To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Yep, we are clearly in the minority here.

I wouldn't want to be a part of any of these families!

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves how difficult is it to grasp the concept of just because YOU like to have a big family gathering combining both mothers on Mother's Day, others don't/can't? What if there were multiple siblings?

No, she is up for her partner taking the children to see MIL later on.

I dont think it makes me dense that I like spending time with my MIL as well as my Mum, and as well as my DH no.

Yanbu. Why would you, a DIL, spend Mother's Day with your MIL? Surely that's what her own son should be doing, seeing as she's his mother? And the gc are with you, their mum, because its mother's day. Everyone spends mother's day with their mother. Don't see what people aren't grasping here.

Why should the OP spend her day with her MIL? She wants to see her own mum. It’s also not her fault that they don’t spend other events like Christmas with the MIL because she likes to get pissed and have a curry, which her own son doesn’t like.

Yes... she raised her son.... so she can spend it with her son.... not her sons kids whom she did not raise and who will likely want to spend it with their own mother...

No, she is up for her partner taking the children to see MIL later on.

Which is totally fine. Everyone with their mothers.

Gosh, I haven’t spent a Mother’s Day with my dm or my adult dc for years.
Goodness knows why people make such a fuss.

Actually, you are misunderstanding. It isn't actually about what I like to do at all, because I don't see mother's day as being all about me. I would just as soon spend the day with dd or even reading a good book!

For me, it is about showing appreciation for the women who raised us and making them both feel special/included. Because I see it as a day about family, not a day about me.

If there are multiple siblings involved or significant distances that mean you can't do both, then I would just presume that we would alternate. Or do one in the morning, one in the afternoon etc. It isn't rocket science.

It’s fair enough to me that you both see your own mothers. Unless you do a big joint meal which some families do then it’s the fairest way. Don’t know why he’s so bothered, you’re not his mother. Maybe he thinks his mum would like the grandkids there for her meal but it’s more important they spend it with you isn’t it

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I get you. Although it's quite funny reading the talk about mothers being celebrated on this most revered of holidays (that the card companies just happen to love). 😁 I might ask DP how he is planning for me to be celebrated (children are too young), perhaps an altar, a festival of all things me... A dedication on a local bench? But absolutely no MIL. Obviously.

Although I don't take the day seriously so maybe it is very intense for those who do.

Such madness over a day.
My mum lives quite far so we do Mother's Day on Saturday for her (as I don't mind coming back late on Saturday) and then pop over to see mil on actual Mother's Day.
Can you change things around?
If not, then go ahead op. I agree that you should see your mum with your dc on Mother's Day and dh go and see his mum.

It’s just a made up money spinner. See your mother another day, or take one child each

In 17 years we have spent every Easter, Mother's Day, Christmas and New Years Day with my family. MIL has 4 sons but spends these days with her husband. Myself or the kids 11 and 13 have never eaten so much as a sandwich there. Some woman aren't so bothered.

Nothing wrong at all with what you do OP and why the hell would they have a kid each?

It isn't that people aren't grasping it. It's just that they don't particularly like that very narrow way of thinking about family.

Each to their own.

This thread has been weird and entertaining, YANBU this is your day op not Grandmothers day, the children only get to see your mother because you want them there with you, sounds like your DH just can't be bothered to collect the children later in the day after having lunch with his mother, so basically being a lazy twit and trying to inconvenience you on your day.

I know the world isn't what it was but are we really now in a place where Mothers Day is about the wants of a huffy man?
I don’t see it like that, is it not about a person (doesn’t matter if they are male or female surely?!) wanting their mother to have the best Mother’s Day they can have? So surrounded by family? (I’d be huffy too if the shoe was on that foot!!!)

And it's true most families do celebrate with the daughters family not their sons.

Interesting. I don't take the day service either, so maybe that makes a difference.

For me, it would be important to shoe appreciation to my mum and MIL on mother's day (if MIL was still alive), because it might matter to them. Personally, I think it's a hallmark holiday, and I'm grateful for the love and appreciation that my dd shows throughout the year. It's lovely if she makes a special effort to do something nice on mother's day, but I don't feel the need to have a day that is all about celebrating me.

Maybe it is different for those who don't feel appreciated the rest of the time!

This will be a daily mail article for sure.

Waves to editor...

yanbu.

we've always ended up splitting the weekend. My MIL had passed, so i used to have my mothers treats on the Saturday, then spend mothers day with my DM.

Now i'm single, i still do the same, then spend mothers day with DM and my siblings MIL at their house where they make a dinner for all 3 of us (they dont have kids of their own)

Drop a card and flowers to each 'senior' mother in the morning, then remainder of the day at home as a couple with children.

As MN would say, they have had their turn..😉

As it's Mother's Day, many people want to spend time with their own mum, therefore...
DP => goes to his mum's for lunch
OP => goes to her mum's for lunch
Kids => go with their mum (aka OP) to lunch

OP has already said the children can go to DP's mum's after lunch so she also sees the grandchildren.

When my children grow up, I will have had many years being the mum on Mother's Day (and my husband on Father's Day), it will be my children's turn to have that with their own children.

Ffs - it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t know why everyone’s getting their knickers in a twist! It means your children are with you and if you want to go out for a meal with YOUR Mum, then do it. He can go out with his Mum if he wants to - your dh needs to get a grip.

This thread is madness. Everyone sees their mother on Mother's Day.
This is absolutely not a problem.