For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

He is working fulltime, the OP posted his hours. Maybe you can't add up.

Course you are

Op described it as part time! Not me.

OP, I think I would say to whoever askes, "yes, you are right, I know. What you do not know is that my family will not help me, at all, and I am struggling to this point, I need the food bank"
It is 100% unfair that she treats some siblings and not the others. And, are you sure you want to keep in contact with these people?

OP I firmly believe SpringChicken is your mother. Is your mother 75?😂

I can literally post a blurred photo of the view from my window, if you’d like! 😆

He works full time.

😂😂 slow clap. Would love to hear her mother’s side actually.

I reckon she's a bored housewife who's never worked a day in her life, and has never given to a foodbank.

A lot of ableism from some of the posters on this thread.

OP, use the food bank if you need it, don’t feel ashamed.

sorry your family are so awful, please cut down contact with them as it does you no favours.

as for your so called “friend”, they are not your friend. Definitely cut back contact there too. I would actually message her and say you’re really hurt by her comments, which were judgemental and uncalled for. She doesn’t know the details of your circumstances but you wouldn’t use the food bank if you didn’t have to. Then block her.

Hope your health improves soon, OP.

@ancientgran @Birdsbirdsbirds

27 hours is not full time,

Many people work 50 hours in a week. If your family can't afford bread you simply don't have the luxury to work 27 hours per week as an able bodied man!

OP is the one with the health issues.

get off your high horse

@Springchicken75
You are a disgrace to humanity.
Your goady and snidey replies show you for what you are.
This whole thread has made me despair. The viscious and nasty replies the OP has had to read. Thank God for the decent posters who can see the bigger picture here.
Good luck@Notaskingmuch I hope you recover well and your situation improves overall. You have zero to be ashamed of you are doing your very best. X

Same.

Crack on op if you want to, without even investigating solutions, increasing his hours, second jobs etc. Your friend was being honest, and maybe she can see you are not helping yourselves.

No one is suggesting she shouldn't use the food bank.

Anyone who doesn't have food for whatever reason should use them without judgment, but I don't understand why it's so terrible to point out that they should be working more hours (her OH defo if she can't for health reasons).

And many people also cite health reasons when remote jobs mean so much more can be done these days even with issues!

Agreed. No effort whatsoever to increase their income. Foodbanks are for those in genuine dire need.

He doesn't work 27 hours. He works about 35. Which is full time. Hth.

Dh works sat 8-6, sun 9-4, Mon 8-6 and tues 8-6.

Try adding those hours up again.

Considering the wtd suggests people shouldn't work more than 48 hours, most people do not work 50 hours.

God you must have been the school bully who has never grown up. No right minded adult acts like this.

Ok, our situation is different, in that we don't need to go to a foodbank and we have had help from family - but DH's family don't know that my family have helped out and vice versa. It's not discussed.

We're in the situation where DH is very limited in his working hours because of caring for our son - it's not always possible to work more, we're lucky if DH earns enough to cover his own outgoings (car loan etc and he's in his overdraft), while I can just about cover everything else. If DH worked out of the house and had a regular wage I wouldn't be able to work as I'd have to care for DS.

Not saying they should, but if your family can't afford bread - do what you have to do is all I'm saying and that's apparently controversial.

He could even ride for Uber if they have a suitable care in his spare time.

The problem with MN is anyone with solutions is shut down as being mean spirited and goady, but people prefer to come on here and whine and get sympathy than improve their situations.

Not referring to OP as she has legitimate reasons for not being able to work much and her family are being mean spirited for no reason, but perhaps they think the OH should step up more and therefore choose not to help out

reported spring aswel

think some people should look at themselves

Why are you so shocked that people are reasonably questioning why dh is only working the bare minimum? He is a healthy, fit man.