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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Some) men and their ridiculous comments

175 replies

crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:19

AIBU? Please tell me if I was totally reasonable or a grumpy antisocial knackered mother who needs to be nicer.

I’m in a local convenience store, pushing my DD in her pram. She’s fast asleep and covered up, with the hood over her. She therefore can’t be seen. I’m minding my own, thinking about what to have for dinner tonight when a store assistant looks at me and says ‘I hope there’s a baby in there somewhere.’

I suppose I could have laughed and said ‘oh yes, my daughter, she’s sleeping hahaha (you’re really funny) etc’ but instead my brain chose this -

‘Well yes, of course. Otherwise why would I be pushing a pram.’

He then launches into some prattle about ‘you’d be surprised, the people that come in here with empty prams’ - which then made me think he was talking about shoplifters (again, thanks brain).

I just wandered off while he wittered on.

Am I awful? I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business.

OP posts:
TippityTappingLikeAWaterboatman · 06/03/2023 13:32

It is a thing we constantly find ourselves doing laughing at something men say that's not funny just so they'll piss off and leave us alone quickly, although that laugh can be seen as a green light for unwanted attention in the future.
Women I know who are not shoplifters take empty prams shopping as their wheels can be really good for rural areas but I've no idea what he meant. Sometimes people say something just for something to say that's probably just what he was doing.

OneTC · 06/03/2023 13:37

he probably was sounding you out as a potential shoplifter

Rahrahrahraah · 06/03/2023 13:39

People (men and women) say unfunny things sometimes 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mialouu · 06/03/2023 13:41

I'd have taken it as a joke, but your reply then made it not a joke.

BrothelBastard · 06/03/2023 13:44

"I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business"

I hear you about this, OP.

It's all meant to look very innocent. Just a joke. Just making conversation. But these types of men never ever make these unsolicited jokes when women are with men, or to lone men. Funny that.

I always have my headphones in (even if I have nothing playing) and just absolutely resolutely ignore anyone I don't know trying to make conversation with me in public. Unbelievably men have actually tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention for their inane bullshit. Cunts.

CrystalCoco · 06/03/2023 13:45

I think your reply was on point. Personally I'm sick of pandering to (some) men and their idiotic comments / desire to insert themselves where they're neither needed nor wanted.

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:47

BrothelBastard · 06/03/2023 13:44

"I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business"

I hear you about this, OP.

It's all meant to look very innocent. Just a joke. Just making conversation. But these types of men never ever make these unsolicited jokes when women are with men, or to lone men. Funny that.

I always have my headphones in (even if I have nothing playing) and just absolutely resolutely ignore anyone I don't know trying to make conversation with me in public. Unbelievably men have actually tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention for their inane bullshit. Cunts.

Right?! Sadly I’ve had the same happen to me when I’ve had headphones on too (in an underpass no less, which was mildly terrifying).

OP posts:
NotyourMrs · 06/03/2023 13:48

OneTC · 06/03/2023 13:37

he probably was sounding you out as a potential shoplifter

In this context, I think it was this too.

whatadayforadaydream · 06/03/2023 13:49

Yep, know exactly what you are talking about. Oddly I found I got loads of those comments when I had a baby. Or maybe it was just when I was youger. I don't seem to get them anymore, and I don't fake laugh anymore either.

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:49

CrystalCoco · 06/03/2023 13:45

I think your reply was on point. Personally I'm sick of pandering to (some) men and their idiotic comments / desire to insert themselves where they're neither needed nor wanted.

Thanks @CrystalCoco - I was torn between ‘you’re being an unfriendly arsehole’ and ‘I’m really sick of (some) men and their need to say just fucking anything to
women’ but now I feel fine!

OP posts:
Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:50

NotyourMrs · 06/03/2023 13:48

In this context, I think it was this too.

Show quote history

I think perhaps he was - but if I was going to do it I would have picked a more high-end establishment 😆

OP posts:
BrothelBastard · 06/03/2023 13:51

Perhaps he was sounding you out as a potential shoplifter. Perhaps he wasn't.

I just wonder how many lone men with a seemingly empty pushchair he'd have made the same joke to, eh?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 13:56

I dont think he was actually trying to be funny or making a joke tbh. I dont actually think it has anything to do with him being a man either. It sounds like the shop has been targeted by shoplifters using a prams so was just asking directly if you have a baby in there, you admit yourself you couldnt see her.

Maybe be offended he thought you were a shoplifter rather than being offended he asked you a direct question.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 06/03/2023 14:00

I had a "keep smiling" from a random man last week. I am 70 fucking years old.

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 14:03

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 06/03/2023 14:00

I had a "keep smiling" from a random man last week. I am 70 fucking years old.

Urgh. Fuck! That is just… I don’t even know what to say.

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 06/03/2023 14:05

Fgs sake, think of so me witty banter to make up back and chill out.
It's life people talk thankfully, but they can't always please you. You need to learn how to cope.

Instead of coping, you've stored it
Up all your anger and got home and put it on the Internet.

RichardHeed · 06/03/2023 14:07

I dont think he was actually trying to be funny or making a joke tbh. I dont actually think it has anything to do with him being a man either. It sounds like the shop has been targeted by shoplifters using a prams so was just asking directly if you have a baby in there, you admit yourself you couldnt see her.
I agree with all of this. It’s a very common way of shoplifting, primarily by women (so the male pushing a pram whataboutery doesn’t work tbh).

There’s a absolutely times when random
men and their comments need to be told to fuck
off, this wasn’t one of them. Retail
workers are under a lot of pressure to reduce shoplifting as it’s becoming very prolific due to COL.

GasPanic · 06/03/2023 14:09

Generally in life when you meet people in close proximity they will say something to you, it's normally a social interaction to reduce the feeling of threat and social tension. Not all these interactions are guaranteed to be funny or entertaining and often might be quite tedious if the same thing is repeated time and time again.

You are not obliged to do anything, but I guess you can either smile, or say something polite back and both of you can go on your way, or you can react aggressively, or say nothing or glower or say something unpleasant.

My feeling is that the first option makes for a better world and generally makes me feel better about my day and hopefully makes the other person feel ok too. I guess I am in that small minority that believes people should try to interact politely with each other in public (even though the process may be a bit tedious sometimes) and the world is a better place for that, rather than reacting angrily every time someone dares to say something to me.

Zebedee999 · 06/03/2023 14:17

I do a lot of walking and speak to anyone young/old/male/female/single/group etc. Sometimes just a simple "good morning" other times a comment about something near by (group of cygnets for example). Some people then strike up a conversation and others blank me. I'm guessing the OP is in the latter group. I enjoy interacting with the former group and have made some nice friendships that way. It had never occured to me that some people feel irked by basic human interactions.

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 14:27

Zebedee999 · 06/03/2023 14:17

I do a lot of walking and speak to anyone young/old/male/female/single/group etc. Sometimes just a simple "good morning" other times a comment about something near by (group of cygnets for example). Some people then strike up a conversation and others blank me. I'm guessing the OP is in the latter group. I enjoy interacting with the former group and have made some nice friendships that way. It had never occured to me that some people feel irked by basic human interactions.

Actually not in the latter group at all - despite my interaction today. Bit of a stretch to just write me off based on one interaction, surely? I talk to other parents in the park, at the school gates, in passing in the street if there is some particular reason to. My job is all about connecting and creating relationships - so I am left wondering why this particular person got the worst of me today. As I inferred in my post, I think perhaps I’ve just had enough of men saying things at me when there just isn’t a need.

OP posts:
AffIt · 06/03/2023 14:33

perhaps I’ve just had enough of men saying things at me when there just isn’t a need

But as PPs have mentioned, it is a very common shoplifting tactic and the vast majority of offenders who steal in this way are female (don't get me started on the reasons why women are more likely to shoplift - that's a whole other discussion around the inherent position of women as default carers, the need to eat and the fact that CoL is affecting women and children most harshly).

If we're going full #BeKind at this one, perhaps this shopkeeper has suffered a lot of losses recently and was trying to turn his anxiety into a poorly-made joke?

maddy68 · 06/03/2023 14:35

Get a grip

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 14:38

If we're going full #BeKind at this one, perhaps this shopkeeper has suffered a lot of losses recently and was trying to turn his anxiety into a poorly-made joke?

It was one shop assistant in a store with several. Like a Budgens. I didn’t make that very clear above though, I realise.

OP posts:
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 06/03/2023 14:38

BrothelBastard · 06/03/2023 13:44

"I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business"

I hear you about this, OP.

It's all meant to look very innocent. Just a joke. Just making conversation. But these types of men never ever make these unsolicited jokes when women are with men, or to lone men. Funny that.

I always have my headphones in (even if I have nothing playing) and just absolutely resolutely ignore anyone I don't know trying to make conversation with me in public. Unbelievably men have actually tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention for their inane bullshit. Cunts.

I’ve had that from a man in a shop. Being tapped and then them miming taking my earphones out, so they can say something desperately inane.

For some men, they feel entitled to a woman’s attention. Those men can get fucked.

Original poster
crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 14:41

Anyway! Thanks for all of your responses. Not a shoplifter, just a tired Mum/arsehole to
some, who could do with just being left alone as I make my way around a shop, bothering nobody. The school run beckons.

OP posts: