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AIBU?

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Original poster

For using a foodbank when my family are relatively well off ?

638 replies

Notaskingmuch · 08/03/2023 05:18

But won’t help me ?

I was told yesterday by someone I know that ‘you know foodbanks are for people with no other choice and no support at all not ones who could get help from family’

The thing is my family WONT help me.

I can’t explain to people my family dynamics, how dm is narcissistic and I’m the scapegoat. How she’s happy to have both my dsis round for regular get together a where they have nice meals or go out to restaurants but I’m not invited , that they get invited round for afternoon tea but I don’t ….etc etc

Once recently when I was desperate I asked could I borrow a few staple food items and got told ‘I don’t have much here sorry’ on another occasion I asked could I borrow £20 to do a basic shop and was told ‘sorry no-you need to support yourself’ (from someone who owns their home outright , has a DP who still works and earns well and who regularly treats her other 2 daughters)

So we use a food bank, well 2 actually as one is church run and unlimited and the other is via a voucher and limited.

i can’t bring myself to have to explain as I’m exhausted and wish she had kept her comment to herself. I can see it looks like somethings off as she knows my family but I just don’t want to be judged she clearly thinks I’m a CF though .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 08/03/2023 12:34

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:29

This is most definitely a dh problem! What kind of healthy man works less than the bare minimum and use foodbanks. Have you challenged your dh on this op?

He cares for the children when the OP needs to go to bed when she's been at work.

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:34

Fgs.

Her mother is not helping out, despite having money. Who does that to their kids??

And she is most likely being racist to her daughter’s husband. The OP has stated that. Disgusting. Yet posters are waxing lyrical about him being a potential drug addict 🤯

How many people really want to go to a food bank. To get given food without much choice in what they are given. Most people want to have enough money to buy stuff from shops themselves.

The OP is trying to get by and has a plan for September. In the meantime she is allowed to feel down about her mother’s racism and her friend’s judgement.

I bet some of the judgers on here are sahms living off their husband’s income and not doing a day’s work themselves. Hypocrites.

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:35

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Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:36

ilovesooty · 08/03/2023 12:34

He cares for the children when the OP needs to go to bed when she's been at work.

Show quote history

That is what child care is for!

ilovesooty · 08/03/2023 12:37

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Her partner is not work shy.

Original poster
Notaskingmuch · 08/03/2023 12:40

Oh a lot of replies I wasn’t expecting so many. I’ll try to read through as on my lunch break but I’ll be back later I haven’t abandoned the thread I’ve just been really busy so I’m not avoiding questions

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 08/03/2023 12:41

has everyone missed the part whereher dm is racist aswell-
she sounds vile op you need to cut her off and tell everyone why-carry on using the food bank your entitled to do so

Somebodiesmother · 08/03/2023 12:42

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:29

This is most definitely a dh problem! What kind of healthy man works less than the bare minimum and use foodbanks. Have you challenged your dh on this op?

The more you post the more obvious it is you are on a wind up and not posting in good faith.

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:42

Snoken · 08/03/2023 11:20

Yea, you probably shouldn't tell people to fuck off. It's a nasty way to speak to someone. All I really said is that they can't afford to both work part time and that they have to work towards supporting themselves as we shouldn't rely on charity to feed our children. It's too unreliable. Fine if it is very short term but in the long run at least one parent has to work full time.

Show quote history

‘Fine if it is very short term but in the long run at least one parent has to work full time.‘

You need to keep up. She has already said they will work more in September so her comments are about the short-term.

Dobby123456 · 08/03/2023 12:44

Unless you are 5 years old your extended family's income is irrelevant. Sure, it kind of sucks that they won't help you, but that's not anybody else's business.

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:45

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 11:46

There is a lot of faux outrage on here.
What is striking are the number of people that feel entitled to ‘not live to work, but work to live’ you are not entitled to anything! Not here and nowhere else in the world. The onus as a fully grown adult capable of reproducing generously is to fund yourself - not expect others to bankroll your existence! Are you actually raising children to expect others to pay their bills and clothe, feed them??

It is one thing falling on hard times and using a food bank of course, that is what they are there for. Quite another to work part time - ge
just because your kids are only young once?! Aren’t everyones! And budget with scarce work hours and factor in the food bank that other people are paying for as part of a long term budget plan!

If the food banks are abused like this, people will just stop donating. I doubt we will want to work exhausting hours to fund people that choose to ‘live their best lives’ on part time hours. There are plenty of jobs that can be done to accommodate health needs. Step up your hours op. Yes people do and will judge because there is no reason why your dp can’t work more hours or take a second job.

The onus as a fully grown adult capable of reproducing generously is to fund yourself - not expect others to bankroll your existence! Are you actually raising children to expect others to pay their bills and clothe, feed them??

‘reproducing generously‘ what does this mean? Having two kids?

‘It is one thing falling on hard times and using a food bank of course, that is what they are there for’

Well she had an accident and fell on hard times. So her food bank use is ok then? You need to and understand read the posts better. Come back when you have done so.

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:46

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Why are you making stuff up?

Theeaglesoared · 08/03/2023 12:47

I would love to hear the OP's mother's side of the story.

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:47

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:42

‘Fine if it is very short term but in the long run at least one parent has to work full time.‘

You need to keep up. She has already said they will work more in September so her comments are about the short-term.

Show quote history

Six months isn’t short term!

Okunevo · 08/03/2023 12:47

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:29

This is most definitely a dh problem! What kind of healthy man works less than the bare minimum and use foodbanks. Have you challenged your dh on this op?

I do still donate to foodbank when I can afford to, but I am a lone parent on £11 an hour myself. When I donate it's because I want to help someone in a worse financial position than me, not someone who could pick up another day's work. I'm starting to question if I should continue donating.

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:47

Theeaglesoared · 08/03/2023 12:47

I would love to hear the OP's mother's side of the story.

Me too

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 08/03/2023 12:49

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:25

It has to be said, why hasn’t op thought of this? How much effort is really going into a self made solution.

I have the greatest compassion for those that work hard and are severely injured, cope with cancer or bereavement that prevent them from support themselves over a period of time. I have no sympathy for lifestyle choices of part time hours!

It’s not cruel to expect people to be responsible for themselves. Jeez if you listened to some on here one could imagine that they expect to live at tax payers expense in the lap of luxury without lifting a finger as a human right!

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I have the greatest compassion for those that work hard and are severely injured, cope with cancer or bereavement that prevent them from support themselves over a period of time. I have no sympathy for lifestyle choices of part time hours!

No you fucking don’t! You know absolutely nothing about the details of why the OP is unable to work, you don’t know what her accident was, and yet you’re making it patently obvious you think she’s a feckless, lazy scrounger.

Go away! I presume you’re your own boss, as if not you employer might be a bit pissed off you’re spending much of your 50-hour week berating a poor woman recovering from an accident, who’s relying on a Foodbank, on Mumsnet.

Guis23 · 08/03/2023 12:49

whynotwhatknot · 08/03/2023 12:41

has everyone missed the part whereher dm is racist aswell-
she sounds vile op you need to cut her off and tell everyone why-carry on using the food bank your entitled to do so

No. OP says thinks she is. It doesn't necessarily make it so.

Allegations are not some sort of truth.

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:49

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ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:49

Theeaglesoared · 08/03/2023 12:47

I would love to hear the OP's mother's side of the story.

I don’t value the opinion of racists. So no thanks.

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:50

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Only someone very unhappy with their job/life posts like you do. I am sorry. What can you do to change things? Retrain? Go part-time?

Somebodiesmother · 08/03/2023 12:51

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Don't lie. You don't donate anything tothe food bank.

ToLongToCharge · 08/03/2023 12:51

Same here
FIL has mega money
Gives loads to partners brother and his family, think 5 bedroom house, 3 cars, lovely life style etc
But we are both on sickness benefit and struggling
The town is very small and everyone presumes we get money off fil but we get nothing

ProposedWarning · 08/03/2023 12:51

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:47

Six months isn’t short term!

Show quote history

It is

Springchicken75 · 08/03/2023 12:52

Op shouldn’t be using food banks when her dh in her own words only works part time! It’s called abusing the system. I am not sure why you are struggling to understand that.

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