For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

[Notaskingmuch]

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

Who looks after the children? He works 4 days, 3 of them from 8 am to 6 pm and then home to support his sick wife, then 3 days when he is the SAHP while his wife is at work. Is he allowed to eat or sleep on your schedule?

Whether if they were completely different people they would be able to help you, is irrelevant because they aren't and won't. I would just say to the person you don't have that sort of relationship with them.

A foodbank is only intended to be very short term though.

If you've had your health issues for more than 6 months, it's worth you trying to claim PIP @Notaskingmuch

You've read that the OP has health issues, yes?

Well it varies, my DIL worked condensed hours over 4 days when GC were younger, DS was fulltime. By the time they paid nursery for 2 children it wasn't really worth DIL working, I dropped one day a week and had the children which meant it was worth her working. A lot depends on how much you earn, what childcare is available, how much childcare costs and of course if both partners and fit and well and can work fulltime.

Reported Spring Chicken. Prob best to ignore until MN steps I ( or not).

Speak for yourself. Some of us have this thing called compassion and understanding.

@Prettypaisleyslippers why doesn't your OH work full time? Aren't a certain number of hours free or subsidised for low earners? Can't really understand two adults working PT but then struggling to buy bread...

Your OH should be working more than FT if that's your financial situation frankly, with an evening and/or weekend job some days!

@Notaskingmuch Would your husband working another day make that much negative difference to your health etc? Is he really that helpful? As a lot of husbands tend to be pretty lame going by this site.

I think it would help your wellbeing if you had less financial stress and did not have to use a foodbank etc. So your husband working an extra day might well actually help your health.

Regarding your snarky comments about OP getting support from those not contributing, I've just retired at 70, worked fulltime since I left school at 15, never claimed any benefits, still going to do some hours with previous employer when they need the help, so you know what you can do with your comments.

@Angelik sorry but I find this attitude ridiculous. No one is asking them to work every hour understand, but at least one of them working a full time job is a reasonable ask.

The level of entitlement people have is staggering - someone has to pay for everything, so if you have two children and both work PT that means you want others to pay for you basically.

OP has health issues so fair enough, but her OH should step up!

Reported for what? It’s ridiculous to work part time and then use a high demand food bank!

Then they'd have to pay childcare for 2 kids or OP would need to drop a day. I can't see how that would help. They have maximised how they can both work without having to pay childcare.

I am sick and tired of the entitlement on this thread (and others)

Why don't you read at least the OPs posts? And if you have read them all why don't you go on a course for reading comprehension as you obviously struggle with it? The OP and countless other posters have explained this.

Off you go, then. We’re all sick of you, too.

Do you understand working condensed hours over 4 days, lots of parents do it. This couple doing it means he can work 4 days and she can work 3 (there are only 7 days in a week) and don't have childcare costs.

People talk as if he's do a couple of hours a day. It is getting really boring reading this rubbish.

It's not abuse. It's literally what food banks are for. Since you hate poor people so much, I can't believe you actually donate.

Get a job

@Barbecuebeans I have read them and it's clear why she doesn't work FT, but she has a whole partner. Why can't he work to provide for his family. Sorry but full time is generally 35 hours.

I work about 50 hours and my family have more than enough.

I certainly wouldn't be working 15-20 hours if my wife was unwell and doing what she could and we couldn't afford bread. Maybe that's why OP's family don't help?? Who knows.

I don’t think they do. I don’t think they work either. 😆

This whole thread has become really toxic. OP posted after someone made her feel bad about an already depressing and humiliating situation. Now she is being attacked here as if she is personally responsible for the existence of poverty.

I’m on the train from a meeting.

He's doing more than 35 hours isn't he? Or close to it. He just works condensed hours. Not that unusual.

I don’t hate ‘poor people’. I am not a fan of lazy people sat at home expecting others to pick up the bill. Genuine families in need have my support, feckless lazy men not so much.