New job - feeling a bit shocked by something that happened

[bagpuss90]

Sorry me again 🙄I’m semi retired , I started a new part time job today. Everyone was lovely, very helpful and friendly . I’ve no complaints at all. However I overheard some of the staff laughing about one of their colleagues who I gathered was off work with stress and anxiety. Two of them were mimicking their colleague having a panic attack and hyper ventilating. Obviously I don’t know the back story and I’ve obviously never met their colleague - but AIBU to be a bit shocked by this. I’ve suffered panic attacks myself -though thankfully not for years . But I know how debilitating they can be. I just thought it was really cruel and unkind. It’s put me off the job tbh though otherwise I did enjoy the day

Not normal.

At least you know early on who to avoid….

Definitely not normal where I work. I’d be mortified having witnessed it, and would just fear what was being said about me when I was vulnerable or ill.

Nasty people, I’d keep my distance, but I probably wouldn’t be brave enough to call them out on it.

Definitely ‘top down’ in my experience.

People discover what’s acceptable quite quickly in any group or work culture.

Don’t stay too long once you’ve been there long enough to get a reference. Tell them why you’re leaving at exit interview would be my advice.

Sympathy as I’d hate to witness what you did today. I’d feel implicated just be being there

There could be reasons as to why they are doing this, like they think the person isn't being genuine. It does sound cruel but there is a lot of back stabbing and gossiping in the work place especially ones where a majority are women.
I've been bullied myself in the workplace on more than one occasion.
Maybe ask them why they are being so critical and see what response you get

It shocks me coming from adults tbh.

Normal for some people (usually the ones with their own issues) thankfully not normal for most. I probably wouldn’t say anything in the first week or so but would definitely avoid people like this. Once you are more settled you can challenge this kind of behaviour as you will then have a better idea of whether it is a company culture (leave the organisation for a kinder environment) or a few bad eggs. Hopefully the latter and you will enjoy your job whilst ignoring/ challenging/ educating the people who are mean gossips.
Unfortunately there are people like that everywhere but that is definitely not acceptable in any workplace or any space. Horrible behaviour.
There may also be a back story - I have heard gossip occasionally which sounds mean but then recognise that the subject of gossip can occasionally be the issue. Something to consider.

It sounds like mental health discrimination to me. Imagine if they had been impersonating a physically disabled person! I don’t think they should be allowed to get away with it

They sound like dicks. I would reserve judgement though until I'd met this other colleague.

That’s awful - what a horrible thing to have to listen to. I have heard snidey, stupid things said in previous jobs about people with mental health issues (once when I was working in a wellbeing team, no less!) so am well aware these attitudes persist unfortunately.

It depends how much it has upset you but a conversation with management might be in order? They need to know if employees are doing this, it may put people off working for the org and prevent staff with mental health issues from accessing support or informing the org about their needs

I have to disagree. Not normal anywhere I have ever worked.

Some people really aren’t very nice OP . You’ve just learnt who to steer clear of in this workplace .

They may be overworked as a result of the colleagues absence and they may just have had enough if they think their problems aren’t genuine .

You can’t know yet , just carry on with your job and be wary . Time will tell whether it’s time to look for a new job

MrsMcisaCt
Wish I was very young -but I’m not and I certainly haven’t lived a sheltered life . I know people gossip , I know people can be unkind.But the mimicking of someone hyper ventilating when they were having a panic attack to me was just cruel . Also unprofessional I was stood well within earshot .

NHS by any chance? Toxic either way. And miserably predictable.

That’s awful. You know now who to avoid.

In my experience a bit of gossip is normal but what the OP describes is beyond gossip and totally unacceptable.

Having said that, you don't know the situation so I'd be tempted to just clear of those colleagues if you can

Sadly some people are arseholes. I would be polite but not engage with them as you will likely be this toxic lots next target ,and you’ve just joined. If they were actually abusing a fellow worker , rather than being petty gossips then I would definitely intervene, but until you’ve proved yourself to the management I wouldn’t start picking battles. I expect others are well aware how nasty they are , unfortunately you cannot pick colleagues, but what goes around tends to come around.

not Normal in my workplaces either. Where do people work where this shit happens on the regular?

Not normal and possibly comes up against the Equality Act (creating a hostile/degrading environment surrounding a disability... and it may well be classified as a disability).

In one place I worked (hospital) one woman out on stress leave, her medical cert was passed around. I didn’t stay long in that job.

There's always a (small) chance that the person who's off is not genuinely ill at all and has become notorious as a drama king/queen. I used to know a fake fainter who also did panic attacks, she only did it in certain situations and for those who knew her well it was obvious (e.g. sudden recovery if a certain person stopped fussing over her in her "faint", and she as much as admitted it once or twice). I actually quite liked her but we all certainly got bored with her very transparent attention seeking.

That's probably what I'd cling to, hope it's something like that rather than that your new colleagues are really that callous.

Where I used to work you would get into a lot of trouble acting like that. I dont think its normal either but people can be nasty cant they.

I’ve come across nasty people like that in places I’ve worked. I give people like that a wide berth. YANBU OP but unless you join in with these people then you are not complicit in this behaviour and it’s no reason to leave your job if you like it on the whole.

I have to say that it sounds awful, however, in one place where I was employed, one truly abysmal ‘worker’ was constantly off sick with one imaginary complaint or another. The person feigned vomiting at work, claimed injury (which amazingly happened when no-one was around to witness) came in late with the most ridiculous excuses, promising to stay later to make up for it, but was then witnessed to leave as soon as they thought the coast was clear. The rest of the team obviously had to pick up the slack and morale was understandably low.

Unfortunately, as this was social services, very little happened for a long time and several staff left, unable to tolerate the situation. Ultimately, the person was moved to a different unit under the guise of a higher position. I felt sorry for the unsuspecting team who got lumbered. It shouldn’t happen. Shirkers should be sacked.

Maybe the person being spoken about was similar. Our team had to let go of our anger and frustration by speculating on the next excuse which would be proffered by our colleague - they deserved a prize for their outrageous imagination.

We did have a couple of women who probably would have done something like that. One left before she was managed out, and the other was managed out.

They had already bullied one person so much that she had to have time off due to stress, then they eventually left.

I was thinking something similar.
To mock a person with genuine mental health issues would be hideous, but I've worked with a faker in the past. Some things she did:
Claimed to be allergic to certain foods, then seen tucking into those food on other occasions.
Came into work with various things bandaged & strapped up - always with a martyred look on her face - so you felt obliged to ask what was wrong & sympathise.
If you'd been to Tenerife, she'd been to Twentyerife - always done everything you'd done, except bigger & better.
Invented pretend boyfriends - never had a photo, got details wrong the next time she talked about him. Exhausting.
Did we laugh about her behind her back? Of course. I did ultimately feel sorry for her as she was such a fantasist & attention-seeker, she must have been lacking something in her life.