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Original poster

Not sure how or if to put this right

525 replies

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 16:13

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 10/03/2023 08:37

2bazookas · 10/03/2023 08:33

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry.

Right now all your neighbours are comparing notes "it wasn't me, was it you? " and narrowing down the suspects; sooner or later they'll work out it was you.
Then you'll be on the receiving end of the behaviours you meted out to the land owner. Serves you right.

If you put into perspective, and you thought the land was public land, would you not have challenged someone allowing their dog to crap (and not pick i5 up) where children play? I definitely would.

FrostyFifi · 10/03/2023 08:38

Most of this country is now owned by people who inherited their land, don’t work, didn’t earn it, won’t share it

That's a farmer you halfwit. You know, one of those people who work for pennies per hour to put food in your gob and have a sky-high suicide rate?

Maireas · 10/03/2023 08:38

"how many women ambling around in their 60s with a dog are famers?"
Dear lord, OP.
You thought because she is in her 60s she couldn't be a landowner, or worse, you could intimidate her?
Ageist and sexist.
A woman in her 60s "ambling" with her dog should not be confronted in this way, even if her appearance as an older woman made you think it was ok.

Maireas · 10/03/2023 08:40

FrostyFifi · 10/03/2023 08:38

Most of this country is now owned by people who inherited their land, don’t work, didn’t earn it, won’t share it

That's a farmer you halfwit. You know, one of those people who work for pennies per hour to put food in your gob and have a sky-high suicide rate?

Absolutely. The farmers near me aren't all aristocratic landowners, they're hardworking people struggling to make a living and working all hours.

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 08:41

Casilero - A football play area with dog shit on it. You would be happy with that would you?

HikingforScenery · 10/03/2023 08:42

It’s disgusting that she left her dog’s mess when she knows she’s allowing children to play there. Being a dirty bugger is not a good thing, land owner or not

How small is the field that’s left?

Do people who allow the public to access their land receive any benefits from the council/government at all?

2bazookas · 10/03/2023 08:43

@Mamami@Mamamia7962@Mamamia7962
Well she could have said at the time that she owned the field but she didn't

READ the OP. The woman DID tell the OP it was her land.

She also said, she does pick up her dogs mess. For all the idiots who missed that.

crimsonlake · 10/03/2023 08:44

You went way too far with this confrontation, you reap what you sow.

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 08:45

follyfoot37 - This thread is about dogs.

Jellifulfruit · 10/03/2023 08:46

Regardless of whether she owned it, she should pick up her dogs shite? She knew kids play there so why the laziness? I’m glad you confronted her it shouldn’t stop you from confronting people again. And tbf im glad she felt intimidated. If the field was completely out of use then fine, but it’s used by children so she should’ve been way more thoughtful. She sounds like a twat

CalmDownBoris72 · 10/03/2023 08:47

I’d go over and apologise. Explain why you behaved the way you did and say it was unacceptable but reiterate that you really didn’t realise it was hers land etc.

She hasn’t told anyone it was you so it sounds like she’s fairly reasonable. She may listen/ she may not bit it’s worth a try.

LuluLehman · 10/03/2023 08:47

I actually couldn’t believe it when I read how you treated her. You blocked her path and “made” her pick up the mess. It sounds awful.

And to read that the only reason your behaviour bothers you now is because she is a landowner and put up a fence.

i’m afraid I don’t have any advice but others on here will.

HikingforScenery · 10/03/2023 08:47

Maireas · 10/03/2023 08:40

Absolutely. The farmers near me aren't all aristocratic landowners, they're hardworking people struggling to make a living and working all hours.

Show quote history

The person in this scenario told OP she owns it

callthataspade · 10/03/2023 08:48

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 08:41

Casilero - A football play area with dog shit on it. You would be happy with that would you?

It's not a football play area. It's a field.

entitled Twats like the op think they can use it because it's near their house.

The kind landowner has let them and has been picking up the rubbish they leave on her land

If you want to play football maybe find a park

FinallyHere · 10/03/2023 08:49

Mamamia7962 · 09/03/2023 16:21

Well she could have said at the time that she owned the field but she didn't. I would just keep quiet. Maybe she was thinking of putting the sheep on there anyway and you have given her the perfect 'excuse'. I wouldn't worry about it.

Oh and well done for confronting her about cleaning up after her dogs.

From the OP

She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field.

Jellifulfruit · 10/03/2023 08:49

Casilero · 10/03/2023 08:00

Why are you congratulating the OP? The kids have lost their football play area thanks to an over zealous busybody berating the actual owner of the field!

OP I would apologise because it's the right thing to do, but unfortunately, I don't think you're getting the field back. You need to learn from this and don't steam in next time you feel the need to tell someone off.

Show quote history

But I’m so confused, why do you think kids playing on a dog shit field is the better alternative? Sorry there’s no excuse for letting your dog shit everywhere, regardless of age

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 08:49

2bazookas - But she doesn't pick it up straight away, and then she's quite happy for children to play there.

Showersugar · 10/03/2023 08:50

I think you're getting a hard time here OP, you were trying to be civic minded by telling her to pick up the poo - yes you overstepped the mark by blocking her way and making her feel intimidated but the intention was a positive one and you do sound regretful. You need to find a way to apologise to her, sincerely and authentically - not just to get access to the field reopened but for your community relations.

BigglyBee · 10/03/2023 08:51

I am assuming this in England because what she has done (electric fence, blocking access) is illegal in Scotland.

You think that farmers in Scotland can't use electric fences? Really?

callthataspade · 10/03/2023 08:52

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 08:49

2bazookas - But she doesn't pick it up straight away, and then she's quite happy for children to play there.

Who says she's happy?

I wouldn't be if kids trashed my field and left rubbish on it

Clearly her putting up a fence shows she's not happy.

HikingforScenery · 10/03/2023 08:52

Is your closest field/park very far away?

Maireas · 10/03/2023 08:52

HikingforScenery · 10/03/2023 08:47

The person in this scenario told OP she owns it

Show quote history

I know she owns it.
I read the OP.
I'm responding to the somewhat strange claims that all farmers are entitled landowners.....

Jamiesgran · 10/03/2023 08:53

D20 · 09/03/2023 16:29

Oops OP. I doubt she’s going to take the fence down now but I probably would have done the same as you.

What does the field need a rest from though before the sheep go in?

It’ll be to let the grass come through. Slow growing this time of the year. If she outs sheep on now it’ll be bare soil within a week.

chocciechocface · 10/03/2023 08:53

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 17:15

I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???

I know the farmhouse now and take her a bottle of wine and some flowers and see if I can smooth things over.

theres no where else within walking distance the kids can play football, it’s all woods, or fields of cow or sheep or ploughed so we really need to get it back. I never thought I’d miss the suburbs with a good rec!!

I don't think I'd appreciate that if I was her. She is grieving and wants a quiet hassle free life. I can understand how your behaviour would have freaked her out. And I think going to her house to try force her to reverse her decision for your convenience is also intimidating. Even if you have wine.

If you are genuinely sorry for your behaviour, by all means apologise for it. I am inferring though that you are not, that you think what you did was righteous. So she is likely to feel manipulated and threatened again if you rock up.

But you need to accept the field is gone and respectfully leave her alone from now on.

silverbubbles · 10/03/2023 08:54

oh dear - you have really shot yourself in the foot here haven't you!!

Your kids are playing football on private property and you demand the owner of the private field pick up her owns dogs shit in her own field?

Quite frankly you should be on dog shit picking up duty....

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