you must have been more aggressive than you are stating here too. If she has let people use the space long term, it must have taken her a lot to go to the lengths she has to stop people coming into her land.

This is the one time I want a few newspapers to pick this story up and have it printed nationally.

You might want to tone it down in future with the blocking. You have absolutely no right to block anyone from going anywhere regardless of where their dog has shat.

If someone physically blocked me and made me feel cornered I don't know how I'd react in all honesty. Your AIBU would probably look like "got punched trying to make someone pick up dog shit, was IBU?

Fictionalcharacter - The lady who owns the field let's children play on it knowing that her dog shits on it and doesn't clear it up straight away. Not what I would class as kind.

If the parents know this, why would they want their children playing on it!

so if she hadn’t been the landowner you’d be standing by your behaviour would you?

Jeez, this gets worse and worse. She actually picked other people’s shit and litter from her own field to keep it clean for other people’s kids, and you’re sneering that she was seen as a pillar of the community type?
And you’re saying a woman in her 60s with a dog doesn’t look like a farmer? What do farmers look like?
And you just want the football field back when it never belonged to you or the community in the first place? Unbelievable.
Probably best for you to go back to the city where there are public parks.
This could be a MN classic. “Remember the OP who said a farmer was being spiteful for putting a fence round her own land because OP bullied her? And she wanted to “get the field back” because she wanted her kids to be able to play in it, lol.”

You really are clueless aren’t you?

I just want things right again

You appear to think that it's up to you to decide what the 'right' usage of this field is. You still aren't getting it. It is HER PROPERTY and therefore what is 'right' is whatever she wants. For her the 'right' usage is now grazing sheep. Why she's decided that doesn't matter.

If you're apologizing simply to 'get what you want' then just don't. To make a 'grand gesture' of apology in hopes of getting your way is just putting pressure on the person you've wronged and is equally wrong. A sincere apology has no ulterior motive, no strings. It is an acknowledgment that you were in the wrong and that you expect nothing from the person you have hurt.

You want to make it right to get the field back and so no one find out it was you!

No regard for upsetting this woman.

Entitled and zero self awareness.

Oh dear - not good
But Im not going to be vile to you like some on here
you fucked up - so how to try and repair things
send a note, flowers and dog treats
say the field was always so nicely kept, you got a bit protective of it and you are really really sorry etc that you over stepped the mark.
Maybe she will decide to let the kids back - hopefully x

You are apologising for the wrong reason, to get what you want
That's the problem
Out of interest who did you think owned it ,mowed it, cleaned it, secured it ?
You have been very dismissive of her, her rights and her appearance
I hope someone sees this and tells her she's done the right thing
That poor woman

This.

But I doubt OP will do it as she comes across as very self centered