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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

796 replies

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 17:10

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 20:36

TimeforacuppaT · 08/03/2023 20:34

Why does the OP’s mother want to spend the day with her grandchildren?

Equally unclear whether OP's mum has a view on this, I think - OP have I missed any part of your posts on this?

OP wants to spend lunch with her children.

bussteward · 08/03/2023 20:36

toomuchlaundry · 08/03/2023 20:31

Surely you should be grateful that MIL has been away the last 2 Mother's Days so you haven't had to have this discussion before. If she had been around would you still be claiming first dibs on having lunch with your mum and your children and not letting MIL have a lunch with her grandchildren. Especially as your OH doesn't have the equivalent for Father's Day as his dad is dead

How dare OP call first dibs on doing what she wants for Mother’s Day when everyone knows it’s actually about men and MILs and what they want. That’s why it’s actually called Men and MIL Day.

PSNonsense · 08/03/2023 20:36

title should of been named “me me me”

Or "I can't read read read"

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2023 20:37

Sorry OP cross posts!

wordler · 08/03/2023 20:37

PSNonsense · 08/03/2023 20:36

title should of been named “me me me”

Or "I can't read read read"

LOL!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2023 20:38

bussteward · 08/03/2023 20:05

But MIL isn’t a mother in OP’s family, she’s literally an in-law.

Personally, I think an in-law is my family, so that's where we differ.

toomuchlaundry · 08/03/2023 20:39

But the MIL is his mother, why wouldn't he want to spend it with his mum and take the children (his grandchildren) or do only daughter's mums count?

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:39

Tbh, if my partner gets silly about it again, as some posters have pointed out, it's about ALL mothers, so the obvious solution is to tell MIL not to have BIL at the meal and then all of us can be together.

I cannot WAIT to see how that goes down

OP posts:
cosmiccosmos · 08/03/2023 20:39

Bloody fell this thread is batshit!

Mother's Day - sons and daughters spend the day with their mother ie their children.

It is not 'grandmothers day', they are not a mother to their grandchildren and should not be being so selfish to expect to see grandchildren.

The children, logically, will want to spend time with their mother, who in turn, due to it being Mother's Day, normally, if at all possible, will be with her own mother, one of their grandmothers.

The other grandmother should not be selfish and take their grandchildren away from their mother in Mother's Day.

So there we are, simple. Your DH should just see his mother and she should be happy with this because it's Mother's Day and she is his mother.

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 20:39

TimeforacuppaT · 08/03/2023 20:30

title should of been named “me me me”

Absolutely. "I am a MOTHER, don't you know?"
Get over it, op.

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:40

toomuchlaundry · 08/03/2023 20:39

But the MIL is his mother, why wouldn't he want to spend it with his mum and take the children (his grandchildren) or do only daughter's mums count?

Why would my children not want to spend it with their own mum?

OP posts:
TimeforacuppaT · 08/03/2023 20:40

PSNonsense · 08/03/2023 20:36

title should of been named “me me me”

Or "I can't read read read"

You really do speak a load of nonsense nonsense nonsense

SnowdayYay · 08/03/2023 20:40

The only person seemingly wanting to exclude Mil is her own son ops dh!

Duddlepucks · 08/03/2023 20:40

toomuchlaundry · 08/03/2023 20:39

But the MIL is his mother, why wouldn't he want to spend it with his mum and take the children (his grandchildren) or do only daughter's mums count?

Because then the kids don't get to spend the day with their mother!

Kdubs1981 · 08/03/2023 20:40

This thread is fucking ridiculous. I know it's AIBU are people are purposefully dicks on these threads, but Jesus. Either that, or full of men with an agenda.

Women, mothers aren't even allowed to prioritise and centre themselves on the one day a year they are expected to, without all this whataboutery bullshit.

What about the man? Why does this woman/mother have to prioritise what her husband might like on MOTHER'S day? He might want to see his wife and children? It's not about him today! That would be Father's Day.

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:41

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 20:39

Absolutely. "I am a MOTHER, don't you know?"
Get over it, op.

I mean, i wouldn't have to repeat myself if people would actually read my posts......

OP posts:
BadNomad · 08/03/2023 20:41

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:35

Obviously not considering I've never left him alone before when his mum hasn't been around

Why is that obvious? Your DM isn't his mum. He might not want to spend the day with your mother.

There was another thread recently from a mother/MIL annoyed that her son and DIL wouldn't come to Mother's Day dinner because he wanted to stay with his wife to support her as she grieved for her mother. The majority thought the MIL was selfish and the son was doing the right thing putting his partner before his mother.

StuartBroadshairband · 08/03/2023 20:42

ImSoShiney · 08/03/2023 20:07

I don't understand why you can't see one mum at dinnertime and the other at teatime.
Everyone wins

I don't understand why you don't know that is what OP wanted all along. Reading is a wonderful thing. You might like to try it.

PSNonsense · 08/03/2023 20:42

You really do speak a load of nonsense nonsense nonsense

The irony. I know what Mother's Day means. I'll sleep ok tonight.

Have a fab day with your mum and children OP!

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:42

BadNomad · 08/03/2023 20:41

Why is that obvious? Your DM isn't his mum. He might not want to spend the day with your mother.

There was another thread recently from a mother/MIL annoyed that her son and DIL wouldn't come to Mother's Day dinner because he wanted to stay with his wife to support her as she grieved for her mother. The majority thought the MIL was selfish and the son was doing the right thing putting his partner before his mother.

Well then that would be his choice wouldn't it? And not me leaving him?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 08/03/2023 20:42

Not saying you can't go @MangoPi

If your son gets married and has children, will you be happy if he spends it with his MIL and takes the children too?

bussteward · 08/03/2023 20:42

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 20:39

Absolutely. "I am a MOTHER, don't you know?"
Get over it, op.

Get over being a mother on ::checks notes:: ah, Mother’s Day. Next, how dare you celebrate your birthday on your birthday, you selfish bint.

SnowdayYay · 08/03/2023 20:44

Ops dh should be looking forward to spoiling his mother and taking her somewhere special.

BadNomad · 08/03/2023 20:44

MangoPi · 08/03/2023 20:42

Well then that would be his choice wouldn't it? And not me leaving him?

Well, that's nice. "Sorry your mam's dead, but mine isn't, so cya later!"

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 20:45

Op hasn't mentioned what ages her children are, or if they're likely to be traumatised by spending an hour or so on MOTHER'S DAY apart from dear old Mum.