For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

I expect their husband works 50 hours, they certainly don’t. And I can well understand why he would choose ten hours a day at the office 😆

They’re just trolling now, I think. They’re too lacking in basic comprehension skills to be a real, surely?

My uncle was taking the pee by making use of the bonus free food from a food bank to save money, when he's not minted but he can afford his own food. The food bank near me have had to become a lot firmer as many people are doing it, some not particularly broke at all.

The food bank say it should usually be a short term measure for a few weeks, until for instance people's UC comes through. They don't want people to become dependent on it, also them giving stuff to people who don't need it means there's less for those who do.

I'm not saying any of this necessarily applies to OP of course, just that it does happen.

Food has gone up but it isn't horrific, especially at Aldi etc. @Notaskingmuch Eating enough will help your physical and mental health. Can we help you plan your food purchases? You could be honest about what you spend/buy foodwise and I'm sure people could suggest ideas and some should be potentially helpful.

Yeah but if you can't even afford to feed your kids then you need to work more hours. You do what you have to do. I came back to work when my baby was 3 months old because we needed the money, we don't get any help from benefits, it wasn't because I wanted to but because we needed to. I worked from home in an admin role. My partner works full time. I also have health issues, but you get on with it. You don't do the bare minimum and then complain about it.

Absolutely!! Unless you agree op should continue their life style choice of bare minimum whilst using much needed food banks you are screamed at and insulted. Only on here there appears to be new levels of entitlement.

Even if there isn't a local Aldi or Lidl, some stores like Sainsbury's and Tesco do Aldi price match on basics.

Uphill, backwards, bothways, in the snow.

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods I actually do, that's why I am finding the attitude on this thread v entitled.

It's patronising to assume people are house wives for simply questioning how a man can allow his family to starve basically without doing everything in his power to change the situation.

Which she wouldn't be referred to if it wasn't deemed necessary.

You know you don't walk in off the street and help yourself, don't you?

Hi OP, big hugs being sent because you’re clearly going through a tough time financially at the moment due to circumstances beyond your control.
YANBU for using food bank support. Don’t feel bad about what your friend said. You said she knows your family, but it wouldn’t surprise me if your DM was keeping up appearances regarding her outward shows of being a caring parent… you know different.
What has struck me though is how effectively you and DP are working as a team to do the best for each other and the children. You’ve both adjusted your working lives, working like a tag-team to prioritise your children and your health. DP is cramming hours in and you are also working in spite of still being in recovery from your accident. At the moment this is financially tough, but you can see light at the end of the tunnel, you’ve set yourselves targets for sept/oct. Ignore the messages on here berating DP for not doing more hours, they’re probably Therese Coffey zealots who expect/ think that people can magic extra hours at work or russle up additional jobs even though logistically it’s just not possible.
Hold your head up. Stay strong in your team ❤️. No shame, embarrassment or guilt needed with regard to your use of a food bank. 💐

It’s about personal responsibility.
We are responsible for feeding ourselves and our children, no one else.

It’s the idea that you can ease off do the bare minimum and sponge from a food bank that is really not acceptable to me. You are depriving another family of that help, food banks don’t have limitless resources.

My nearest Aldi is 20 minutes away by car and about 11/2 hours by bus (when they come)

Ridiculous to have reported someone for sharing their opknion.

@Springchicken75 hasn't said anything offensive as far as I can see.

I wonder if someone will report me because I think people should do anything they can to support their families, especially when kids are involved.

There are blind people with jobs, I think it's quite ableist tbh to assume that anyone with health issues can't work. Work places are required by law to make suitable adaptations.

Anyway... back to work!

Wishing OP the best and hopefully she can use food banks without judgment and improve their situation come September!

Eh? I meant the ol’ Springchicken, not you.

It’s not difficult to get a referral

Food banks are there for anyone that needs them. It is as simple as that. If you need to use them, you need to use them. It is not an enviable position and I am sorry you have found yourself here.

I hope things improve for you in the future.

Also, she does work. She works as much as the doctor advises.

There are none so blind as those who will not see what doesn’t prop up their narrative that the OP is feckless and lazy and undeserving of food

I think the OP works about 18 hours and week and the partner 33 hours a week (may be inaccurate due to time allowed for breaks etc)

That's 51 hours total. 2 people working full time is normally about 70 hours.

This is a really good pattern for childcare and health requirements right now.

So options include finding a job that pays more per hour (both OP and partner could consider this)

Doing all the health and childcare appropriate things on the £10 a day challenge (again both could participate)

Perhaps, depending on existing salaries, look at entitledto website and try out a few different scenarios where maybe the OP reduces her hours to 16 (if possible).

I think you need to go it alone without the support of your family OP. Don't waste the emotional energy on them.

Thank you. It in my circles we all work hard, that’s it, 35 hours is low if you have children to care for and not sustainable.

The reason he doesn't work more is that he's looking after their kids. So now what do you suggest?

Your husband works 37 hours which is pretty close to full time. For all those saying you should work more, he’s working pretty much full time and you are working around his hours and the kids. You are clearly not massive scroungers and you should definitely follow your consultant’s advice on recovery and rehab post accident rather than anyone on MN.

He could work 45-50 hours and op could continue as she is.

As to your original point, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself to anyone, but I would definitely in your shoes say something to this friend if you want to maintain the friendship. Not because you owe her an explanation but because you will feel better if you do.

And a here we go, a suggestion where OP reduces hours to 16 so that those of us killing ourselves to provide for our families and being bled dry by tax can top up OP's family and their lifestyle.

Definitely time for me to sign off as I hate the system in this country that ENCOURAGES people not to work!

Like you apparently do, you mean? 😆

YANBU. Treating children so vastly differently is cruel.