New job - feeling a bit shocked by something that happened

[bagpuss90]

Sorry me again 🙄I’m semi retired , I started a new part time job today. Everyone was lovely, very helpful and friendly . I’ve no complaints at all. However I overheard some of the staff laughing about one of their colleagues who I gathered was off work with stress and anxiety. Two of them were mimicking their colleague having a panic attack and hyper ventilating. Obviously I don’t know the back story and I’ve obviously never met their colleague - but AIBU to be a bit shocked by this. I’ve suffered panic attacks myself -though thankfully not for years . But I know how debilitating they can be. I just thought it was really cruel and unkind. It’s put me off the job tbh though otherwise I did enjoy the day

Not sure what cesspits you've worked in to find this a bit of a joke, but to all of us who've worked in a professional environment with a competent HR department, this isn't anywhere near the norm.

It is in my experience, they probably just know you’re not the sort of person they can do dark
humour around.

Not normal anywhere I've worked in over 20 years.

@Moonicorn would you expect people to laugh about a colleague having a physical health issue? I'd not, why would you think it's ok to poke fun at mental health?

It is in my experience, they probably just know you’re not the sort of person they can do dark
humour around I just can't take your experience seriously. I'm assuming you're well over middle age, as your views and perceptions of what is normal in the workplace just isn't on par with what is acceptable these days. Maybe you and your cronies were huddled together making jokes about people with mental health/physical health problems under the guise of "dark humour" perhaps sprinkled with a good old bit of racism and homophobia too, as it's all game, right? What is acceptable to you in your own head or your own space is up to you. The workplace is a different story. You are either being deliberately obtuse or are so out of touch with the modern workplace, that I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.

In my old workplace they would do this because they all thought she was faking it.

While she was off on long term sick leave, we had a team dinner in a pub, and she was there having a good time.

I personally wouldn't ignore it, otherwise where does it stop? If a colleague suffered from a stutter or was losing their hair through cancer treatment no-one knew about, would that be ok too?
I'd remind them that to laugh and mimic other people's misfortunes, is way out of line.

Would it be funny if they were talking about you or anyone in your family in that manner, mimicking their disability and laughing about it?
How about if it was dwarfism or an individual with disabilities such as Rosie Jones?
I have nothing but contempt for individuals who make a mockery of other's misfortune, whether in earshot of that person or not.

That's absolutely disgusting.

My brother has severe OCD and anxiety and has had to take a few leaves from work to get help. He was very close to suicide. His nonstop intrusive OCD/anxiety thoughts are relentless and he's said every day is a living hell. What kind of piece of shit makes fun of people who are suffering?

I manage a small team and if I ever overheard something like that, those employees would need to seek new employment.

It's disgusting to mock someone's health, physical or mental.
Many years ago, I worked in an office of a warehouse which employed several hundred employee's.
There were three other women worked in the office.
We used to use a tannoy to call staff members in the warehouse.
One day, I had gone to the warehouse for something and the women in the office discussed the rape of one of the female warehouse staff.
Then they were absolutely vile in this females character assassination.
Except they had accidentally left the tannoy on so everyone in that place heard everything.
An hour later, there was only me left working in that office as they were quite rightly frogmarched out of the door by security.
Despicable women.

YANBU that's just awful, but then lots of people sadly never grow up or have empathy.

That behaviour isn't acceptable either and will need to be challenged, nit suggesting you do it as you've just started, but don't walk by, let someone know eg HR.

It wouldn't cause me to leave the job and I wouldn't raise it as an issue.

However, I'd keep those people at arms length while being polite and friendly. I'd also never mention any negative aspects of my health to them.

God this makes me angry, as a mental health practitioner I feel very strongly that this is not ok. It is discrimination. This type of behaviour perpetuates mental health problems. No wonder the woman is off on the sick if these are the kind of people she's working with - sounds like a very cliquey closed culture lacking emotional maturity and support.

Perhaps the person whos off sick has form for not being ill at all. Fake mental health issues are, unfortunately, the go to malady for some people!! This I have seen happen in a workplace. Ifnot then this truly is disgusting behaviour from grown adults.

That’s horrible cruel and nasty shame on them

There's quite a few people on here
Talking about people faking mental
Health issues.

What a horrible thing to say/think.

Just how mentally Ill would someone have to be to pretend to be mentally ill.

Give your heads a wobble.

Mental illness is debilitating &'no being in a pub or seen out & about does not mean your ok. You're free to leave at anytime or you can assure yourself your with people who make you feel safe or maybe friends have dragged you out to stop suicidal thoughts etc

So glad the majority of posters have commented op on how awful & abnormal
This is. Report & leave if you can

I don't think anyone is saying this is acceptable behaviour. Yes, report it. But why are so many telling the OP to leave her job? If she does leave and gets a new job, then someone says something obnoxious in the new job - does she leave that one too? There are obnoxious people everywhere. You can't keep leaving jobs. (For one thing it will look terrible on your CV, and what reason will you put for leaving?)

Well they sound lovely don’t they - yes I’d leave and tell my boss why !

As an experienced mental health practitioner working with complexity, I'd like to state categorically that someone who is in a pub/restaurant/other venue can also be extremely mentally unwell. There can be a huge degree of risk that is not seen.

Really not OK - my workplace is very conscious and respectful on mental health issues.

I'm signed off with work stress and anxiety.

It absolutely is because of the work environment. I've no doubt this is exactly what my colleagues are saying about me.

I no longer give a fuck.

Nor do I give a fuck if they think I'm 'having it on'. I'm several months in and have never been so fucking ill with it in my life. They shredded my self esteem to nothing. I was having panic attacks in my sleep. Dreaming (read:nightmares) about work. A CBT course my GP has given me to do actively encourages you to get out and about (if you can) and do things you enjoy.

If you see someone who is signed off work with mental health problems, out and about, it's actually part of the treatment ffs. They are probably not enjoying any of it, and struggling through it masking symptoms like they were in the workplace every day for weeks/months before finally breaking.

They've shown you who they are OP. Now you know. Be careful, but try to enjoy the job regardless, if you can. Report it if you feel able. Like another poster mentioned, maybe this type of behaviour had contributed and/or led up to this persons illness. Bullies who bully behind peoples back get bolder and bolder with it. Doing it in front of a new start (when everyone is usually careful/on best behavioiur) shows how brazen they are about it. And it's still bullying, whether the person on the receiving end was there to hear it or not.

Just to add, mental health issues severe enough to be signed off for a long period of time are quite likely to fall under the equality act as a disability.

These bullies need to be very careful.

@PotatoScollop Thank you for saying this. I've been putting up with bullying at work for years from one person, and have resisted being signed off with the mental health toll it's taken, but am so broken by it all now I think it's a route I need to consider. It's literally ruined my life.

@namchangeanxious I am so sorry you are going through this. It absolutely does break a person. There are better times ahead, I promise. Your health is the most important thing. Taking time for you to rest, and recover, is the most important thing. In this day and age, we are programmed to feel guilty and like we are doing something wrong, to have time off from work for ill health, dare we go outside and do anything not work related when off sick. Being cooped up inside when you have mental health problems is not good for you, so if you do take some time off, don't be afraid to do anything outside that helps make you feel better, when the time comes.

I'm not a medical professional but it certainly sounds to me, as a fellow sufferer, that you need time away from this work situation to rest, recover, and when ready, evaluate and deal with what has been happening to you at work. I daresay at the moment, you are not strong enough to deal with the workplace problems and need to rest and recoup first, after being strong for years.

Please speak to your GP, and when you are ready, CAB or a union about what has been done to you. You are not alone <3 Take some time for you, and don't you feel an ounce of guilt about it. I hope you start to feel better as soon as possible. x

@PotatoScollop Thank you, your words mean a lot. I have a GP app this week and am going to speak to my union once my head is a bit clearer. I just worry so much about the future if I leave this job, but don't see a way I can continue working there while he is still there, even if he does get a slap on the wrist. And I work with so many lovely people too which makes it harder to walk away. I think because it's been going on for years (like, not just a couple of years but I'm too embarrassed to admit how long) I'm so angry with myself for letting it happen and continue, and for tolerating it being played down by my boss with repeated gaslighting whenever I've put a complaint in.

Thankfully my work is based in a different city so I wouldn't need to worry about any colleagues seeing me if I went outside if I took sick leave.