For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods why are you obsessed by the hours @Springchicken75 works?! If she can feed her family, her hours are quite irrelevant to the discussion!

Which she wouldn't be referred to if it wasn't deemed necessary.

@Nanny0gg My local one are run by a church and the people who want the free stuff just call them up, no other referral needed. No real vetting or anything, just ask people's circumstances and then believe them.

I imagine a lot of churches etc are doing this.

I couldn’t agree more. It has got to stop.

Anyone else get the impression a few socks have turned up on this thread?

Didn't Mumsnet stop people name changing on threads? Or was that just by accident?

Well if you can't afford food and have no other way of getting food, then food banks are obviously for you to use. It's nothing to do with anyone else.

No, he couldn't, he has the children to look after. Learn to read. Does your high power job not require that?

This 100%. If your struggling to feed your own children then working full time would be THE BARE MINIMUM you would do. You would be picking up secondary jobs/overtime everywhere you can and if you can’t your husband definitely can! I know two mums who have picked up online shopping roles with a food retailer to work 4:00am-7:30am and then be back before their husband goes to work.

But both of you only working partime/reduced hours and relying on food banks AND expecting your mum to support is crazy. I’m so sorry times are tough OP but where there is a Will there is a way.

Jeez. You need to try harder. Train cancelled? Well you should walk. Days off are pathetic, after all.

use childcare like we do!!

Ha! You definitely don’t work. I ASed you.

Your husband is working virtually ft hours, and you are working 3 days a week, that's quite usual for a young family, so good for you. You must be both on minimum wage to be struggling as you are trying hard. Make sure you are getting all the benefits you're entitled to, Citizens Advice etc can help with this. Once your children are both at school things will improve. It is sad your family is unhelpful, but that happens to lots of families. Keep working hard, I'm glad you've got the church food bank for recourse.

Have you walked to London from SE Kent?! 😂😂

Childcare is not free. Once you take I to account the extra tax and childcare, commute etc it is often not worth it.

@ladykale is clearly Jacob Rees-Mogg, didn’t realise he was on MN!

@ladykale but don't you see it would be better to use the (I believe always underspent) welfare budget than food banks?

More money in the OPs pocket, means more money spent in the community.

Using a food bank is a donation and doesn't get more money into the community.

UC is a passport benefit which gives access to other allowances that can help keep people afloat. Free school meals, a uniform allowance both of which might really help the OP's family.

Once things are on an even keel they can work to get off UC.

Yes, several times, after my 70 hour working week, with no shoes on, blindfolded. Anything less is embarrassing. Call that working hard, snow days, pfft. Ought to be ashamed of yourself, playing the snow day system.

The ideal would be for all parents of pre school children to not have to work 70 hours between them but, between them, work about 40 hours.

Sadly, if you do want to spend time with your children-better for parents, better for the children and without childcare fees-then you do either need the help of family, have a great paying job or rely on foodbanks.

The OP has been given a lot of advice but it does seem that she will have to rely on foodbanks if hours can't be increased, pay can't be bettered and if neither side of the family can/will help. I still believe she should ask parental grandparents for help instead of a visit.

One day, hopefully, parents will be allowed to work a limited number of hours but with top ups from the state-if everyone does it, then there will be no stigma and no need to visit foodbanks.

Most of us go to work full time to support pre-school children, if we don't have great paid jobs or family help but it's not ideal and one day, we may be sad that we were forced to do this.

The Op has chosen a better way for her children-full time hours from both parents is not worth being able to buy your own shopping and it seems many on this thread see the sense of that but, like me, are probably not brave enough to work less, have less but have a much better family life.

However, at the moment-in her circumstances-it does mean a reliance on food banks. So, take what you need and don't tell other people your business.

You have tried everything and most of us are only to glad to donate-either through taxes or food donations-in order to help.

And a here we go, a suggestion where OP reduces hours to 16 so that those of us killing ourselves to provide for our families and being bled dry by tax can top up OP's family and their lifestyle.

You can work more hours than 16 and be entitled to benefits anyway. I'm just about to increase my hours to 30 and I'll still be entitled to some UC. (Single parent though) I'm not sure why people think you can't work more than 16 hours, it's a common misconception made on here by people with limited or outdated knowledge of the system

And anyway my suggestion might be a moot point as we don't know either salary.

The OP's partner might earn well and they struggle because they happen to live in an expensive area.

Definitely time for me to sign off as I hate the system in this country that ENCOURAGES people not to work!

Its not great I agree.

its ok springchicken clearly cant read and is just in her own little world and bored whilst off work (school) for a snow day

Then move?