To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

I'm with you. I love my Mum and MIL dearly, and I totally respect that my DH has a Mum with a good relationship with her, so we do things as a team, and fairly.

Not necessarily. Maybe the MIL bribes them with sweets and money. Maybe they love it there.

Yanbu. All the mums see their kids.
Mil sees her son,
your mum sees you
You spend time with your kids.

You’re not alone

We all spend the day together, my parents, dh parents and db family invited too.
Lovely big gathering.
We tried it separate one year and didn’t feel it was right.

We re a family and wanted to spend it as a family.
We do the same for Father’s Day.

I guess this is what is at the heart of the disagreement.

A lot of you seem to view the whole point of mother's day as a day when you can do whatever you like, without having to worry about what anyone else might want. So you have a license to be selfish on that day, effectively, because it's supposed to be "your day".

I guess I haven't ever seen it like that. Yes, it's a day when I would show some appreciation to my mum, and to any other mum-like figures in my life. And yes, I would be delighted if my dd decided to show some appreciation for me. But I don't see it as a day that resolves around my wants and preferences. For me, it's a day about celebrating strong family bonds. And that includes my DH's family as well as mine.

I get that most people just see it as their day to see their mum and do whatever they fancy. I guess if that's how you look at it, the OP is being reasonable. None of my extended family really operate like that though, so it seems pretty alien to me.

That's really lovely, but what do you do when they're are multiple siblings on both sides/too much distance between family members/family members who don't get on? I think the problem is thinking there is a right or won't way to celebrate, and in OP's case it really doesn't seem anyone is hard done by

I’ve just realised this will be the first Mothers Day in 25 years where it is all about ME!

My mum died 3 years ago and MIL died recently. Neither of my two children have MIL’s of their own yet.

I wonder if they have planned anything? I won’t hold my breath.

Nope. My only child is a girl and she isn't old enough to have a MIL yet. Her boyfriend's mum is lovely though!

The OP has said that they get on, but she just isn't acting as if they do!

I think you are selfish. You’ll understand one day when your own childrens partners do the same to you. I’m guessing your mil would love to have her day with grandchildren also. For us a compromise is we see mil on the Saturday and we make a fuss of her then and she’s happy. She doesn’t care about the day itself, just feeling included and valued. Maybe you should try the same.

@Maxwelll and @TerribleInsomniac, glad
I'm not the only one who feels this way!

I know the world isn't what it was but are we really now in a place where Mothers Day is about the wants of a huffy man?
Such an aggravating thread - OP, I salute you, you have been very measured in your responses to wanting stupidity.

Can you read? You are saying that you see your MIL on a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DAY but OP is selfish for seeing her MIL later on - actual Mother’s Day, just not for lunch?

My comment was in support of the PP
I believe MN were ‘having a go’ at her.
I wanted her to know she is not alone.

As we invite everyone to ours aswell, we ve even had Aunts when my cousins weren't around. Open house, just like the PP that I attached to.

This is a forum for discussion, what’s the point of OP posting if all she wants is everyone to agree with her.

This in a nutshell.
What a bizarre thread 😱

For me, it would have nothing at all to do with the wants of a huffy man. It would have everything to do with me wanting to ensure that we, as a family, were honouring both of the women who raised us.

Sounds like he just want to complain, and I'm sure mil can grasp thst you want to spend the day with your dc, of course if both mums have invited you for lunch it makes sense for you to go to yours, and dp goes to his , its not selfish to want to spend mothers day with your own mum and your own children, and to be honest I find it hard to believe that any man is that fussed about a family mothers day, there's no need for turns or anything like that, because the facts will always bethe same.

Exactly @MrsBennetsPoorNerves
but I think we re fighting a lost cause.

Each to their own

No, no, no. It's Mother's Day. Why would you take it personally if DIL wants to be with her mother, and her children?

Unless she insisted her DH come too and MIL was alone, MIL will just have to cope and not act like her role as a grandmother overrides OP's wishes- who by the way, has tried to be accommodating!

I send the kids with my DH to my MIL and have a nice grown up time with my mum. The kids make me brekkie before they go and give me some daffs. I love em but i see them everyday.

Wouldn’t Mother’s Day alone with your mum be nicer though? Like more relaxed… let him take the children to see his mum undoubtedly they see your mum much more I imagine. I can understand your husbands problem tbh.

Yep, we are clearly in the minority here.

I wouldn't want to be a part of any of these families!

Are some posters dense? The OP is suggesting he be with his mother, she be with her mother, and the kids with their mother. Everyone with their mothers. That’s fair.

Yep, and the OP is up for seeing the MIL later on!

Stand firm, OP, and ignore some of the mad posters on this thread. Of course you should see your mum on Mother’s day. Of course your children should be with their mother on Mother’s Day. Of course your DH should be with his mother on Mother’s Day. The clue is in the name 😆. Everything else is whataboutery nonsense.

No, we are not dense. We understand what is being suggested, we just don't think it sounds very nice!