To wonder if I'm at fault?

[prettyraindrops]

DH has had several speeding fines. His last one came through in November, but the letter got put away and he didn't see it.
So now as he's only just responded there is a threat of court and a £1k fine.
He's taking it out on me saying I should say sorry as it was me who put the letter in the cupboard apparently.. I don't remember but if it was it must've been on the side ages and I thought I was junk Mail.

He's says I've "really fucked him over" and I "owe him an apology" and I'm not taking responsibility for me actions?

AIBU to think it's not right wanting me to apologise and take what feels like half the blame for something I may or may not have done? We weren't even living together full time in November as we had separated for a while!

If the shoe was on the other foot you’d be absolutely fucking livid with me, calling me all names under the sun and god knows what else. No accountability and not even a fucking apology! Sums us up really! She who can do no wrong

Was a text I got today

Did he know it was there? I presume he opened it, if so it's absolutely his fault and he's taking it out on you, unfairly!

It's him that should be apologising.

Tell him to fuck off and don’t come back

i mean unless after years of a blissful marriage he’s suddenly had a personality transplant over this issue?

I don't think it was opened. I don't recall seeing a letter and I don't understand why I would just shove a letter straight in the cupboard unless it was on the side for days on end. I mean I can say sorry but it would be for something I don't even remember doing and certainly didn't do with any malice whatsoever.

Time to separate again. What a horrible person. You have one life. Please don’t waste it on this horrible. The way he speaks to you is not love.

No it’s not your fault. He is just as responsible for post as you

and end game he is the one who chose to break the law knowing there could be consequences

The comments are awful and why are you with someone’s who speaks to you like this? If you separated once I would be doing it again

"Who was driving is irrelevant. I was driving, I accept it. That’s not the argument though, if you’d have given me the letter when it arrived I’d have accepted it at the time.

No one else puts letters in that cupboard but you! Unless (the dogs) done it?"

I'd be telling him to get back in his car and speed off into the distance personally

Separate, he's horrible. Maybe he should stop speeding if he's already had several! Honestly he just needs to take responsibility for something that is his own fault and the consequence of his own actions

Was it you who put the letter away? What exactly happened?

If it came through the letter box while your DH was out and you put it away without him seeing it, yes, I do think you are somewhat at fault and should apologise.

If your DH left it lying around without opening it, and you then put it away somewhere, then that's more on him, as he should have looked at it when it came.

Obviously, as well, you say he was speeding and this is by no means the first time, so he is at fault there - one mistake of that kind might be understandable but if it keeps happening, it shows carelessness and arrogance.

The last message was another text I got. As I said why am I saying sorry, I wasn't driving and I don't even remember putting anything in the cupboard. I then said I won't be replying until he calms down. I just got called a "fucking joke"

Yeah no either way he's horrible. Even if you did put it into the cupboard he's still being ridiculous calling you names when there isn't even proof you did anything wrong.

Is your husband unpleasant in other ways OP?

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss there's no way I would've put a letter straight in the cupboard from it coming through the letter box. IF I have it will have been cos it had been lying round for days, or maybe hidden behind a pile of other things which I then scooped up.
I certainly didn't think "oh this looks like a fine, let me hide it so he has to go to court" 🤦🏼‍♀️

Wow. Maybe it’s time walk away from this horrible person who (a) can’t work out how to drive at the correct speed (b) is too dumb to spot speed cameras (c) is too lazy to open his own mail and (d) thinks it’s fine to swear at his wife?

His fault then.

Right but you’ve been told my multiple posters YANBU your husband is

no need to keep going round it circles

Something I would point out to him is that if he wasn’t frequently speeding, there wouldn’t have been a letter to worry about in the first place. I also assume he could have easily been the one who moved the letter.
Either way, it’s on him. He was the one speeding in the first place.

He sounds horrible, OP. Why are you with him?

That said, I do think it's a bit odd to put an unopened letter in a cupboard. Wouldn't you either open it first or give it to the person it was addressed to? Is he right that you're the only person who puts stuff in that cupboard?

A pp was absolutely right in saying that he is as responsible for the post as you are, but if you cleared an unopened letter away out of sight before he had actually read it, I do think that you're partly to blame for him having missed it.

I wouldn't expect my DH to "hide" post that I hadn't opened. If it was lying around for ages, I'd expect him to either ask me to deal with it or just leave it there.

This 👆

I would never have purposely put an unopened letter in the cupboard. I am sorry, and I suppose I'm the only one who does put stuff in the cupboard as I'm the only one who does any form of tidying or decluttering.. the house was like a bomb site when myself and the kids left. I just feel like the way he's talking to me was as though it's something I did on purpose.

Good God , he's fishing for you to pay it
Tell him to go fuck himself and be responsible for his actions
Wanker

Received in November? And since November there has been no reminder, he's just received a court summons this week?

OR have there been several unopened letters?

So he's the one who puts stuff in the cupboard but that's your fault and he's the one who drives too fast - is that your fault too? Tell him to stop whinging and slow down. What an arse

Regardless of who is to blame for this, he sounds like a horrible prick. Maybe your separation should have been permanent.

How many times has he been prosecuted for speeding?