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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

796 replies

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 17:10

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 18:21

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 18:19

What do you actually do on Mothers Day that necessitates spending every waking hour with your children, and precludes seeing any other member of the extended family, even their other granny?
You know Hallmark made it up, don't you? It was originally a custom whereby you visited your mother (parish) church.

This might be a relevant question if it was supported by actual statements from the OP.

But as OP's actual words totally contradict what you've said, don't you think it's pretty irrelevant?

(Hallmark didn't make up Mother's Day, by the by. You're thinking of Father's Day.)

CarrieSmisher · 08/03/2023 18:22

I hate Mother's Day. The guilt trip to my mothers is a waste of my Sunday and I do everything I can to avoid it. Inter flora and some well timed covid for me.

lazycats · 08/03/2023 18:22

rwalker · 08/03/2023 18:21

Jesus is the commercialised non event worth the stress

Definitely not.

crispsandnuts · 08/03/2023 18:22

It sounds all very stressful for one day

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/03/2023 18:22

How old are the kids OP and are they likely to give a shit whether they spend the day with you and your mum, or their dad and his mum?

I'd let the kids decide (if they're old enough to).

And yes I know it's mother's day etc but you (presumably) see your kids every day.

QuackMooBaaOink · 08/03/2023 18:22

I really don't get the issue or all the MIL with a chip on their shoulder in this thread.
MOTHER'S day - so a day to celebrate mothers.
OP - mother - wants to see her own mother, and be with her children because she is their mother.
OP's partner- wants to see his mother because she is a mother. Fine.
Both of those things can happen and no-one needs to get their knickers in a twist.
It isnt fathers day so Op partner wanting to be with his kids is not relevant. It isn't grandmothers day either so MIL wanting to see grandchildren also not relevant.

It is one day a year. Some responses on this thread are insane.
It is a total non-issue. Everyone spends time with their own mum, problem solved, which is EXACTLY what OP is suggesting.

OhmygodDont · 08/03/2023 18:22

Get the feeling it’s all mums of only boys panicking and ignoring the fact the son is still going to visit and the op and children later on.

Mil gets lunch one on one with her child. Then gets to see the grandchildren later.

But apparently that’s not good enough. 🙃

The ops mum shouldn’t get lunch with her child and the op shouldn’t get lunch with her own children. Go figure.

dapsnotplimsolls · 08/03/2023 18:23

Jaysus, so many bizarre posts! I assume she is nagging him and conveniently forgetting that she's been elsewhere for the last 2 years.

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 18:23

lazycats · 08/03/2023 18:21

No, it is circular logic.

Yes, right, what a compelling argument. I'm totally convinced that you know what that means now.

crispsandnuts · 08/03/2023 18:23

rwalker · 08/03/2023 18:21

Jesus is the commercialised non event worth the stress

Exactly, Father's Day will be the next dilemma...

FrostyFifi · 08/03/2023 18:23

YABU for picking your mum over his mum every Mother’s Day if that is indeed the plan going forward. It’s fair enough she wants to see GC too

Why? It's not grandmother's day, and OP is presumably picking her mum over his mum as his mum didn't give birth to her (at least I hope not, that would be a whole other thread).

The way OP wants to do it, everyone gets to spend lunch with the person who birthed them. It's all very fair.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2023 18:23

wordler · 08/03/2023 18:19

READ THE OP's REPLIES - they ARE seeing the MIL on Mother's Day - just after she has had lunch with her own mother!!!!

I have read the replies. I have seen that she is happy for her partner to take the kids to see his mum. I haven't seen where she has said that she is willing to spend any time for MIL herself.

Fair enough. Maybe MIL is a bitch and the OP doesn't give a toss about her. It just isn't how families that I'm familiar with work.

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 18:24

He does not get to see his children celebrating their love FOR THEIR MOTHER on mother's day AND ALSO see his own mother and celebrate his love for HIS MOTHER on mother's day
Is this a joke post? 😂
Are all tantrums magically put on hold when toddlers get wind of this magical occasion called Mother's Day? Does any child really spend the day "celebrating their love for their mother?"
Really 🤦‍♀️

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 08/03/2023 18:24

LucyLeave · 08/03/2023 17:20

Do MILs stop being mothers when they become MiLs?

MIL’s child is going to spend the day with her. Stop being so dramatic

Penguinsaregreat · 08/03/2023 18:24

My twopennarth.
op spends the day doing what she chooses because it’s Mother’s Day.
so op see her mother and takes her children.
Her dh sees his mother.
On Father’s Day the ops dh can do as he chooses because it’s Father’s Day!
So if the op wants to see her father she can. Her dh can spend it with his children.
Sorted.

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 18:24

crispsandnuts · 08/03/2023 18:23

Exactly, Father's Day will be the next dilemma...

Well it won't be, as I've already covered several times, his father is dead

OP posts:
lazycats · 08/03/2023 18:24

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 18:23

Yes, right, what a compelling argument. I'm totally convinced that you know what that means now.

Glad we’re in agreement 🙂

Blueberrywitch · 08/03/2023 18:25

People in this thread don’t have very good reading comprehension

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 08/03/2023 18:25

So let me get this right.

It’s Mother’s Day. Each mother is getting to spend time with their OWN children and there’s an issue?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2023 18:25

OhmygodDont · 08/03/2023 18:22

Get the feeling it’s all mums of only boys panicking and ignoring the fact the son is still going to visit and the op and children later on.

Mil gets lunch one on one with her child. Then gets to see the grandchildren later.

But apparently that’s not good enough. 🙃

The ops mum shouldn’t get lunch with her child and the op shouldn’t get lunch with her own children. Go figure.

Nope, I'm the mum of a girl only. I just always saw my MIL as family. She's dead now in any case.

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 18:26

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2023 18:23

I have read the replies. I have seen that she is happy for her partner to take the kids to see his mum. I haven't seen where she has said that she is willing to spend any time for MIL herself.

Fair enough. Maybe MIL is a bitch and the OP doesn't give a toss about her. It just isn't how families that I'm familiar with work.

I have no words.....so now it is about me and MIL not spending time together?

OP posts:
venusandmars · 08/03/2023 18:26

I'm a Mum and a grandmum. My dd is a Mum and on mother's day I want her to be happy. That means her spending the day with her dc and her dh - as a family, so dh can help dc celebrate mothers day and treat her. I feel it's more important for them to all be together, after all he's the one who made her a mother.

I get a card and a phone call. That's enough. I had all those previous years when dc were younger to be indulged on mothers day.

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 18:27

Blueberrywitch · 08/03/2023 18:25

People in this thread don’t have very good reading comprehension

Yeah but it's like, SUPER ANNOYING if you read the OP's posts and then there's, like, something in there that means you can't do your whole self-righteous rant or compose your dramatic work of fiction about lonely mothers in law drinking alone on Christmas Day. So it's soooooo much better to avoid reading the OP's posts because otherwise you might have to re-examine your gut reaction and that doesn't give you anywhere near the dopamine hit of having your self righteous rant, right?

Lotsofthingstoconsider · 08/03/2023 18:28

Just all be together.. both mums.. problem solved.

PSNonsense · 08/03/2023 18:28

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 08/03/2023 18:25

So let me get this right.

It’s Mother’s Day. Each mother is getting to spend time with their OWN children and there’s an issue?

Correct. Some posters are having trouble with this. Circular logic apparently.

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