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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job - feeling a bit shocked by something that happened

224 replies

bagpuss90 · 06/03/2023 19:27

Sorry me again 🙄I’m semi retired , I started a new part time job today. Everyone was lovely, very helpful and friendly . I’ve no complaints at all. However I overheard some of the staff laughing about one of their colleagues who I gathered was off work with stress and anxiety. Two of them were mimicking their colleague having a panic attack and hyper ventilating. Obviously I don’t know the back story and I’ve obviously never met their colleague - but AIBU to be a bit shocked by this. I’ve suffered panic attacks myself -though thankfully not for years . But I know how debilitating they can be. I just thought it was really cruel and unkind. It’s put me off the job tbh though otherwise I did enjoy the day

OP posts:
Sparklybutold · 06/03/2023 23:41

@bagpuss90

I'd be keeping a record of stuff like this. IME - staff like this tend to be the ones creating a toxic work environment. When you have check ins with hr, might be worth having if the issue persists (likely will)

inadarkdarkhouseinadarkdarkstreet · 06/03/2023 23:43

Like others have said I would be wary of them. It may that they are primary cause of the persons stress and anxiety!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/03/2023 23:47

There are bitchy and intolerant people everywhere. However in most workplaces I don’t think it is the norm for EVERYONE to be like that. Most of the nasty unkind types at least have the decency to whisper in a corner with the other nasty types, because deep down they know it would be frowned on. The fact they do it anyway just shows what horrible people they are. If they do it clearly within earshot of you I would shame them a bit by just saying “it’s probably not something she can help. You don’t know what trauma she has had in her life to induce that type of uncontrollable behaviour, poor thing.”

I would just generally try and avoid those particular people. Or at least deal with them only on a basic professional level day to day and never tell them anything in confidence. Never show them your vulnerability. Never ask their advice with anything that could show you in a bad light. And never tell them anything about another colleague which could feed their need to gossip and be nasty about them behind their back.

just generally put them in the bracket of “these people are not like me”.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 06/03/2023 23:55

So it’s recruitment in care (yep!) I certainly wasn’t eavesdropping-it was impossible not to hear. I’ve not been bitchy about it- I was just shocked that’s all

OP posts:
Original poster
bagpuss90 · 06/03/2023 23:56

And yes it certainly put me on my guard

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 06/03/2023 23:58

LOL at all the "Leave your job now!!" people on here.

There are less-than-delightful people in every workplace. Keep your distance from these people in the future.

If they were mimicking the person, that strongly suggests that they saw the panic attack in question. So this incident does not necessarily imply that the company has a policy of blabbing about employees' medical details.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/03/2023 23:58

So it’s a care agency? Hmmm…. I wouldn’t expect or want people in a caring role (directly caring or otherwise) to behave in a bitchy fashion. It just shows an unkind nature. If they are actual carers caring for vulnerable people I would question their personality type and if they are suited to the role. It would put me off that workplace, actually, yes.

Deathbyfluffy · 07/03/2023 00:06

ilovesooty · 06/03/2023 20:29

I'm asking for clarification of your personal opinion.

I don't expect to be the focus of insult from you for asking.

Show quote history

Save your breath - you’ll never get sensible answers out of posters like that.
They're clearly just being outlandish for attention

saraclara · 07/03/2023 00:24

FurElise · 06/03/2023 20:11

I probably wouldn't judge them on this alone - you don't know the back story and maybe this sick colleague is one of those we've all worked with who've faked had every illness going and had time off for the death of 13 grandparents and counting. You said they were all lovely so maybe give them the benefit of the doubt but absolutely not ok if they're taking the piss out of genuine illness (MH related or otherwise).

I would. Its natural to get frustrated if you're covering the work of someone who's off a lot. But mocking them having a panic attack and actually impersonating them doing so? That's absolutely beyond the pale, and if any of my colleagues had done that, is absolutely pull them up on it. Though obviously it's not something that I'd feel able to do on my first day.

peonybeau · 07/03/2023 02:13

Not normal in my workplace and pleased to say that type of ignorance would be dealt with swiftly and seriously.

Definitely a red flag @bagpuss90 I'm sorry you witnessed that.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2023 08:44

Deathbyfluffy · 07/03/2023 00:06

Save your breath - you’ll never get sensible answers out of posters like that.
They're clearly just being outlandish for attention

Show quote history

Good point. Especially when they're the "I call a spade a fucking shovel and I'm proud of it" types.

MrsMcisaCt · 07/03/2023 09:14

For those of you saying the OP should leave her job because of this, I'd love to know where you think she could find a job where this kind of thing doesn't happen. Where are these magical places? Everywhere I've been there are people like this. I worked in a school where the headteacher was the biggest bully there, I've worked in nurseries where colleagues are mocked behind their backs for their accents, looks, personality etc. I've just dropped my child at school and two mums were laughing about another mum's homemade birthday cake and how rubbish it was. Most people are f-ing arseholes really, aren't they? I can only imagine OP is either very young or has lived a very sheltered life. As long as you don't join in, and call it out when you can, you just have to accept it as part of life.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2023 09:27

MrsMcisaCt · 07/03/2023 09:14

For those of you saying the OP should leave her job because of this, I'd love to know where you think she could find a job where this kind of thing doesn't happen. Where are these magical places? Everywhere I've been there are people like this. I worked in a school where the headteacher was the biggest bully there, I've worked in nurseries where colleagues are mocked behind their backs for their accents, looks, personality etc. I've just dropped my child at school and two mums were laughing about another mum's homemade birthday cake and how rubbish it was. Most people are f-ing arseholes really, aren't they? I can only imagine OP is either very young or has lived a very sheltered life. As long as you don't join in, and call it out when you can, you just have to accept it as part of life.

It wouldn't have been tolerated in my last workplace and several people have said the same.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2023 09:28

And school mums aren't employees.

MrsMcisaCt · 07/03/2023 09:31

ilovesooty · 07/03/2023 09:28

And school mums aren't employees.

No I know that. Just giving an example that this is how people behave everywhere. I'm glad it wouldn't be tolerated where you work. For me, it's been something I've had in every workplace and has never been taken seriously by management.

Whataretheyfeedingyou · 07/03/2023 09:39

Notimeforaname · 06/03/2023 22:39

People are dicks. But I wouldn't be leaving my job every time I came in contact with one.

This.

GreyGoose1980 · 07/03/2023 09:49

In most places I’ve worked colleagues having a moan about someone else being off sick with stress, particularly if they themselves had been allocated that person’s work and were finding it tough, is not unusual. I’m not saying it’s acceptable but I wouldn’t be shocked by moaning. What is unusual is mimicking the person’s mental health issues, that would set alarm bells off for me that these two were bullies.

NurseryNurse10 · 07/03/2023 10:05

In a nursery environment I can see this happening.
Poor lady who they were gossiping about 😔

stinkfaceison · 07/03/2023 10:11

Worked with these types before . Interestingly if you do it back to them all hell breaks loose .

ilovesooty · 07/03/2023 10:26

GreyGoose1980 · 07/03/2023 09:49

In most places I’ve worked colleagues having a moan about someone else being off sick with stress, particularly if they themselves had been allocated that person’s work and were finding it tough, is not unusual. I’m not saying it’s acceptable but I wouldn’t be shocked by moaning. What is unusual is mimicking the person’s mental health issues, that would set alarm bells off for me that these two were bullies.

Yes, there's a world of difference between expressing frustration and calculated mocking.

Lookingoutside · 07/03/2023 10:51

MrsMcisaCt · 07/03/2023 09:31

No I know that. Just giving an example that this is how people behave everywhere. I'm glad it wouldn't be tolerated where you work. For me, it's been something I've had in every workplace and has never been taken seriously by management.

Show quote history

People do not behave like this everywhere. If they did people would be constantly being dismissed on the grounds of gross misconduct.

But yes, this type of behaviour tends to be rife in schools, nurseries and care. Workplaces which do not tolerate it are not ‘magical’, they just have good policies and tend to make sure staff are aware of what is and isn’t acceptable and what the potential penalties are.

Usually through training and awareness raising most people will come to understand that their actions and behaviour must meet a certain threshold while at work. I am afraid that some people do need to be taught what the definition of bullying is. I’m sorry your managers have all been so idiotic. That really isn’t fair.

HuggingtheHRT · 07/03/2023 13:14

Not normal. Hugely unprofessional. I wouldn't want to work with people who behave like that....

exaltedwombat · 07/03/2023 17:47

>Obviously I don’t know the back story and I’ve obviously never met their colleague

Hang on to that idea. Everything else is supposition.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 07/03/2023 17:57

Not something that would happen openly where I’ve ever worked

Emmamoo89 · 07/03/2023 17:58

Yanbu x