To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

How would you decide which child gets to spend Mother's Day with their Mum and which didn't? Draw lots?

The OP is the children’s mother - it’s Mother’s Day. Which bit of this are you not getting?

There are a few of us!

His mom is as important as yours.
To whom? Her own kids, who she’s seeing on the day? Sure. But she’s not as important as OP’s actual mother.

I find the fact that Mothers Day has also morphed into Grandmothers Day very irritating too. I remember my first ever Mother’s Day as a new mum with a brand new breastfeeding baby spending most of my day in the car after a very rushed and unrelaxing morning driving between houses to spend part of the day with both Grandmothers. There was immense pressure from my husband and my MIL and I didn’t have a moment to really reflect on my first Mothers Day as a mum or even spend a quiet moment when I wasn’t really harassed with my own mum and my new baby. It was horrendous. Now I just wouldn’t do it because you just don’t get these times back. I think the generational pressure starts as soon as you have a baby. I do also think a large amount of the organization of the kids, timings food and entertaining still falls to the woman so she ends up run ragged to meet loads of others peoples expectations. I think once your child grows up and has their own family if you see your own child on Mother’s Day that’s great, expecting the whole family to be toted round different houses to meet your expectations is a PITA.

Oh no I ‘get’ that it’s Mother’s Day, the OP has said it enough times in her replies!

It's amazing, because I would be horrified if I publicly demonstrated that I had the reading and comprehensions skills of an amoeba.

Good job MN is anonymous.

Did the name of the thread not give away what it would be about?

Don’t be so dramatic. Just send one of the kids off with their father. I’m sure it won’t traumatise them.

And what if the kids want to spend Mother’s Day with their mum?

It's shit isn't it. Quite a few posters on here seem to think MIL is far far more important that myself as a mother and I should in fact derail my own day to suit her. Where are the suggestions that she should accompany me and ditch her own family? Or better yet, why doesn't she ditch BIL who doesn't get on with my brother so we can all be together?? Oh wait, that's right because she doesn't want any of her children missing.....what a weird phenomenon

Emmm my mum always celebrated Mother's Day. After she died and I was going through her stuff, I came across her Bible, in her Bible were two cards, one she did for her own mother in 1949 (she would have been 8 and already a consummate artist, and one I did for her also aged 8....sadly lacking in artistic ability!). Yes it's commercialised now (as are many festivals and celebrations) but to say it's a hallmark or 'new event' isn't quite right.
I went to church with mum as a child, and loved it that the flower ladies would give me a little bunch of flowers I could give to her, often with a card I made during the the most boring part of the service sermon.
My dc love going to church with me on Mother's Day, because again they get a little bunch of flowers to give to me, and I take a bunch to put on my mothers grave, just behind the church.

title should of been named “me me me”

OP you don't seem to have properly internalised the idea that the acceptable role of women between the ages of around 30 and 50 is never to prioritise what you want over what others want, because it's not nice.

Ah this comment alone has brightened up my evening! Poor old amoebas being dragged into this shambles of a thread 😂

To me mother's day means seeing your mother.
How odd that so many people think the mother in law or paternal grandmother should be a priority over someone's own mother!

Surely you should be grateful that MIL has been away the last 2 Mother's Days so you haven't had to have this discussion before. If she had been around would you still be claiming first dibs on having lunch with your mum and your children and not letting MIL have a lunch with her grandchildren. Especially as your OH doesn't have the equivalent for Father's Day as his dad is dead

Good idea!

Why does MiL want lunch with her grandchildren on Mother's Day?

Actually I'm not, if anything it's added another layer to it as I don't see why my partner gets to use it as a stick to beat me with when it is his mother's choice to be doing her own thing all the time, I don't see why we should all suddenly drop everything because she is here this year - where is this energy the other way round? If it's about ALL mothers, why can't she ditch BIL and then we can all have the big family meal all together? Except, she won't, as she wants all her kids with her. How strange!

I can kind of see it from his point of view. I think some people see Mother's Day as celebrating that person by bringing all their important people to spend the day with them. So that includes grandchildren, not just children. Family, basically. But, at the end of the day, the children go with you because you are their mother.

I wonder, though, if MIL dies before your DM, will you still leave DH alone so you can spend the day with your mother?

It's not even clear that she does. It was the DH's brainchild but he's over it now.

Why does the OP’s mother want to spend the day with her grandchildren?

Obviously not considering I've never left him alone before when his mum hasn't been around

She is spending it with me, with or without her grandchildren. They are coming because I want to spend it with them, you know, as their actual mother