To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

oh go away

Yes it's how it feels I've never come across such hatred of mils as on Mumsnet it seems slavery, and childcare are the only use they have yet the own mother's are important, his mum's a waste of space the oh must be heartbroken at having to choose everytime.

I may have missed the bit where OP said which invitation came first - I do agree that makes a difference.

I am not really arguing that they should go to his mum's for lunch and not to her mum's. I don't think it matters. I just don't see why, given that they obviously live close enough, they couldn't all do both in one day.

i agree with you OP. I did say to my partner this year if he wanted to invite his mother along to lunch with us, but he said no. This was our day as family. We’re seeing both mums day before! Problem solved.

She missed "in" between "I'm" and "Reading"

That will be why her posts made me think of Berks.

It’s nothing to do with hatred of MIL.
OP has offered a joint day MIL has turned her down because BIL won’t attend.
OP has said DH should go to his mums lunch and she will go to her mums lunch.
She also said DH can take both kids over to MIL after lunch.
Where the hell is there any hatred of MIL?

I want to have lunch with my mum on mothers day and am fine with my partner doing the same somehow equates to I hate my MIL and think she is a slave, oh and thrown in a bereft husband (did you miss that his mother is never here, she does her own thing usually) don't let that stop your narrative though

Can you not go to mil for tea? Sorry if it's already been suggested. Haven't rtft as getting a bit cross at the selfishness "BUT I'M A MUM" Let's hope that when your son grows up you don't get a Dil like you.

I'm not saying that you didn't want him to go to his mum's. I'm saying that he wanted all of you to do both, one lunchtime, one later in the day. And my understanding was that you didn't want to do that, though you did compromise and say that he could take the kids?

Grand....mother....has feelings for her grand....child why is that so hard to understand for so many. It's heartbreaking how cold and selfish some mother's can be

This is how we've always done mother's day. Each adult sees their own mother and the children go with their mother. We switch on father's day. Why would the children spend mother's day with their father? It makes no sense.

I think you're being selfish for making comments about things that have been addressed multiple times in the thread.

Why do you think that your time is so important and your twee (incorrect, I might add) thoughts are so insightful not one of the previous 400 odd posts might have been similar.

The sheer entitlement of people these days is infuriating. That goes for the pissed up old bat OP is lumbered with as much as the idiots who refuse to comprehend what she's said and created their own narrative.

I'm getting a bit cross at people not reading things I've already answered but that's okay - for the record I'm a top DIL so i'd be overjoyed

I hope all these mummies only have sons kalma required

I know, how cold and selfish, for doing exactly what MIL is doing (not wanting to leave one of her children)

Mmmmm @jannier - how about how selfish MIL is being to expect a mother to not spend Mother's Day with her children. How selfish to centre yourself and expect more than just spending Mother's Day with your children.

She's got feelings for her grandchildren now she's dried out for a bit. She usually prefers Bacardi to Mothers Day Cardi, so the kids are better off with people who love them and want to be with them rather than someone who'd rather be sniffing a beer mat to get their latest fix.

To be honest this thread is making me want to drink.

Two boys, so karma achieved!

Certainly wouldn't ever expect their future wives (or husbands) to dance attendance around me on Mother's Day in the future. Hopefully they'll live close enough to see regularly and nip by with their kids on Father's Day to hang out with DH. But they're just as likely to live on the other side of the world so I won't get hung up on it.

Please leave the thread. Sensible people are not required ;)

I think YABU just because of your complete lack of flexibility. It wouldn’t harm you at all to say you could have Mother’s Day lunch with his mum one year and yours the next, and you’d still get to see the other one after lunch. But your complete rigidity about you must have exactly the lunch you want every single year without any flexibility makes you sound self centred. Yes it’s mother day it’s not act like a spoilt baby day.

dear lord, another who hasn't read my posts. What's the point?

You absolutely know that the OP has never said rigidly or otherwise that they have to do lunch with her mother every year without her MIL, don't you?

I wish the people who are slagging off the OP would RTFT.
There are so many shitty statements about the OP that have no basis at all in anything she has written in the thread.

I'm also a mother of boys and I very much hope I'm not raising them to be the kind of men who would give their partners shit for having lunch with their own mothers on Mother's Day.
I also hope I don't morph into the sort of grandmother who expects her grandchildren to attend to me on Mother's Day at the expense of their own mother.