New job - feeling a bit shocked by something that happened

[bagpuss90]

Sorry me again 🙄I’m semi retired , I started a new part time job today. Everyone was lovely, very helpful and friendly . I’ve no complaints at all. However I overheard some of the staff laughing about one of their colleagues who I gathered was off work with stress and anxiety. Two of them were mimicking their colleague having a panic attack and hyper ventilating. Obviously I don’t know the back story and I’ve obviously never met their colleague - but AIBU to be a bit shocked by this. I’ve suffered panic attacks myself -though thankfully not for years . But I know how debilitating they can be. I just thought it was really cruel and unkind. It’s put me off the job tbh though otherwise I did enjoy the day

Definitely not normal in my work. One of my colleagues is off on long term sick at the moment. We bought her a card and some flowers and every now and again we get an update as to when we might expect her back. It's been 3 months and I still have no idea what is wrong with her. Which is fine. It's not my business.

Sadly common and 'down played'/normalised from experience.

I once worked in a really shit toxic backstabby office and I can't even imagine this happening there let alone a normal workplace. If everyone else acted as though this was normal I'd be looking for a new new job, this does not bode well.

It shouldn't be!

It's disgusting, ableist and bullying.

So it's your first day at a job, you admit you only overheard so do not have a full picture or know any of the back story and the first thing you do is bitch about them yourself on SM/MN mmmm.

Hope your not the person who started today at my place. 🤔

Very unprofessional and unkind of them.

At least you've seen this side of them, so you know not to become friendly with them.

Let's hope they never experience panic attacks....or on the other hand 🤔

Crikey, I can't imagine my colleagues ever behaving like that!

What back story would there be that would make mocking someone having a panic attack ok?

Dreadful behaviour. Don't really think whether it's normal or not is the issue here. It's not acceptable or kind.

Why? Are you someone who discusses sick colleagues like that?

This is good advice. Sensible approach.

As someone with ptsd and has sadly had episodes at work I am neither shocked nor surprised. I try to keep my mental health on the wraps because I expect to be mocked if they find out. No one cares about mental health. I’m not saying this to mope, have a pity party or to make anyone feel bad. It’s just simply reality and it won’t change.

You can’t force human nature to change that’s just how it is. The only thing we can change for the better is ourselves as individuals. I just focus on myself and improving my health everyday to try and prevent it and do better. I would never mock someone going through a mental health issue. However tick tock and the internet are making it worse for us because it’s trendy to have a fake condition for internet points.

So things are definitely not going to get better for people like me when people are pretending to have conditions completely out of our control. The fakers can stop as soon as it becomes uncool or once they realize how embarrassing it is to take their problems. But people like me don’t get to make it go away when it starts to become unpopular.

I worked with someone like this too. Exhausting. We didn't mock because we're not idiots but there was much resentment of having to save her arse and carry the workload constantly.

FIRST THEY CAME – BY PASTOR MARTIN NIEMÖLLER

First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me.

I try to remember this when I need to know when it’s time to speak up or move away from a group.

It’s shit, isn’t it? I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2003, I hadn’t even heard of it before. It’s wrecked most of my life. It’s infuriating when people diagnose themselves after taking an internet quiz, when I spent 9 months in a psych unit being fed drugs, wanting to die.

Sadly my current workplace is like this. After 8 years of an amazing team where my boss and I managed to sensitively support a suicidal member of the team to return to work and thrive, this behaviour disgusts me. I’m looking to leave.

Yes do tell @Sockloon

They’d come down on them like a ton of bricks in our office if that was seen.

One where someone always fakes things? I've worked with people like this before (who have been caught out for lying) so I wouldn't be making assumptions on my first day. The mocking was unnecessary and immature, but it sounds like OP overheard that so it's not like they were doing it openly. I find it hard to believe that no one has ever spoken badly about a colleague

That wouldn't be tolerated where I work. Unprofessional and ugly behaviour. But at least you know not to trust these people with anything personal so at least you have the measure of them early on. Whether you stay in the job can be decided when you've found how representative of the culture this is.

It isn’t in mine either.

OP people can be incredibly thick. Keep
away from them and focus on the other people you met today.

There was no ‘bitching’.

Disciplinary offence in my team.

Yes it’s a plague on my life and I wish for it to go away. I remember obsessing over finding a cure. Now I’ve been in the acceptance phase for the last couple of years but sometimes I still cry when I’m having a really bad day.

I will probably have ptsd for the rest of my life. So angry that there are people that like to pretend they have the condition that makes my marriage and entire life 5 times the effort. And that’s being generous.

Well, if you were taking the piss out of a colleague with mental health struggles then I don't care what the back story is.

OP, I have worked in places like that and it actually made me depressed. I now work somewhere lovely with kind, mature colleagues (despite some of them being young. I mean emotionally mature). I wouldn't stay more than a year but it can initially be shocking. Sometimes people claim it's because the environment I work in is mainly women so 'it will be bitchy' but that's not true, as I've now discovered. I can't imagine leaving where I work now and it's 💯 down to my colleagues.