To find the suburbs a bit depressing?

[StripeyNighty]

I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I really do always feel depressed when I visit city suburbs that friends and family live in, and they’re spread around the country so I can’t even say it’s one particular place.

We visited some friends at the weekend who have recently moved to the suburbs of a medium sized city. Honestly, after 2 days I felt so depressed, yes the weather wasn’t great which doesn’t help as nowhere looks great in grey, gloomy weather but, as usual, it was just rows and rows and rows of almost identikit housing, interspersed with the odd kebab shop, Tesco express and laundrette.

We took their dog for a walk in their local park on the Saturday, it was heaving, dogs and kids everywhere, we witnessed a fight between 2 dogs and then their owners (though that wasn’t physical thank god) I’m not surprised to be honest as there was just no space for people or dogs to get away from one another. It just felt so busy and oppressive.

The traffic was so heavy all day and night, going in and out of the city. We went out into the city on the Saturday night and had to get taxis anyway as they’re nearly 3 miles out of the city and too cold to walk there and back in the eve.

The house prices in those suburbs are pretty extortionate and friends were sort of bragging that they now live in the area, I made all the right noises as horses for courses, but I just kept thinking how is this worth all that money, everyone on top of each other, no nice scenery or culture and putting up with the traffic and poor air quality and the same 2.4 children, SUV type set up everywhere!

I said to DH on the way home, I feel depressed and he joked ‘you always do when we go to suburbia’ and he’s right. Does anyone else feel that way 😳

There’s always reasons people live why they do.

Maybe they have to commute into the city centre for work and this is the only way they can get a house big enough and keep the commute manageable.

Maybe they have older kids and want to have access to good secondaries or activities that teenagers like without having to drive them all the time.

Maybe they find village/countryside life stifling and twee. And city life cramped and noisy.

Maybe they do loads of day trips at the weekends so want easy access to both the city and the countryside and don’t care so much about their local area, as long as the house itself is nice.

I grew up in West Wickham. I wouldn't say it was a "London suburb", at most it's out on the fringe of Greater London. Yes there were lots of similar houses but from West Wickham it was so quick and easy to be in a green open space - even on foot - it was very close to far less urbanised areas. I think I had the best of both worlds

I don't like them much either, but... with kids there are a lot of advantages if you choose the right one. Good schools, lots of kids their age nearby with streets you wouldn't be too worried about them being out at night. More space than in a city but without hugely long commute times.

They don't tend to have the services I'd really like, but if they're close enough to a decent city centre then that's covered too, though the reliance on cars is a downside.

I think they can be a reasonable compromise for families. Wouldn't want to live there without kids.

I grew up rurally - small village - but with limited car access - would never move smaller than a town and disliked only town rather than city we tried.

In 20s before kids loved city center living.

I did used to dislike many suburbs I encountered - but since kids can see the benefit but we have to pick ones with amenities because we don't drive and are usually walkable distance - even if that 50 minutes - into city center but can also access rural routes fairly quickly.

I don' think we'd even retire to the countryside as so many seem to do - as lack of services would be an obvious issue but I don't think it terrible you dislike suburbs

I hate the cul de sac within a cul de sac within a cul de sac within a cul de sac design, the bus stop being a minimum of 10 to 15 minutes walk away, the shops often being too far away to walk (coz if you buy anything it's too far to walk back,) no nice or decent walks anywhere, (as you can walk for 20 minutes and still be surrounded by houses,) and there's often no secondary school for 2 - 3 miles.

Surely this isn't representative of most suburbs? Or I've never been to a suburb like it.

This sounds semi rural or rural to me and not the suburbs. Sounds lovely btw

I agree, I live in the suburbs not by choice but as it was my only option. I’m depressed, barely leave my flat. There is no where to go. Walk around identical streets and houses or along a main road/the actual motorway! No parks, no shops, no green spaces. Just depressing. I’m desperate to move back to the countryside I grew up in. I feel continually homesick.

Last town - we loved out of the center in suburb and it had bizarre cul de sac into cul de sac design - never seen it elsewhere - endless dead ends or just walk throughs - was bloody odd and wasn't as if kids could paly out as the drivers were just too mad.

We lived on one of the few through roads.

This sounds semi rural or rural to me and not the suburbs. Sounds lovely btw

It is lovely but we're also a suburb. Suburbs vary considerably as others have mentioned.

Mapperly, Nottingham
Burnage, Manchester
West Wickham, London
Harbone, Birmingha

The only one of these I know is West Wickham as I bought an ebay item from there. Travelling through it there were parks & an ok looking high street & I got there by public transport.

I live in a village and it's boring as fuck, I cant wait to move to somewhere more lively

This thread demonstrates that not 100% of MNers “live rurally” as I had previously been led to believe.

Agree it’s the worst of both worlds, usually bland, grey, aesthetically depressing and everywhere the same. Always feel claustrophobic when I stay there and can’t wait to leave. I like city centres with their history, character, culture, interesting buildings and layers of architecture, diverse food and feeling of life and I love the countryside and English villages for their history beautiful old houses and nature nearby. Lived all over now in small rural village village by sea bliss.

I also live in a village. Everyone is miserable and I’m also bored as fuck.

I thought it would be like a Marian Keyes novel, but it’s more like the blank single ruled page at the back of a personal organiser.

And I fucking hate that our only landmark is a bus stop. That is out of use.

I thought it would be like a Marian Keyes novel,

In fairness to Marian Keyes, she doesn't set her books in villages. She grew up in the suburbs (actually just up the top of the very same estate I grew up in), and most of her books are set in the suburbs too, where she still lives. So leave the village and move to south county Dublin .

In reality this is about what most people can afford.

It's not some unique personality trait that you like places with character and interesting architecture and lovely shops and restaurants.

Everyone likes that. Some may prefer it in a buzzy city setting others in a quieter rural setting, but everyone likes nice.

It's just many people can't afford exactly what they want and have to sacrifice some things for more space, a better school or just what they can afford in the area they need to be in.

They may be happy with it because it's their family home and they are very happy just to have a nice family home instead of pining for things they can't have.

I'm not keen on modern estates but I understand why people live there and don't put it down to my puzzling quirk of preferring detached Victorian villas with big gardens.

People have many restrictions on their choices. If you've always been able to live in places and houses you love, you are very very lucky rather than more specially sensitive to loveliness.

People have many restrictions on their choices. If you've always been able to live in places and houses you love, you are very very lucky rather than more specially sensitive to loveliness.

Bang on!

Och that was amusingly well written but I feel for you

Spot on, @BeatricePortinari .
As I said upthread, some of us would feel uncomfortable in a village for all sorts of reasons.

This really really depends on the suburb. I lived for a while in summertown, Oxford- I guess it would count as a suburb but was exceptionally pleasant , lots of quite varied housing in size and style and even had an M&S food hall and 10 minutes into the city- whereas if you put me say in Brislington or Filton (Bristol) yep- it depresses me .

But I’ve lived in cities, towns and villages, I’ve been happy in all. The two towns I’ve lived in haven’t even been that nice, and they’ve been obviously built up and populated. The city, I lived in a tiny flat, covered in mould in a not particularly desirable area, but again, I didn’t feel depressed for some reason.

And again, as I’ve stated, friend’s houses in the suburbs cost more than my current house so whilst I agree that it’s people living in different areas is sometimes down to economical factors, but not always, it isn’t for my friends, they just love the suburbs.

I don’t think Mapperley Nottingham qualifies as a suburb exactly does it? It’s very close to town!

I would love to live there. Worked there ages ago and it was wonderful with lovely people. I love those types that are more connected to cities than the ones connected to towns. It’s almost the best of both worlds, close to the city centre without having to live in the more congested parts and within walking distance to different activities without needing a taxi.

Is West Wickham the same place as West Wycombe?

I agree, OP. We chose a village over a suburb.