For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

No I don't think OP should work only 16 hours to get extra benefits no when she js able to do more.

This comment shows me that there's no point reasoning with most on this thread, as the attitude of entitlement is so ingrained.

Welfare budget isn't underspent - we're living in times where social services and the NHS, and schools are on their knees as are many public services. There is no money tree, those working pay high taxes which go to those working only 16 hours to make sure they get a top up.

Ridiculous.

the nastiness on here is not necessary.

There is no doubt that some milk the system, foodbanks/benefits, whatever, but I really don't see that the OP has done anything wrong.

She is unable to work more hours at the moment due to unforeseen circumstances but has said she hopes this will improve later on in the year and is intending to pick her hours up then,

Her husband is working the hours he can around childcare (ridiculously expensive to outsource depending on age).

We cannot predict the things that are going to happen to us, it's so silly to suggest that your circumstances at the time of having children will always be the same.

Maybe feel grateful that you're not in the position of needing them because you really don't know what is round the corner.

Agreed. It’s infuriating but she has the support of the others doing the same.

It's not a misconception. I used to run a business where lots of workers would try to limit their hours as they said it would affect their UC top ups. So there is clearly some perverse incentive in the system which means people don't necessarily work the full hours they could because they will overall lose out

Im not "doing the same" I have two jobs. I don't get any benefits. I only have one child. Done all the "right things" in your very shit book.

I fully support op. And I do not stand with small minded people like you.

'If I could get help from elsewhere I would, but thanks'

Just repeat that and try not to let it bother you.

OKA a mug

OP YANBU and sorry you have had such a hard time.

It is not easy to just use more childcare or get more hours. I'm moving to another job shortly with more hours partly because my current job wouldnt increase my hours. I work in a professional job too. And finding childcare is difficult sometimes even without the money issue. My 2 dc at are after school club now but they were on the waiting list for 18 months. Breakfast club is even busier. Lots of childminders are fully booked for over a year. Holiday clubs aren't an issue here as there is a local one that my dc fortunately both enjoy and doesn't get too busy but in some areas don't exist at all.

You again - why are you so consistently horrible to other people? Do you get a kick out of it? I am cross with you - who the hell do you think you are to be cross with someone you don't know?

I think you may be a tad over-invested.

If you can’t afford childcare then why have two children?

There by the grace of God, go I.

No one knows when things are going to go wrong for them. Ill health, redundancy, bereavement can strike all of us. No one is immune, no matter how wealthy or qualified. Even if you have savings, they are rarely enough to sustain you forever. Everything can come crashing down in a heartbeat. It's best to remember that when judging others!

OP, you are doing all you can, in difficult circumstances. I'm sorry your family are so cruel.

How am I a mug?

Does being a twat on the internet change the benefits system? Does it change the prohibitive cost of childcare? Does it do anything constructive at all?

No.

I'm not being a mug. I'm being a working mother who knows how hard it is.

I think the OP had two children when times were better. Circumstances change!

I am paying the bill pal, like others, I am fully entitled to call it out when it’s being abused.

OMG - this is such a dense response - are they supposed to fucking send them back? Wise up!!

Did you miss the part where she said she had an accident and therefore her working hours are now limited???

Have some empathy ffs

I suggest you shove your begrudged alleged 'donations' somewhere the sun don't shine.

Incredible!!

So it's feckless to be recovering from an accident and be working in line with the recommendations of a medical consultant?

I don’t know why I’m surprised but you’re becoming really nasty now. I hope MNHQ have a word.

When I was a child the welfare state (was different and it) supported my family through a rough patch (loss of a business, bankruptcy, death of a parent) and that investment in my family paid off

We got off benefits by 1987 and none of us have needed them since.

So if there's a short term need for a long term gain I'm all for it.

OPs not playing the system. She just wants to feed her family.

Plus the OP has a plan to improve her family financial circumstances.

Aparantly so!

Ridiculous isn't it

@Springchicken75 childcare for 2 can easily be more than what you actually earn if you work 8 hours you often need childcare for 10 hours, if you have 2 children that is 20 hours of childcare to be paid from 8 hours wages, if there is not a substantial difference then there is not much point working the extra hours,
her consultant said she was not to work more hours and she can only work these hours if she rests between times so her DH needs to be home when she is working or earning more than enough to pay for childcare, childcare is generally not available outside of 8-6

it is not a lifestyle choice to be involved in an accident which stops you from working for months and months, they had the children before accident and were OK for money before that