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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

(Some) men and their ridiculous comments

175 replies

crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:19

AIBU? Please tell me if I was totally reasonable or a grumpy antisocial knackered mother who needs to be nicer.

I’m in a local convenience store, pushing my DD in her pram. She’s fast asleep and covered up, with the hood over her. She therefore can’t be seen. I’m minding my own, thinking about what to have for dinner tonight when a store assistant looks at me and says ‘I hope there’s a baby in there somewhere.’

I suppose I could have laughed and said ‘oh yes, my daughter, she’s sleeping hahaha (you’re really funny) etc’ but instead my brain chose this -

‘Well yes, of course. Otherwise why would I be pushing a pram.’

He then launches into some prattle about ‘you’d be surprised, the people that come in here with empty prams’ - which then made me think he was talking about shoplifters (again, thanks brain).

I just wandered off while he wittered on.

Am I awful? I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business.

OP posts:
MithrilCostsMore · 06/03/2023 18:46

*by a woman

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 19:04

I hate this too!

It happened just the other day. I was walking to the shops, carrying a parcel, minding my own business. I passed 2 men (working) and one says "Anything nice in there?" I reply 'no' and keep walking. He then yells after me "Don't want to give it to me then?!"

I mean just why?? Leave me the fuck alone. I'm also really annoyed with myself that I responded, I wish I had just ignored the prick and kept walking.

No way would he have said that to a man, or if I was walking with my DH. It's infuriating.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 19:11

SerafinasGoose · 06/03/2023 17:38

Mumsnet members are people who exist in real life, and in offline contexts. We don't disappear in a puff of pixels at midnight.

Because of my work, my circle is from people who go to shindigs with the Royal family, to people on council estates. They are all normal to me, each and every one of them, not one person I know in real life would be bothered by stranger, man or woman speaking to them. Especially if it was someone actually doing their job!Honestly its weird af!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 19:17

I guess I'll just file it with weird ass people who don't answer their doors and people who don't answer their phones. Again only something I've ever seen on MN and never in real life.

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 19:29

They are all normal to me, each and every one of them, not one person I know in real life would be bothered by stranger, man or woman speaking to them.

How could you possibly know this? 🙄

And you really don't think women care about strange men approaching them/ yelling things after them in the street/ wherever?

They do.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 19:34

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 19:29

They are all normal to me, each and every one of them, not one person I know in real life would be bothered by stranger, man or woman speaking to them.

How could you possibly know this? 🙄

And you really don't think women care about strange men approaching them/ yelling things after them in the street/ wherever?

They do.

There is a massive difference between someone shouting at you in the street and someone speaking to you! Op was not accosted in the street she's spoken to by a shop worker doing his job!

SerafinasGoose · 06/03/2023 19:41

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 19:17

I guess I'll just file it with weird ass people who don't answer their doors and people who don't answer their phones. Again only something I've ever seen on MN and never in real life.

Yeah, bastard, door-barricading heathens. They're all going straight to hell. HELL, I tell ye!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/03/2023 19:48

SerafinasGoose · 06/03/2023 19:41

Yeah, bastard, door-barricading heathens. They're all going straight to hell. HELL, I tell ye!

What a Mumnsnetty comment, I tell Ye Wink

BadNomad · 06/03/2023 19:59

Hey now! I neither answer the door nor the phone, but I still talk to shop workers (only if they have spoken to me first)!

saltrock123 · 06/03/2023 20:04

Smile ! As said by a random old man passing by. My mum had just died.😥

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 20:08

Op was not accosted in the street she's spoken to by a shop worker doing his job!

It's not his job to make smart-arse comments to people.

SamanthaCaine · 06/03/2023 20:21

crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 17:06

I didn’t react to this man in this way because he was ‘a lowly shop prole’ - Jesus! I made absolutely no reference to this man’s work. Way to read into something. My post was about inane rubbish that some men come out with when you neither invited it or wanted it.

Sounds like you just don't want to accept that a shop assistant might be doing their job.

They don't have the benefit of knowing every single customer so you saying you're not a shoplifter on MN is of no use to them. It's meaningless.

Ultimately you're happy to label some men as being peats but don't like being labelled yourself. Irony.

SamanthaCaine · 06/03/2023 20:36

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 20:08

Op was not accosted in the street she's spoken to by a shop worker doing his job!

It's not his job to make smart-arse comments to people.

Cracking a joke is a good way to assess the disposition of a potential shoplifter.

dottypotter · 07/03/2023 00:03

Shock horror, one human being talks to another on this planet.

Thank god they do. Do we all want to be walking round like Zombies.

Welshmonster · 07/03/2023 00:30

Shop staff are being told not to challenge shoplifters as the owners don’t want to pay compensation or find staff to cover.
in our local shop there’s no prams. People take their bag for life, steal whatever blatantly as shop workers know who they are and they don’t even bat an eyelid.

it’s rude to accuse you of shoplifting without proof as well. I complained to a manager at a large supermarket as I packed my own bag as didn’t want to clean a basket during covid. Queuing in self checkout during a lockdown after working in school all day and the security guard had a pop at me for using my own bag instead of a basket as I was shoplifting.

manager said they have theft through the self checkout. Why use them then and remove jobs from people!!!

Sammz21 · 07/03/2023 01:06

I was on holiday recently & had so many guys (usually old) walk by me when I was eating at a cafe & say 'yummy' or 'bon appetit' or 'that looks nice'
wtf just leave me alone!
as a lone female & found it quite intimidating.
They usually had wives with them too.
Maybe they're just been friendly, I just found it annoying.

Fraaahnces · 07/03/2023 01:11

I was complaining about how when I am trying to go about my business, I keep getting stopped by “bloody men” who think I have nothing better to do than “be friendly” to my DH a while ago and he minimized it, of course. I dared him to follow me around the supermarket while I was doing a big shop for the family (with my EarPods in) and watch how often it happens. Now I’m no supermodel. Just a garden-variety, middle-aged woman. I suspect the fact that I’m short and blonde makes me appear more approachable to these idiots, but my attitude by the end of my shopping does not. Anyhow, he was utterly gobsmacked at the taps on the shoulder or slaps on the back, the repeated shouts for attention, etc… the old blokes following me while I shopped, blabbing at me about what I was putting in my trolley and asking questions about my family situation (and getting short shrift). Funniest part of the experience though was when an older lady came up to me and said “Did you know there’s a young man who’s been following you all around the supermarket? You be careful, dear!” and pointed out my DH! (He didn’t find that nearly as funny as I did.)

BrightSaturn · 07/03/2023 01:39

I’m with you OP. I made a promise to myself a few years ago to not laugh at men’s rubbish jokes, even if it makes the situation a bit awkward.

it’s freeing.

TomPinch · 07/03/2023 02:03

HazyDragon · 06/03/2023 20:08

Op was not accosted in the street she's spoken to by a shop worker doing his job!

It's not his job to make smart-arse comments to people.

"Excuse me. I need to check your pram in case you're a shoplifter."

Just imagine the thread on MN.

echt · 07/03/2023 03:04

There's nothing in this to make it more a thing a man would say.

YABU.

snitzelvoncrumb · 07/03/2023 04:27

Just think of the hour you saved yourself listening to crap!

Goodread1 · 07/03/2023 04:59

It depends what is perceived as offensive obviously that is subjective to everybody,

It is the era of being offended by anything or anybody .

Have you ever tried of online shopping @crimsonpeak ?

You would love it,
Be in your element

I have experienced something Similar that would be classed as offensive,
So I do get your point in certain interactions, it depends,

I did use to not so long wonder what was the point of small talk,
and it used to stress me out, wondering what to say react in situations with men and women of what to reply to inane Some Talk ,

i since realised small talk is way of lubricating social interactions so we as humans are less threatening perseived and also like verbal foreplay prepares us for proper communication appitude, like a taster starters "hors de hor", at a restaurant ect,

Having a chat with someone I vaguely know in a pub setting weatherspoons

He was talking about travelling abroad certain places and he wouldn't mind travelling again somewhere
then he mentions,
He be OK about travelling with him as a friend in a camper van asking as I didn't FART , what the fuck,
Did he randomly 😳 say that,

It's like they lull into thinking they are ok, and randomly bam they come out with Bloky Bantz attemp,
There's nothing funny about it,
I am open minded and Di have a sense of humour,
But don't see this as particularly funny,
So I just don't bother sitting by him anymore or try to ignore him as possible,

I have also something else similar comment with my friends grown up son,
Familiarity breeds Cormfortable Arkward random weirdness moment by certain some men,

I do like socialising but only with some certain people , not everyone though

Goodread1 · 07/03/2023 05:02

Oops I ment to say someone I vaguely knew he said randomly weirdly ,as long as I didn't FART, I was welcome to travel with him,
His attempt at Bloky Bantz humour,

WTF,
I am not your your brother or your male mate,

What a weird thing to say to someone you are just getting to know better

Goodread1 · 07/03/2023 05:13

Oops typo mistake
I ment to say small talk,
Not (some( talk

Andypandy799 · 07/03/2023 06:25

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