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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend inviting their friend to our rare meet up - AIBU to be upset about being multitasked?

536 replies

bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 09:36

I just had a new baby, my 2 friends who live nearby have older children and asked to meet up with me and new baby and it's so rare this happens and I really love these friends. I was really looking forward to it. Date in the diary for about 6 week.

A few days ago I get a message saying can we meet near them (fine but I'm a bit freaked out about the driving/parking) and they've invited another friend - I know this lady, she's really nice but not my friend, I don't see her socially etc. this additional friends wants to come to have baby cuddles apparently. Well for a start he's not a doll so I feel irked about that.

I also feel upset that they don't seem to really want to see us and it's more a case of social multitasking. I feel quite tearful and overwhelmed and I just want to see my friends and catch up.

I'm thinking of making an excuse and leaving them to their meet up and try to arrange another day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Picklewicklepickle · 09/03/2023 20:15

Ah I get it OP I would feel exactly the same.

I think people forget it is a bit daunting going out with a newborn and that you’d maybe like to share personal details with friends that you can’t with an acquaintance, especially if you’re feeling a bit vulnerable.

However, I think it’s more a case of massive thoughtlessness on their part rather than deprioritising you and experience has taught me that you probably would have enjoyed it, even if it’s not the meet up with friends you wanted.

I hope they come to see you soon so you can have a proper catch up.

burnoutbabe · 09/03/2023 20:16

But it's gone from 2 friends coming to visit a new mum in her home or very local to her.

Nice and easy for op to attend.

Now it's somewhere involving driving /parking /a car seat just to sit in a cafe as 3 closer friends chat about what they been up to together.

I'd have not wanted to go either.

Anklespraying · 09/03/2023 20:16

You can feel disappointed that your "exclusive" girl group was going to turn into 4 but you go along with it for the sake of the other women. You don't throw a hissy fit and jeopardise your relationship with your friends by refusing to go because another girl is joining you for coffee. How petulant is that?

Is there a point to your ridiculous over dramatisation? Are you always like this? You must be exhausting.

Auliza · 09/03/2023 20:16

Poor you. That’s really bad on your friends part and I would have done the same.

How old is your baby? Would this have been the first time meeting? X

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:16

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 09/03/2023 20:12

But why make it exclusive. The woman is perfectly nice. We’d not accept our kids or colleagues behaving like this. So why accept it from an adult?

Show quote history

Why the hell not make it exclusive? That’s what was arranged initially. Anyway what’s it got to do with your “kids”?
🙄

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:17

It was rude to invite this straggler along without so much as a second thought.

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 09/03/2023 20:19

Anklespraying · 09/03/2023 20:14

But why make it exclusive. The woman is perfectly nice. We’d not accept our kids or colleagues behaving like this. So why accept it from an adult?

You can't be serious? Do you force everyone around you to always do what other people want and never what they want?

What is the purpose of that?

Are you able to explain?

Wtf, really? 😂

no one is being forced to do anything, the op is perfectly entitled to decide that she won’t attend her meet up with mates if a perfectly nice other woman attends too. No one is forcing anything . If she has decided , as she has, she won’t meet her friends if a perfectly lovely other person attends, then she’s free to do so. Her right. She’s done it as well.

what she can’t do is dictate that no one else can attend her meet ups and whinge as she’s lonely and friendless as they’ve dumped her ass

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:19

Anklespraying · 09/03/2023 20:16

You can feel disappointed that your "exclusive" girl group was going to turn into 4 but you go along with it for the sake of the other women. You don't throw a hissy fit and jeopardise your relationship with your friends by refusing to go because another girl is joining you for coffee. How petulant is that?

Is there a point to your ridiculous over dramatisation? Are you always like this? You must be exhausting.

God, she sounds it.

Thisisformathilda · 09/03/2023 20:19

Anklespraying · 09/03/2023 20:14

But why make it exclusive. The woman is perfectly nice. We’d not accept our kids or colleagues behaving like this. So why accept it from an adult?

You can't be serious? Do you force everyone around you to always do what other people want and never what they want?

What is the purpose of that?

Are you able to explain?

It's a COFFEE! it's not sharing a bed at a weekend away with some randomer!
Suck it up ffs. Things will never be the same with those women again now after that message that was sent and when OP is sitting at home tomorrow crying into her cornflakes the 3 ladies will be out having fun.

Only one loser there.

Youfeelme · 09/03/2023 20:19

What happens at the next meet up when Sally comes along again because you've not told them the real reason? Or did you tell them why you didn't want to meet? Have you told them at any point that you only ever want it to exclusively be you 3?

freshprincessofbatshit · 09/03/2023 20:20

But why make it exclusive. The woman is perfectly nice. We'd not accept our kids or colleagues behaving like this. So why accept it from an adult?

Err for similar reasons I don't invite my perfectly lovely and nice neighbours to join us every time I meet up with my best mates probably?! And if I did, it wouldn't ever be when I haven't seen them in ages

This thread is insane now. OP made her call on it hours ago 😂

Original poster
bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 20:20

Picklewicklepickle · 09/03/2023 20:15

Ah I get it OP I would feel exactly the same.

I think people forget it is a bit daunting going out with a newborn and that you’d maybe like to share personal details with friends that you can’t with an acquaintance, especially if you’re feeling a bit vulnerable.

However, I think it’s more a case of massive thoughtlessness on their part rather than deprioritising you and experience has taught me that you probably would have enjoyed it, even if it’s not the meet up with friends you wanted.

I hope they come to see you soon so you can have a proper catch up.

Thank you.

I'm going to rearrange and catch up properly. They can have their meet up, I think they'll have a nice time. I would have struggled in that group to be in the conservation and I wouldn't have found it fun. I'm just going to forget it and make new plans.

OP posts:
FingerPuppet · 09/03/2023 20:20

I can’t believe the number of people who would be bothered by this.

I just can’t see how your friends inviting person X along is an issue.

I didn’t realise how much of a relaxed approach to life my friends, family and I until I read the responses on this thread. There are really bigger things to get upset about.

I can’t imagine monopolising someone in this way, and I certainly wouldn’t like it done to me.

God forbid they tell her the real reason eh?

They may very well tell her real reason. She is their friend, after all.

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 09/03/2023 20:20

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:16

Why the hell not make it exclusive? That’s what was arranged initially. Anyway what’s it got to do with your “kids”?
🙄

Show quote history

Honestly, for me, I’m welcome to perfectly nice people and would not exclude someone when it’s a three to a four general catch up .

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:20

Some of the keyboard biddies are just loving a ruck. Pathetic. So much for supporting new mothers.

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:21

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 09/03/2023 20:20

Honestly, for me, I’m welcome to perfectly nice people and would not exclude someone when it’s a three to a four general catch up .

Show quote history

It’s not about you, though, is it?

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:22

If they tell the straggler the real reason, who cares? Duh.

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:23

bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 20:20

Thank you.

I'm going to rearrange and catch up properly. They can have their meet up, I think they'll have a nice time. I would have struggled in that group to be in the conservation and I wouldn't have found it fun. I'm just going to forget it and make new plans.

Show quote history

Good decision.

Thisisformathilda · 09/03/2023 20:23

bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 20:20

Thank you.

I'm going to rearrange and catch up properly. They can have their meet up, I think they'll have a nice time. I would have struggled in that group to be in the conservation and I wouldn't have found it fun. I'm just going to forget it and make new plans.

Show quote history

Good luck with that, if your friend's answer to your tantrum earlier is anything to go by, I would not be hopeful.

Original poster
bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 20:24

"Only one loser there"

Nah it's called JOMO. I'll be just fine. I will
have nice meet up with them when I feel more up to a bigger group or they can meet individually.

OP posts:
Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:25

Thisisformathilda · 09/03/2023 20:19

It's a COFFEE! it's not sharing a bed at a weekend away with some randomer!
Suck it up ffs. Things will never be the same with those women again now after that message that was sent and when OP is sitting at home tomorrow crying into her cornflakes the 3 ladies will be out having fun.

Only one loser there.

Show quote history

Are you spitting feathers about something you are not involved in? You must be bored…

Thisisformathilda · 09/03/2023 20:25

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:22

If they tell the straggler the real reason, who cares? Duh.

Wow.

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:25

bluesofacushion · 09/03/2023 20:24

"Only one loser there"

Nah it's called JOMO. I'll be just fine. I will
have nice meet up with them when I feel more up to a bigger group or they can meet individually.

👍🏻

Anklespraying · 09/03/2023 20:25

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 09/03/2023 20:19

Wtf, really? 😂

no one is being forced to do anything, the op is perfectly entitled to decide that she won’t attend her meet up with mates if a perfectly nice other woman attends too. No one is forcing anything . If she has decided , as she has, she won’t meet her friends if a perfectly lovely other person attends, then she’s free to do so. Her right. She’s done it as well.

what she can’t do is dictate that no one else can attend her meet ups and whinge as she’s lonely and friendless as they’ve dumped her ass

Show quote history

So you have backed down in the not accepting kids and colleagues do it and switched to snidey insults?

Arrocahar23 · 09/03/2023 20:26

What a nasty bitch fest. Ugh.

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