DH and his big washing day…

[99problemsincludinghavingteenagedaughters]

Family of 5 for context.

DH doesn’t often do a wash (unless he needs something specific for work) that’s my department, no moans on this as DH does other stuff and with 3 DD’s has no idea what belongs to who.

DH does sometimes have a flurry of excitement that he must take over the washing and prove that it’s not as hard as it looks and insists that he is being very helpful.

Yesterdays flurry came off the back of our tumble dryer not working and quite a back log of washing to get through and a work day at home for him.

Credit where credits due he did get the tumble dryer working and I left for work with with his 1st load on…

Skip 8 hours to me getting back from work and I came back to what can only be described as an old laundry, there were clothes everywhere, on radiators (fine) on back of chairs, up the bannisters, over the top of drawers, and doors we also discovered that DH isn’t particularly good at telling the difference from loads that are dry or damp and had piles of clothes everywhere from the tumble dryer. I bit my tongue though even when DD1 moaned about all her damp Nike socks and DH told her to hang around her bunk bed!!

It came to a head this morning when DH obviously very delighted with his successful washing day (as I couldn’t find a fucking thing and had girls moaning that all their tights were damp and found my makeup bag under a dumped white wash on the floor) asked if I had any dark things as he was putting on another wash before we left for work and I truly lost my shit with him.

Apparently the way I wash isn’t fast enough his way is much better and I should be grateful.

AIBU to think what he is is doing is not “doing a wash” putting it in the machine and half drying it and leaving it in mixed damp piles all over the house for me to sort is not at all fucking helpful and further more illogical as most of it will end up smelling and need to be rewashed.

My husband is a all or nothing kind of person too. Which worked for us as I Jeep on top of things throughout the week as im home more and he does a deep clean of the house and all the laundry on the weekend.

I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THEY DO THIS.

ex used to leave baskets of humungously crumpled washing (because he also over-loaded the machines) in baskets just hanging around, best case scenario was they were out of the tumble dryer, but often they were just damp from the washer.

Now, I'm not perfect, I do leave baskets of clean washing on the side sometimes when I'm trying to power through and didn't have time to fold, but 1) they're in a basket, on the side/in a bedroom, not randomly left somewhere and 2) they're dry, and not compacted so tightly that they're irredemably creased, and 3) I'm the one that's going to fold and put them away at some point anyway, so I'm not making work for anyone else.

Damp stinky washing is only second to baking with a toddler in terms of household horror, IMO. I will admit that I'm a Washing Day person, rather than little and often, but I don't have a man in the house to mansplain to me that I'm doing it wrong, and I have several drying contraptions and a well worn routine that works for me to get it all done and dry and away!

If he'd got the tumble dryer working, why wasn't he using it?

Hanging wet washing everywhere indoors is asking for damp and mould.

"the point being that OP neither asked nor wanted (?) him to do it. And it is typical that some posters thing we should be pathetically grateful for a half-arsed job when A Man (Behold!) does it."

OP said she was behind on the washing (normally her "thing). Maybe her OH was fed up with no clean clothes/ mounds of dirty clothes and thought he would do soemthing about it. Which he is allowed to do given -as you allude to - they are both adults in the same household and therefore both responsible for getting stuff done. I am not saying OP should be grateful, but I personally would have been more annoyed if my DH had moaned about it to me. I would probably have said, "why don't you do it then". Which is exactly what OP's DH did.

Ha ha ha. So glad mine doesn't do the washing.
However DS reprograms the washing machine to only do one rinse and has learnt the right way to segregate loads and hang them up etc. I hope his wife will be pleased.

And yet if he did nothing, everyone would be up in arms too...
To say men have it hard and can't win is sometimes eerily accurate on here!

I am not saying OP should be grateful, but I personally would have been more annoyed if my DH had moaned about it to me. I would probably have said, "why don't you do it then". Which is exactly what OP's DH did.

But the point is he didn't - what he did was get all the washing in the house washed, then just left it damp everywhere - that's not 'doing the washing' that's 1/3rd doing the washing at best.

Yep, DH has form for this. Typically ends up as more work for me than if he’d just left it and gone and done something ‘useful’ in the garage.

It is so depressing that my gut reaction is "be happy your dh actually does any washing". My current dp just does it like a normal human, but my exh literally did not put on a single wash after the kids were born, i.e. for 15 years until we divorced.
Sorry OP, it is low expectations such as mine that lead to your dp's efforts being so poor.

He did do it. Just not to OP's liking. It sounds like he had planned to continue today. He can't really help that the clothes don't dry as quick as OP would like. So yes, his method wasn't the more efficient, and he shouldn't be putting away damp clothes. But other than that I don't actually see what the issue is. In a way it's better to get it all done at once, even if that means a day or two of launderette vibes, than having piles of dirty laundry around for weeks and never being able to find a pair of clean pants in the morning.

It sounds like you wash one load and then put it in the tumble dryer before washing another load.
Then because the tumble dryer has packed up you don’t do any washing - I think that’s madness!

Surely you don’t need to use the tumble dryer every time you do washing?
It must cost you an absolute fortunate and it’s pointless if it air dries.

Your DH had the right idea - wash it and hang it up to dry in various places (don’t most people do this??).
But his mistake was washing too much and then running out of room to put it all.

You both have good ideas and bad ideas.

You should use the tumble dryer less and hang the clothes up to dry and he should do less washing whilst the other clothes are drying.

I’m confused why the girls are moaning about their damp socks though.
They wouldn’t have been able to wear them anyway because they were dirty.
They just need to hang them up and they’ll be dry in a day.

DP does all the washing here since I had PGP on pregnancy and couldn’t manage it; he does an insane job of it, like your DH, but I am just biting my tongue and refusing to get involved because it’s a laundry load off my plate, frankly.

His maddest trick is sorting a dry load – we generally do this on the bed as it’s a super king so can just stand there and make piles of DD, DP, me, baby, linen cupboard, “downstairs stuff” (eg teatowels). Pick up a pile and put it away. The piles he comes up with are genuinely insane. Stuff goes EVERYWHERE. No logic whatsoever, takes a fucking age, ALL the clothes horses come out and get tangled up, six or seven bags for life are involved, a two-hour break to disappear to his office and fuck about downloading music illegally followed by a lengthy poo break, all my knickers stuffed in a random drawer, socks strewn like confetti. A 20-minute task becomes a tornado, and he never makes the bed first so piles all fall every which way and you end up finding DD’s socks or the baby’s vests in the bed for weeks.

dh likes to hang clothes in random places to dry when he does a wash and runs of out space on the airers, but I must say I am impressed the tops of your doors are clean enough to hang washing over!

if my DH had moaned about it to me. I would probably have said, "why don't you do it then". Which is exactly what OP's DH did.

the point is that he didn't do it to the end. And now they have a big mess.
Fine for him to do it, have at it, but don't do a shit job and leave everyone with damp clothes and then moan when you're not praised to high heavens for doing a shit job.

I’m your DH. I am aware I’m annoying 😂 I just get this little voice sometimes that says “you’re not doing enough! He must resent you!” (Not true, I do plenty other things and he is happily the king of the washing realm) so I hung six loads on back-to-back, have to hang them all over the house, then when they’re dry I put them all in a couple of big IKEA bags which I fully intend to fold… but usually don’t. It’s a cycle that repeats about twice a year.

*bung

He did do it. Just not to OP's liking.

i don't know, @whatadayforadaydream - is your idea of the washing being "done" that it is still damp? are you OPs husband?

Get a Sheila Maid if you can ! All your problems solved.
This would drive me crazy, esp the mismatched piles.

sheilamaid.com

Damp smelling clothes are vile and get worse as the day goes on and you wear them. I have to move away from people who smell damp. Your house would be saturated unless you we’re running a dehumidifier. Like 3L of water per wash in the air

I brought 2 tall airers for washing mania as tbh I tend to try and do all the washing in one day on a weekend if it's built up massively (also 5 of us) between the tumble drier and 2 airers I can squally get everything dry

Your title sounds like a comedy sketch!

All so true. "It can't be that hard, it's just bunging some clothes in a machine". Then:
Does this go in the wash?
Does that go in the wash?
Does this go in with that in the wash?
What temperature should it go on?
What spin speed should it go on?
Which side does the powder go in?
Which side does the softener go in?
Do you just close the door and it works?
Why isn't it starting?
Why isn't the door opening?

He wants a medal after dealing with the wash, but when I do it, it's just "bunging clothes in a machine". OK it's not rocket science, but there's such a meal made of it when he does it.

Funnily enough when I was in hospital for four days and then laid up for a week afterwards, he managed multiple washes just fine by himself. But if I'm around it's 20 questions every time.

I assume it was still drying? If not, as I said he shouldn't have put it away damp. Tell him to sort it out rather than say he should not get involved.

I am not OP's husband no. But I am fed up with threads like this moaning that men don't do the housework or child rearing exactly to their wives standards and therefore a useless and need to stay away. No wonder men are culturally incompetent at housework, when they do give it a go they get shot down and told to return to the garage 🙄 The women who take that stance are contributing just as much to sexism and gender inequality as the men who won't do the washing/ look after the kids/ do the cooking becasue it's a woman's job.

We have got baskets now for each family member so theor clean clothes go into that

I think you need to start calling him Mrs Tiggywinkle.