To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Which is why her son - you know, the one she's actually a mother to - should spend the day with her. Provided always you're invested in Flower Seller's Day as a concept.

Oh dear, this thread has reached the caps lock stage…

If you’re saying he can take the children to see his mum after the meal, why can’t you do that with your mum. Go for lunch with MIL then visit your mum afterwards. Seems only fair as you’ve been with your mum for the past two years

Erm yes....because she is my mother?? I have made the decision to see her? So the children naturally end up with me because, again, it is Mothers day?

Not Father and MIL day?

Because it’s about children being with their mothers. It’s Mother’s Day.

Im baffled at some people not getting this. 😅

Yes, that's probably true of me too. I regard DH's family as my family, and he regards my family as his, so we would both make compromises to try and make everyone feel valued.

I'm not very precious about mother's day though, and don't expect to spend every waking minute of it doing exactly what I want to do without regard for anyone else. For me, it's a day that is about honouring family, and that includes my DH's mum as well as mine (and me!).

Because she is my mum, and I am their mum and it is Mother's day

This is circular logic. Do you just not like the MIL?

Fml as anybody actually read what the poster wrote? 😂 🤦🏼‍♀️ husband CAN have lunch with HIS mother!.

Poster is willing to go to mil after lunch with HER OWN mother who it is also mother's day for!
Mother wants to spend day with her own children (selfish f### 🤣). Why is it selfish to want to spend time with your own children? Why does grandmother trump mother? Mumsnet the gift that keeps on giving 🤯.
op yanbu

Lol we get on but she isn't my mother - she is my partners, so quite rightly he is prioritizing having lunch with her over coming with me to see mine and vice versa.

Only difference being I am not making him feel guilty about this

She hasn't said her MIL can't see them, she's even suggested her partner take the children to see her after lunch.

But she did raise her son. And every few years he’s entitled to say “I’d like them to spend the day with my mum.”

@lazycats the caps are coming out for nonsense like this. Yes children, even though it's Mother's Day, and you have one, you have to spend this year with my mum. Okay then.

Because every comment like this sets the women's rights movement back a good 100 years, don't you know you should be in the corner hanging your head in shame?!

I do love how out of context it has become, International Women's Day being brought into it and all sorts. 😂

READ THE OP's REPLIES - they ARE seeing the MIL on Mother's Day - just after she has had lunch with her own mother!!!!

Do you have a DS OP? If so, one day you will be MIL, how would you feel if DIL only wanted to spend the day with her children & mum?

Some people are absolutely mental on MN. You aren't being unreasonable so ignore the deliberately dense posters.

What do you actually do on Mothers Day that necessitates spending every waking hour with your children, and precludes seeing any other member of the extended family, even their other granny?
You know Hallmark made it up, don't you? It was originally a custom whereby you visited your mother (parish) church.

He does not get to see his children celebrating their love FOR THEIR MOTHER on mother's day AND ALSO see his own mother and celebrate his love for HIS MOTHER on mother's day.

I think this is seriously reaching. Him witnessing that is really not the focus.

Not circular logic at all to set out the thesis statement that 'people should get to spend Mother's Day with their own mothers' and then demonstrate how it would work in practice.

And she's already said she gets on well with the MIL, is happy to see her later in the day with the kids, etc etc. She just wants to have lunch with her own mum on Mother's Day, and have her kids have lunch with their mother on Mother's Day.

Well I'd honestly be a bit confused if she wanted to spend it with me over her own mother if they had a close and decent relationship but to each their own

@MangoPi your plan makes perfect sense to me and I have two boys.

Now, what is everybody doing for Easter?

Ahh I have already stated partner should definitely take the kids to see his mum after the respective meals

I must have missed the post where she said that. I saw something where she said that MIL will "likely" see the grandchildren later, but I still can't find where she said that she would take them. It sounded like she might "let" her partner take them.... which seems odd to me if she wants to be with her kids on mother's day as she says. But perhaps I have missed something or misunderstood.

If they all go over to MIL's later in the day, then I don't see that it's much of an issue where they have lunch.

No, it is circular logic.

Jesus is the commercialised non event worth the stress