Page 22 | To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

MangoPi · 2023-03-08T17:10:50+00:00

Hello, As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother. He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!) He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children. I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings. He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

toomuchlaundry · 09/03/2023 00:40

@VivienneDelacroix bit heartless as his dad is dead

VeganFromSveden · 09/03/2023 02:38

Dear Mango, for what it’s worth, I feel you are absolutely right, and for all the reasons you’ve stated-

Mother’s Day = you + children + your mum
your oh to his mum

Fathers Day = him + children + his dad irrespective that his dad is no longer physically here.
you to your dad/stepdad if you so wish.

Its not grandparents day.
im the mother in law by the way, and although it’s a potentially a situation where I wouldn’t necessarily get to see any of my sons children, I believe that when I was a mum to my young dc, I would’ve wanted to be with my mum like you do. So why would I want to be a hypocrite as a mil, just coz circumstances have evolved…

I do think you’ve been flamed unfairly, and I do believe you’ve done your utmost to accommodate your oh …. Him wanting you with him on Mother’s Day to his mum is unreasonable.
his mum isn’t your mum, and I’m sure that his mum gets to see the kids at other times.
gee, it’s a bloomin minefield!

Thepossibility · 09/03/2023 03:21

katepilar · 08/03/2023 23:17

I have a feeling you dont seem to be able to see what your partner feels. You should work out together what to do so that you are both happy.
Plus I dont get the whole fuff about mothers day. You can spend any other day with your children.

Nope, I do what I want on Mother's Day.
It's not the day to compromise on making OH happy like every other bloody day of the year.
Saying that though, what makes him happy is seeing the mother of his children do what she wants on Mother's Day. Because he appreciates me being the mother of his children.

bussteward · 09/03/2023 05:55

I love how the “Mother’s Day is important for ALL mothers!” and the “Mother’s Day is unimportant, it’s just a day and I don’t see my kids so neither should you” crowds are united in the idea OP should go to MILs. But point out, logically, that OP is also a mother and then it becomes “me me me, we get it”. It’s a rollercoaster of stupid on this thread.

LateAF · 09/03/2023 06:24

ElonsMusky · 08/03/2023 20:14

this...so much this.

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Can anyone of you even read? @ScentOfAMemory and @ElonsMusky - in the OP itself, OP has explained that her husband is going for lunch with his mother! No one is stopping him. So every mum is getting to see their children on mothers day. If OP went along with his DH - then OP's mum would be deprived of seeing her child on mother's day.

In the OP, OP also pointed out that her MIL hasn't spent mother's day or christmas with her son or other children by her own choice. Please learn to read.

LateAF · 09/03/2023 06:26

This thread is mad. OP is one of the few logical posters on here. The posters criticising her have the reading comprehension and logic of a slug.

Mother's day is for mothers. Father's day is for fathers. And OP's position maintains that. None of the criticism against her makes sense.

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/03/2023 06:31

My DH and I have an arrangement that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is about this mum and dad. I chose what we do Mother’s Day and he on Father’s Day. This Was decided after the stress of having to drag kids around to see both sides of family in one day.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/03/2023 06:31

As long as you're happy if this happens to you when your children are older, I don't see an issue

LateAF · 09/03/2023 06:40

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/03/2023 06:31

As long as you're happy if this happens to you when your children are older, I don't see an issue

But nothing is happening to anyone. Presuming OP and her partner are still together once they have grandchildren - OP is likely to see her son's children on father's day. Or on any of the other 364 days of the year.

Only a crazy person would want their daughter in law to sacrifice spending mother's day with their own mother, and make DIL spend it with them instead.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/03/2023 06:44

LateAF · 09/03/2023 06:40

But nothing is happening to anyone. Presuming OP and her partner are still together once they have grandchildren - OP is likely to see her son's children on father's day. Or on any of the other 364 days of the year.

Only a crazy person would want their daughter in law to sacrifice spending mother's day with their own mother, and make DIL spend it with them instead.

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Yes you're correct, I didn't read it properly 😳🤦‍♀️

bussteward · 09/03/2023 07:15

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/03/2023 06:44

Yes you're correct, I didn't read it properly 😳🤦‍♀️

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Kudos for being the first person on the thread to actually admit that!

jemimapuddlepluck · 09/03/2023 07:27

Christ, there's some thick as fuck posters on this thread 😁
The OP would like to spend the day with HER children and HER mother. She is happy for DH to go see HIS mother. What's wrong with that?! Am I the thick as fuck one? It's MOTHERS DAY. The OP is a mother and would like to see her mother too.
Tell him to stop sulking and sort it out, you will be doing as you please on Mother's Day. I plan on doing sweet fuck all, enjoy breakfast in bed, that my lovely DH will make to show appreciation for me birthing his children and see my own mother in the afternoon. I have no idea what DH is doing for his mum but I'm assuming he will go see her at some point.

Sceptre86 · 09/03/2023 07:45

Can you nor go see mil the day before? That way she can spend time with her grandkids. Your dh can then go to the meal on the day with his mum. I'd continue with your own plans on the day as it's your day too.

lieselotte · 09/03/2023 07:52

As long as you're happy if this happens to you when your children are older, I don't see an issue

As ever with this threads everyone assumes that everyone lives in the next street to their family and can see them at will.

Mother's Day is always in term time, which makes it difficult to accommodate in any event if you live a distance away from your parents.

And I don't care if I don't see my son on Mother's Day - as I said, it's a made-up day anyway and I have no desire to be dragged off to a restaurant as a "treat" with everyone else's badly behaved kids (and these days, the compulsory dogs) and poor service and food.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/03/2023 08:04

019203847user · 08/03/2023 17:45

But it’s Mother’s Day! The OP wants to see her own mother and to see her own children. That’s not selfish, that’s the basic minimum of Mother’s Day

It is if it is every single year to the exclusion of her partner never ever sometimes being able to be with his own mother, his own children and their mother (ie. OP too)

Of course it's every year! Mother's Day is once a year!

The op hasn't said he can't see his mother, she's also said he can take the dc to see their Nan that day, the op's dh is complaining because the op wants to take her mother, on Mother's Day, with her children as their mother, for lunch.

He will get to call the shots on Father's Day (which also happens once a year) and can choose to spend it with his mother, the op and his dc if he chooses

jannier · 09/03/2023 08:15

StuartBroadshairband · 08/03/2023 21:14

I think you're being selfish for making comments about things that have been addressed multiple times in the thread.

Why do you think that your time is so important and your twee (incorrect, I might add) thoughts are so insightful not one of the previous 400 odd posts might have been similar.

The sheer entitlement of people these days is infuriating. That goes for the pissed up old bat OP is lumbered with as much as the idiots who refuse to comprehend what she's said and created their own narrative.

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The op has always spent the day ....with her own mother the oh is fed up with toeing the it's a special day so my mum is most important line, he's fed up with saying yes dear and seeing the hurt in his own mother's voice....that probably makes her have a drink knowing yet again she's not on the list and by only birthing a boy she is of no consequences and her grandkids are being taught to prioritise other grandma too....and no I have a daughter and if she treated her mil this way I'd dump her and go out to lunch with her mil....I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

JassyRadlett · 09/03/2023 08:18

jannier · 09/03/2023 08:15

The op has always spent the day ....with her own mother the oh is fed up with toeing the it's a special day so my mum is most important line, he's fed up with saying yes dear and seeing the hurt in his own mother's voice....that probably makes her have a drink knowing yet again she's not on the list and by only birthing a boy she is of no consequences and her grandkids are being taught to prioritise other grandma too....and no I have a daughter and if she treated her mil this way I'd dump her and go out to lunch with her mil....I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

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Oh the gifted fiction writers are back!

'Seeing the hurt in his mother's voice'... shed a little tear.

Two editorial notes.

You can't see a sound.
His mum wasn't even around for the last couple of Mother's Days.

FrostyFifi · 09/03/2023 08:19

I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

I mean it's literally called Mother's Day 😂

CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/03/2023 08:40

FrostyFifi · 09/03/2023 08:19

I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

I mean it's literally called Mother's Day 😂

And heaven forbid father have a day too..... oh hang on

bussteward · 09/03/2023 08:44

jannier · 09/03/2023 08:15

The op has always spent the day ....with her own mother the oh is fed up with toeing the it's a special day so my mum is most important line, he's fed up with saying yes dear and seeing the hurt in his own mother's voice....that probably makes her have a drink knowing yet again she's not on the list and by only birthing a boy she is of no consequences and her grandkids are being taught to prioritise other grandma too....and no I have a daughter and if she treated her mil this way I'd dump her and go out to lunch with her mil....I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

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She’s not on the list except for her own kids spending time with her, their mother, to celebrate Mother’s Day.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 09/03/2023 08:49

Jesus - some mothers of boys are bat shit crazy 🤣🤣

Tandora · 09/03/2023 09:01

bussteward · 09/03/2023 05:55

I love how the “Mother’s Day is important for ALL mothers!” and the “Mother’s Day is unimportant, it’s just a day and I don’t see my kids so neither should you” crowds are united in the idea OP should go to MILs. But point out, logically, that OP is also a mother and then it becomes “me me me, we get it”. It’s a rollercoaster of stupid on this thread.

Not at all. I think the point is; it’s ok to compromise once in a while. OP seems to think there is no issue because her partner can go to his mums and she can go to hers, completely apparently failing to recognise that they are all one family. It’s not about whose needs trump whose. Compromise is key.

Cloudhoppingdancer · 09/03/2023 09:01

jannier · 09/03/2023 08:15

The op has always spent the day ....with her own mother the oh is fed up with toeing the it's a special day so my mum is most important line, he's fed up with saying yes dear and seeing the hurt in his own mother's voice....that probably makes her have a drink knowing yet again she's not on the list and by only birthing a boy she is of no consequences and her grandkids are being taught to prioritise other grandma too....and no I have a daughter and if she treated her mil this way I'd dump her and go out to lunch with her mil....I'm sick of hearing how only mums feelings are important and dad's have to suck it up

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You literally made all that up.

Have you considered counseling for your issues? You're projecting a lot here.

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 09/03/2023 09:06

This site is baffling at times.

Everyone in the OPs scenario spends mothers day with their mother. Job done. What a father would prefer or a grandmother would prefer doesn't really come into it because it's a day in which mothers are prioritised.

I don't live near my mum so every year I go home to see her and DH spends the day with his mum. We all get on great but it just wouldn't be practical to all get together for lunch.

aSofaNearYou · 09/03/2023 09:07

Not at all. I think the point is; it’s ok to compromise once in a while. OP seems to think there is no issue because her partner can go to his mums and she can go to hers, completely apparently failing to recognise that they are all one family. It’s not about whose needs trump whose. Compromise is key.

But they are not necessarily all one family. My mum and MiL live a long way away from each other, they are friendly but wouldn't really consider themselves family. They're acquaintances. And with other siblings involved, it's not necessarily an option to see the two grandmothers together so it is always going to be an either/or situation.

And they are all one family every day of the year. This is the ONLY day that is specifically about seeing one's mother, it isn't necessary to compromise on that. There is no shortage of opportunities to see each other on other days. It would be like saying "yes it's your birthday OP and you want to go and see your family, but you're completely failing to recognise that you are all a family and should go and see your DH's some years instead". It's just totally not necessary, they can see the family on literally any other day.