To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Grandparents Day is the first Sunday in October. She can have first dibs on lunch with the grandkids then.

I don’t get this… you all go together.
so my mum, my two siblings, my DH, his mum, and his sibling. Oh, and of course my siblings’ DPs, because why would my siblings want to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mil, but not their partners, and own children? But then DPs’ mothers would need to come, and their other children…

absolutely ludicrous to suggest all go together. I can’t really see sibling wanting to spend Mother’s Day with someone else’s mil, never mind their own.

if I celebrated Mother’s Day I would be quite sad if my mother chose to spend it with just one of her children, and their mil, rather than me.

Just to sum up:

• OH absolutely should go to the meal with his mother
• He is guilt tripping me not the other way round
• Me and MIL get along fine
• Me and my mum had plans first, had no idea MIL was even around this year, this was mentioned today
• Cannot have a huge meal together as my brother and BIL do not get along - MIL would never leave BIL (although some on here expect me to pick between my children.....)
• MIL very likely does not give a shit if she sees me or not - this has all come from my partner and his massive strop over it all
• I wouldn't abandon him if his mum wasn't here - have never done this in the past on the multiple occasions she has been elsewhere
• His father is dead, i don't know my bio father, our children spend the day with him and his family visiting his fathers grave and having lunch/dinner
• I want to have lunch with both of my children, unsure why this is outrageous or unfair
• MIL if she wants to can see our two whenever she wants
• I do not think MIL is a slave
• I do not have a cold heart
• I do think Mothers day is about mothers predominantly as there is already separate days for fathers and grandparents
• please read my posts if you're going to be insulting and make assumptions

Think that's everything

Well, OP - this post is definitely sending me towards a stiff G&T, I can only imagine what you might be ready for right now!

YANBU in any shape or form with your plans for Mother's Day. I hope you all have a lovely time.

Ahh mangoPi you are so much calmer than I would be on this thread. Hope you have a lovely day with your mum and children

YABU.

His mum and the relationship he has with her just as important.

Yeah but.... YABU. 😂😂😂

I would just give up OP. You’re being completely fair, this thread is mad.

Oh Jesus Fucking Wept.

I really do not understand why the OP is getting a hard time. She has suggested everyone spends mothers' day with their mother.

Jassy… my thoughts exactly

Apparently its because I hate my MIL?

There are some crazies on here tonight 😂

OP, you are being completely reasonable and not at all selfish. It's Mother's Day. You're a mother. Spend the day with your children and your mother.

DP spends the day with his mother.

What on earth is wrong with that??

Wow some of these replies are insane. Is no one reading OP's replies?

Of course her children are going to spend time with her - it's Mother's Day!

She hasn't once said she is stopping her DH spending time with his own mother. So MIL will get to spend time with her own child. She doesn't need to spend time with her grandchildren as she is not their mother.

OP explained numerous times why they are not doing Mother's Day all together - valid reason. MIL wants to spend her Mother's Day with all her children and she will.

Some of these replies are so nasty, every time I read MIL threads I feel sorry for poor DILs.

Don't forget you're also cold-hearted and selfish.

Kudos, OP. What a mad thread.

But she's not your mother! And you're encouraging your partner - her child - to see her. So even if you hated her, how are you being unreasonable about Mother's Day? Madness

It's unbelievable.

I mean it's not, because it's Mumsnet and people are incredibly lazy and absolutely hate anything that gets in the way of their initial gut reaction but this thread is next level.

@jannier but it's mother's day! Not Grandmother's day.
People tend to want to spend the day with their mothers. Hence why maternal Grandmother's will more likely see their grandchildren on Mother's day as the children are spending the day with their mother who in turn is spending the day with her mother. The children's father should go and spend the day with his mother.
Paternal grandmother's are more likely to see their grandchildren on Father's day!

Omg you’re so selfish not letting him see his own mum on Mother’s Day!!!!! And what if MIL wants the joy on her special day of seeing her sons partner enjoying Mother’s Day with her grandchildren. It’s MIL’s day too! YABVVVU and selfish again! She has rights!!!!!!!!!!
She is probably sitting in the dark and cold and hungry not being able to spend this one lunch with you. Bet she does free childcare for you all the rest of the time too!! Typical selfish daughter in law. How dare you? Did I mention you are selfish?
You can see your children whenever, let the grandmother see her own children on Mother’s Day. That’s how it’s meant to be.

You also need to be less of a selfish shit and throw a big lunch for all of your extended family so you can spend it together. It’s Mother’s Day, it’s it’s the mothers responsibility to ensure everyone else is sorted.

selfish and I hope one day you, too, won’t be sitting in the dark and cold all alone having done free children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 18 years. Sad and left out by your selfish daughter in law and selfish family.

your behaviour is selfish.

Sorry that came across a bit oddly, didn't it? I don't think there's even a little bit of evidence that you're either of those things, I'm just gobsmacked that people would accuse you of it for wanting to have your own kids with you on Mother's Day.

I spend the Saturday with my partner abs youngest two children and on The Sunday we see our own mums. I don't spend any of it with my older two children as they are at their dads.
It's only one day, surely you can be flexible

😂😂

hahah I actually genuinely enjoy MIL's company, she is certainly an interesting character, I just like and love my own mother that little bit more!

OP you are being so tolerant of the ridiculous posts you are getting. Why, oh why, do ppl not read your posts. They are showing themselves up as utter twats ( could have called them much worse!!!)
You are doing what is right for you.

Open to your suggestions that I've not already covered or are you of the opinion we should flip a coin of which child goes where? Or should we all go to MIL? please, do tell

@MangoPi no need to be rude.
Why don't you go for lunch with one mum on the Saturday and one on the Sunday? Not really difficult 🤷‍♀️