Friend inviting their friend to our rare meet up - AIBU to be upset about being multitasked?

[bluesofacushion]

I just had a new baby, my 2 friends who live nearby have older children and asked to meet up with me and new baby and it's so rare this happens and I really love these friends. I was really looking forward to it. Date in the diary for about 6 week.

A few days ago I get a message saying can we meet near them (fine but I'm a bit freaked out about the driving/parking) and they've invited another friend - I know this lady, she's really nice but not my friend, I don't see her socially etc. this additional friends wants to come to have baby cuddles apparently. Well for a start he's not a doll so I feel irked about that.

I also feel upset that they don't seem to really want to see us and it's more a case of social multitasking. I feel quite tearful and overwhelmed and I just want to see my friends and catch up.

I'm thinking of making an excuse and leaving them to their meet up and try to arrange another day.

AIBU?

OP have you ever in your entire life been invited out by a friend/family member that put you in a situation when you only really had the friendship with the one who invited you?

A drama queen and obtuse.

I’ll try again. You chose not to tell them you were upset and would prefer to stick to the original plan. You cannot expect them to be mindreaders and know you were upset, if you don’t tell them.

They don't need to be mind readers to know that it's extremely bad manners to change the nature of the gathering without getting the buy-in of the original members. Adding that woman to the chat without clearing it with the OP, not to mention changing the location, both were very rude.

All of the people here telling her to just suck it up: is that how you conduct your social lives?

I've never invited one of my friends to meet another friends baby no...

Horses for courses. In my circle of friends we’re fine with this - the more the merrier! And if not, we say something,

I've never invited one of my friends to meet another friends baby no

They didn't invite her out to meet your baby ha ha ha! They asked her would she like to meet up with a few woman for a nice morning and chats...one of which has a baby.

You answered a totally different question to what I asked.

I undersyand, it completely changs the dynamic when people do this. You might want to have talked with your friends about confidential things which you can't do when somebody you don't know very well is invited.

Could you explain that to them in a text? Good friends will understand.

It's true.

I just want to say it's a bit shit to turn it into a group thing when we've had this day scheduled for ages and they see each other all the time.

I'm just trying to be polite to not upset anyone

Even if they had have asked I don't know how I'd say no to the other person being invited to without me making anyone feel bad

I can see where you're coming from. They are being a bit unfair not coming to you when you're the one with a new baby. That would upset me more than inviting the other friend to be honest. If i were you I would probably say you're not comfortable with the drive yet and could you arrange another time for just the 3 of you at your house x

I wanted to go in to the birth details with my friends but my best mate brought along her friend... Similar situation to yours.... For the first meet post birth and I felt like I had to gloss over all the nitty gritty bits I would have otherwise told her if we were alone. So for that reason... I don't think you are being unreasonable.

@bluesofacushion you would simply say I just wanted meet meet the two of you this time round if thats OK? How far away are they? Surely should be simple to refix? Although if its only rarely you meet up I just wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Apparently it's not a simple refix. Oh well

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable, OP. The meet-up you were looking forward to has changed and although you are the one with the young baby, your friends have made it more difficult for you to travel. I’d feel pretty miffed too.

If you want to back out and arrange another meeting closer to you for another time, I think you should suggest that.

@bluesofacushion how far away are they and why isn't it a simple refix?

This.
Just be up front and honest.

To be honest I find the way you keep saying "She's not my friend" a bit childish.
What qualifies someone as a "friend". All friendships have to start somewhere. Even your best friends, weren't your friends until they were.

Some people have a knack of making others miserable on threads like this.

So where would that leave the new friend?

They'd have had to actually exclude her which I doubt they'd have done, so the OP has extracted herself.

I would take care about writing people off …. You never know when you may meet them again schools/clubs etc even moving area.
Stating “baby cuddles” to me seems friendly, that they don’t mind spending time with a newborn and everything that brings …. A nice statement. As they are clearly a parent themself they know the difference between a newborn and a doll and will have zero interest in treating your baby inappropriately. Having a newborn is so difficult, maybe look for some support rather than perhaps being seen as behaving in a way that will affect friendships in the future.

I think op, you are at risk of losing this friendship. I don’t think she values you in the same vein as you do her.
I wonder when you look back on your messages who instigated contact?

I don’t think there is much you can do, you either let it drift or accept it for what it is and do most of the running.

Oh FFS.

If the OP just wants to meet up with Sue and Barbara and isn't that fond of Jane, she is free to want just that.
And if Sue and Barbara decide to invite Jane then the OP is free to decline. Which is what she's done.

Well that's it @Nanny0gg I feel bad for the 4th friend in this and don't want anyone to feel slightly so better to back away.

Sounds a bit of a awkward situation, but also like you have over reacted (likely hormones).
Do you have other friends or is it particularly hurtful because you don't have much social interaction?
It can be lonely in the newborn days, but I think you are getting this a little out of perspective - and also they may not understand you are perhaps feeling a little emotional

Even your best friends, weren't your friends until they were.

And with other people, it never happens.