Friend inviting their friend to our rare meet up - AIBU to be upset about being multitasked?

[bluesofacushion]

I just had a new baby, my 2 friends who live nearby have older children and asked to meet up with me and new baby and it's so rare this happens and I really love these friends. I was really looking forward to it. Date in the diary for about 6 week.

A few days ago I get a message saying can we meet near them (fine but I'm a bit freaked out about the driving/parking) and they've invited another friend - I know this lady, she's really nice but not my friend, I don't see her socially etc. this additional friends wants to come to have baby cuddles apparently. Well for a start he's not a doll so I feel irked about that.

I also feel upset that they don't seem to really want to see us and it's more a case of social multitasking. I feel quite tearful and overwhelmed and I just want to see my friends and catch up.

I'm thinking of making an excuse and leaving them to their meet up and try to arrange another day.

AIBU?

Thank you @Arrocahar23

Coming from the person who says this?

If they tell the straggler the real reason, who cares? Duh

😂

It was rude to invite this straggler along without so much as a second thought.

What an unpleasant comment.

She isn’t a straggler though, she is a friend of 2 of the 3 attendees, and wanted there by the majority of the group.

Is your middle name doormat?

Also if F1 had said originally "me and F2 and F3 are doing X do you want to come?" I know I would have said "thank you so much for the invite but I'm not up to it this time, can we get together just us though?"
Rightly or wrongly.

So I know it was the right call.

Ha ha doormat because I wouldn't sit at home sobbing because someone else was joining us for coffee and lamenting I was being multitasked? Nope, I am quite an inclusive person. I would cancel a meeting I had planned with good friends for 6 weeks because another lady was going to join us.

Sure that's nuts.

I think all of these responses that suggest you should do anything other that go along with the plan will come off as petty. The more the merrier (unless you really didn’t like the third person). I do think they should have offered to come to you but it’s really hard to remember how overwhelming things are at the beginning, even if reminded I tend to look back with rose tinted spectacles.

*wouldn't

Can you let us have the guidelines for the big things your model family (smug or what) permit others to get upset about. I doubt you know, the smug probably repels any one without rhino hide .

Can you let us have the guidelines for the big things your model family (smug or what) permit others to get upset about. I doubt you know, the smug probably repels any one without rhino hide

None of that makes sense, a little too try hard at being clever. Doesn't work.

They may very well tell her real reason. She is their friend, after all.

But why should the OP care. The woman isn't her friend. If they want to risk hurting their own friend, that's on them.

I agree, this is a bitchfest.

I honestly don’t know what Jomo is, I’ve only heard if fomo. But I genuinely wish you the best of luck and hope it works out for you and they have not taken offence on their friends behalf. Good luck op

Seriously, you think someone’s a door mat if they permit their friends,friend to join a catch up,

no wonder there are so many lonely friendless people.

Am I smug? Nope. Just genuinely perplexed that this is something so many people would be upset over. Who knew!

Anyway, I just can’t ever imagine sitting at home crying because my friends invited another person along to a meet up.

Who has the time and energy for such self indulgence?

Who knew that some people are different to others.

Imagine believing that everyone feels exactly the same as you do about everything....

I don’t.

But really, this is a non issue.

Maybe not to the OP and to you, but there are lots of people who have a much more relaxed attitude to life, and wouldn’t want to be put in situations like this with people monopolising and placing demands on their time.

Me too, I can’t imagine cancelling on my friends and sitting home alone crying because they invited someone I think it’s nice along too. But there is people who feel this way,

an then we get the school mum threads where it’s seen as a heinous clique if you don’t invite everyone to everything.

I honestly see so many signs of anxiety/depression in your answers. I feel like the words are exactly how I spoke/felt after both mine were born which ended up being the start of my anxiety but I didn’t realise it at the time. Anxiety is a lot more than just worrying. A lot of mine in the early days reared it’s ugly head in me second guessing what my friends thought about me based on things they said or did. The way your saying “it’s fine”, “they have so many more convienient options now”, like your trying to kid yourself you don’t care when you really do. The worst thing you can do is create your own narrative as to the reasons they invited her or how they are feeling about you cancelling. They may have text okay because they don’t know what else to say and don’t want to pressure you but feel gutted they won’t be seeing you.
Please just be honest with them. If they are good friends your honestly will then sort out the issues and you can move on. If they really don’t care like you believe then at least you know and you can move on as you don’t need people like that in your life. The only real way of knowing is to be open with them.

I honestly think you’ll look back on this in a year and cringe really hard. The poor other woman is going to feel really shit (she’ll work it out, let’s be honest) and it was sour your friendships.

You’re amazing. Lol

No they don't! They'll just say "oh, Blues canceled.."

Whereas they put the OP in the position of either asking for Number Four to be uninvited, sucking it up, or just bowing out because it wasn't the outing she agreed to.

When one of the organizers totally changes the nature of the gathering, it is perfectly fine to withdraw, which the OP has done. I don't blame her.

The sitting at home crying motif is hilarious. I doubt the OP will be doing that. Of course you may do it yourselves so I suppose that’s why you imagine everyone “sitting at home crying”. 🙄

I'm totally with you OP, and would have felt and reacted in the same way.

This is, quite frankly, bullshit. Why are you being so caustic toward the OP?

I don’t sit at home crying, nor do I imagine everyone sitting at home crying. The OP literally said:

I've just cancelled in hopefully a polite way and had a little cry. I just feel hurt and multitasked tbh.