To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

@WolfFoxHare it's Schrödinger Biggie!

😂😂😂😂

Batshit drivel is making such a dramalama about one day.

I really wouldn't bother arguing with people on here, OP. You do what YOU want to do. It's your decision, do not let your husband dictate what YOU do on Mothers Day. If he wants to see his mother he can, doesn't mean you have to!

Clearly i did he wanted to take his kid. Why wouldnt he. His mother is just as entitled as her mother to see his kids.

Clearly i did he wanted to take his kid. Why wouldnt he. His mother is just as entitled as her mother to see his kids

Because OP is also a mother and wants to see her kids, what with it being Mother's Day.

Batshit drivel is making such a dramalama about one day

Yes you're right, OP's husband is making a drama for no reason.

Oh for goodness sake! It’s Mother’s Day yes - not the end of the world if the kid goes off with his father for an hour for lunch. Do people really get wound up about this sort of thing!? You have your kids all year round. Chill out.

Its one day. I honestly think you need to give your head a wobble and think of your partners feelings too
Why can't the penis haver wobble his own head, think of his partners feelings and for this one day (MOTHER'S Day!) let OP have lunch with her mother and children guilt free?
I think you might need to examine your own sexism there.

The Mumsnet first rule of Mother’s Day - it’s not about mothers 😁
This thread has been a wild ride, OP has been remarkably sanguine in the face of so much fuckwittery.

Children's birthdays are just a day. Christmas is just a day.

Would you be happy to forego seeing your children then and sending them off to your mother in laws instead, as it's just a day? I mean, you see them every other day, would it be selfish to not pack them off?

Now, I'm not for one second saying that Mother's Day is to be celebrated like Christmas or birthdays, I'm just saying - all days are just days, aren't they? If that's what this is boiling down to.

And if it’s “just a day”, OH (not a mother) and MIL (not the children’s mother) will manage just fine without the kids coming to lunch and just showing up later that afternoon.

For those saying I wasn't interested in others opinions, it is another thing I have already addressed in a previous post, anyone who has criticized me since has not brought anything new to the discussion nor made any reasonable argument as to why I am in the wrong

Because of his over the top reaction, I genuinely did wonder if I was missing something, hence making this thread. No one has come up with anything rational other than I must hate my MIL essentially and I am doing it to spite him and her (ridiculous) so obviously I have not agreed with them. A lot of stuff about how I wouldn't like it either if my son behaves like this - actually it would disturb me if my son didn't look after the wishes of his own children's mother because he is not being brought up like that.

I also haven't name called or lost it with posters who didn't agree with me, i just haven't agreed with their points either (because a lot of the posts are frankly a lot of exaggerated made up nonsense).

Doesn’t that go both ways though with her DH and whose to say the kids want to go with their father in the first place?

Neither grandmother is ‘entitled’ to see their grandchildren on Mother’s Day or any other day. OP however is entitled to have lunch with both of her own children on Mother’s Day. Luckily for MIL, she will see her son’s children later that day. But no, she isn’t entitled to this.

Also, just to add, it's perfectly okay to post something in AIBU to further justify your own position in your own mind - if someone in real life is telling you how outrageous you are being, how unfair you are being and you don't think you are but they are insisting - sometimes it's quite nice to get outsiders point of view to reassure yourself that you're not in fact loosing the plot

Wow - I stepped away from this thread yesterday evening and can't believe it's still going - with all the same types of comments showing people are not reading the thread, or at the very least, the OPs comments!

Your requests for YOUR Mother's Day are absolutely reasonable. I do not factor in my DH on Mother's Day. I tell him my plans with MY children, and if this fits around his own plans to see his own mum then he tags along. If they don't then he doesn't grumble. I don't want to see my MIL on Mother's Day I want to see my mum and whatever I want to do my children come with me as it's Mothers Day. There would be no discussion on this for me I would just say this is what I'm doing on my own day end of, if you don't like it tough. I don't dictate on Father's Day, it works exactly the same for him on his day as it does for me on mine.

I hope to god my boys partners let me see my grandchildren more than is deemed acceptable on Mumsnet! Since having my children, we go out as a family and see my Mum another day. I wouldn't dream of spending it separately. If you've seen your Mum for the last 2 mother's Day I think it's totally reasonable that your partner gets to see his WITH his children

All the couples I know, even those with children, spend Mothers’ day with their own mother.

But it’s not Fathers’ Day. The MIL gets to see her children, as does OP, OPs mum only gets to see her grandchildren as her daughter is their mother.

On Fathers’ Day FIL will get to spend the day with his grandchildren whereas OP’s Dad won’t.

No, not really. Since the children's MOTHER will be visiting her MOTHER and therefore the children will be with her and not their Dad since it's mother's day not father's day. Most people want to be with their mothers on mother's day!

I think you've missed the point....
Grandmother's meaning OPs MIL grandkids (OPs children) are not MILs children so should be with OP
Already stated her DH is going to see his mother.

Well probably not on Mother's day since your boys wives will want to be with their mothers on mother's day as will your son's children. And your boys should come and see you because it's mother's day and why would you not want to be with your children.

I hope to god my boys partners let me see my grandchildren more than is deemed acceptable on Mumsnet! Since having my children, we go out as a family and see my Mum another day. I wouldn't dream of spending it separately. If you've seen your Mum for the last 2 mother's Day I think it's totally reasonable that your partner gets to see his WITH his children

There are so many contradictions to this post I don't know where to start...
Both the mothers in OPs scenario are being better treated than yours is?