To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

I don’t know if your children are boys or girls, but if you have boys will you be happy with never seeing your grandchildren on Mother’s Day?

Stick to your guns, OP.
You have been perfectly reasonable

But the thing is, I am a mum too, in the same way MIL wants to see her children, I would like to spend it with mine. Same as my own mother wants to see her children
This is a bit disingenuous, though; you spend every day with your children 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, she’s the OP’s husband’s mother, not OP’s mother or the mother of her grandchildren.

There is no obligation for OP to see her, or give up seeing one of her own children, to ‘make things fair’. She is seeing her adult child which is more than a lot of mum’s get once they have children of their own.

It makes sense if you thing that men should always get what they want , 365 days a year. A that your job as a wife is to do what he wants and what his mother wants.

Don’t you know that you are just a vessel to give birth to these children and then do what everyone else wants for the rest of your life ? #BeObedient

You do have to wonder, sometimes

an I reading a totally different thread to a lot of the posters??

plan

Morning. Op, dh and children (breakfast in bed?)

Lunch. Op, her mother and children lunch.
Dh lunch with his mother

Afternoon. Op, dh and children visit mil.

Everyone is seeing everyone op isn’t stopping her mil seeing the children on Mother’s Day. She’s having a full day of being a mother with her children and visiting both her own mother and her mother in law.

You are NOT being unreasonable. He is.

I'm not OP, but I've only got boys.

I'd be horrified with myself if I'd raised them so poorly that they expected my grandkids to prioritise me over the children's own mother on Mother's Day.

I wouldn’t split up, it’s meant to be a family day. Why not meet your mother and also meet his mother on another day soon? You shouldn’t have to be in two places at once, another date soon before or after should be fine. He could always send his mother a small gift or flowers on the actual day.
You have the deciding vote here because it’s Mother’s Day and you are a mother!

I have both, and yes I would, because I recognize that the children's actual mother take priority over me

YABU for picking your mum over his mum every Mother’s Day if that is indeed the plan going forward. It’s fair enough she wants to see GC too.

This thread is bloody wild 😂 OP of COURSE you aren't being unreasonable. Everyone gets to see their mothers on mothers day. Those who are saying "take it in turns" have clearly forgotten what MOTHERS day is. Do you all celebrate your husband on your own birthday? Buy him some presents too? Or do you all have a backbone and some common sense? 🤣

@MangoPi

I suppose I look at this from the perspective of a family who are well adjusted and all like each other.

Whereas I would be horrified if I had raised my dd to have so little regard for others that she wasn't willing to give up a little bit of time for her partner's mum on mother's day.

@JassyRadlett

OP and her DH are grown ups that shouldn't be something difficult to work out.

Toss a coin if it is.

Good lord, do grown-ups seriously care about this stuff? I'm so glad I don't do Hallmark holidays.

Mothers day is to celebrate the woman who raised you! She didn't raise her grandkids!

I say this as someone who thinks the whole day is a bit silly, but if you do take it seriously then…

But ops going in the afternoon with the children to see mil isn’t she? Just not eating lunch with her.

Weird responses to the OP! YANBU at all. He can go to his mum's, you go to yours with kids. Simple solution.

See, I don't think this is fair to the MIL really - if geography and logistics allow he should aim to make his own mum a priority on Mother's Day (and support the kids to make OP's day special because kids generally need the help.)

It's a family day in that it's about mothers - the DH has a mother and should make her his focus that day, just as OP does with hers and their kids should do with OP.

It hasn’t.

But interesting that if you happen to have a daughter you should expect to see her and your grandkids without fail. But not if you have a son.

HE CAN GO AND SEE HIS MUM!!!!

Grandparents don't have special rights to see grandchildren on Mother's Day. They didn't give birth to them. Men can go and see their mothers alone, do people realise this?

Jesus wept 😂😂

Exactly, it's not hard is it?

I've never really understood the whole "I have to spend the day with my kids" thing when the kids aren't adults and are still at home. You (generally) spend every day with them, surely splitting it between the two mums is a small sacrifice to pay? After all, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for them (yes, I'm basing this on the assumption that you actually like your mum, not directed at those who have a fraught relationship with said parent.)

But she did raise her son. And every few years he’s entitled to say “I’d like them to spend the day with my mum.”