To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Good thing he doesn’t have to choose and can see his mum at lunch then his wife and children later in the day!

She’s their grandmother though, and her son is OP’s husband who doesn’t want to have to choose between his mother and wife and children on Mother's Day

He doesn't have to choose. It's not one or the other.

"Everyone is either a mother, or the child of a mother. Therefore it’s a day of significance to all family members."

Which is basically just 'celebrating your actual mother/child bonds needs to make space for everyone else, you can't even have lunch with someone guilting you about someone else's mother.'

Another I ask but don’t want any other opinions thread…

Another I ask but don’t want any other opinions thread…

Tbf I wouldn't dignify most of the batshit drivel on this thread with the title "opinion".

She’s their grandmother though, and her son is OP’s husband who doesn’t want to have to choose between his mother and wife and children on Mother's Day

It's not "grandmother day" OR "wife and children's day", so beyond ensuring his children have got their mum a card or whatever it might be, it's natural for him to prioritise his mum on that particular day, like everyone else involved.

I totally agree with you views and plans OP, I am seeing my Mum with my 2 children and my DH whose mum has been dead for over 20 years will relish in a movie marathon.

However, the partner whilst being selfish in my opinion, is grumpy because for the past 2 years his Mum, of her own accord was on a cruise so he didn’t celebrate with her. So now she is about, he wants to., is the sulking because he joined you with your mum for past 2 years and seems to think it’s now “fair” for you to return the favour? completely neglecting to see the point his own mum made the decision to be on a cruise.

This thread is hilarious. Neither me or my DH speak to our mums (CA, not petty disputes before anyone jumps on me) so not really an issue in this house, however I'm in the 'mothers day is for mothers, not grandmothers' camp. The day is for OP as the mother of young children and she can spend it how she wishes. If that includes seeing HER mum then great, but either way her children should be with THEIR mum. Whether her DH visits HIS mum is up to him.
I'm also the mum of 3 boys and fully appreciate that this means I will likely have a lesser role in certain things when they are older. For example, I wouldn't expect a DIL to necessarily want me at the birth of her children, but she may want her own mother. I wouldn't expect to be there when she buys her wedding dress or on a hen night or if she's struggling with mental health, but she may include/confide in her own mother. She may come to love me as family, but I wouldn't be HER mother. I also wouldn't expect to see those children on mother's Day. As a mother of boys I would always offer help and be grateful for inclusion, but I understand that there are things I will likely not be present or needed for. It's life. I'll probably see the grandkids on father's day though

It's Mothers Day and you are a mum, ergo you get to spend it how you choose, ie with your mum and your children. You're not stopping him seeing his mum.

It really is amazing how some posters would have women prioritizing their Mils even on mother's day, as if their mil had no son to do that for them. I wonder if they think the mothers in question would be reasonable to insist on having the children round for lunch with their own mother on Father's Day? Or is that dad's special day.

Can you see DM for lunch and your mil (or let dh take the DC to see mil) later? How many concurrent hours do you feel you need to be celebrated for? It feels like you are making a point tbh.

Your DH is being ridiculous.

It's Mother's Day, so you should all spend it with your mothers.

He goes to his mums
You go to your mums.
Kids stay with you.

Same can go for Father's Day. He take the kids to his dad, you see yours.

He is needlessly being awkward

If you can't get both sides of the family to get together (which most families can't do).Then most people go to their respective mother because it's 'mother's day' so on this particular day Mothers needs do indeed trump everyone else's.

Can you read the full thread, or if that’s beyond you, at least the OP’s posts?

When he's having his lonely lunch he will see her upset it could be regret she's not made more effort before...or there could be reasons the op is unaware of for her not being there as they are not close she's unlikely to know....or it could be I'm trying now and the DIL still not accepting it...either way the children are his children too and the grandMOTHERS family too why is it so unreasonable to switch things once? .....mother in law hatred?

This sounds lovely :-)

Unless the Mums don’t like each other.
People should spend Mothers Day with their Mum (toxic relationships not withstanding). So OP spends it with HER Mum, the DC spend it with their Mum (OP) and her DH can spend it with his Mum if he chooses to.
Its not complicated

@jannier are you having trouble with your reading comprehension? The MIL is having lunch with her five (or is it six) children and some of their children. It’s not going to be a sad lonely lunch with just the OP’s DH wiping away her tears. Stop writing fiction!

What, the lonely lunch with all her other kids as well, and at least 3 of her grandkids?

So so lonely and sad. She'll be bereft.

And how do you treat Father’s Day? We’ve always split Mother’s Day and tried to see both at some point but sometimes it just doesn’t work, I understand though sometimes I just want to do my own thing but nearly I always end up having tea at my mother in laws so last year we took her out for food before the Sunday, my husband tried to give her her gifts on that day but she refused to accept them. We didn’t go round the Sunday as he was ill and the day after made many digs about it, forgetting the fact we took her out for a meal a couple of days before and my Mother’s Day was spent looking after him.

Tell him to wind his neck in and just go with your own mum with both children.

It is not even a tiny bit grandmother's day just because mother is in the word grandmother. That wouldn't be fair to anyone. We celebrate mothers on mother's day and we have a different day for grandparents. It's a whole other thing!

Also, if a mother can't be with her mother and children on mother's day, when can she. If I was the op I would feel less inclined to help and facilitate contact if I wasn't allowed this one day to centre myself and my own mum.

I bet this whole conversation only arose because the dp didn't fancy having to make conversation with his mum on his own over lunch. Effort.

Wow! Selfish much! She is a mum too and entitled to see her son and children too. Im a mum, we always did alternate years. And now since mil passed away we still spend time thinking about her. Its my day too but so what its just another day to me. I dont need one day to be all about me my kids and partner buy me flowers and treats often because they want to. Its one day. I honestly think you need to give your head a wobble and think of your partners feelings too. If my partner was that selfish id be getting rid. Maybe you can spend the saturday with your mum and sunday with his. No biggie really

Wow! Selfish much! She is a mum too and entitled to see her son and children too

Did you literally not read any of the OPs posts? I mean not even the initial one?
He's going to have lunch with his mother. OP is happy with that. So are his siblings. So MIL will indeed see her children, as will OP, as will OPs mother.
All happy. Except for some weird reason, OPs husband.

No one is stopping him seeing his mum. RTFT. And why should OP forgo seeing her mum on Mother’s Day? Maybe DH could see his mum on Saturday? No biggie, eh?