(Some) men and their ridiculous comments

[crimsonpeak]

AIBU? Please tell me if I was totally reasonable or a grumpy antisocial knackered mother who needs to be nicer.

I’m in a local convenience store, pushing my DD in her pram. She’s fast asleep and covered up, with the hood over her. She therefore can’t be seen. I’m minding my own, thinking about what to have for dinner tonight when a store assistant looks at me and says ‘I hope there’s a baby in there somewhere.’

I suppose I could have laughed and said ‘oh yes, my daughter, she’s sleeping hahaha (you’re really funny) etc’ but instead my brain chose this -

‘Well yes, of course. Otherwise why would I be pushing a pram.’

He then launches into some prattle about ‘you’d be surprised, the people that come in here with empty prams’ - which then made me think he was talking about shoplifters (again, thanks brain).

I just wandered off while he wittered on.

Am I awful? I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business.

He wasn't just a random man, though. He was a store assistant. I'd think he was eyeing you as a potential shoplifter but he was trying to be pleasant about it.

I push my son's empty buggy down to his childminders to collect him every afternoon and on two occasions now have had men shout at me from cars 'You forgot the baby!'

😤

He could just as easily have asked 'may I help you at all?', or 'were you looking for something in particular?' That in itself would have told her someone had her in their sights; or perhaps it wouldn't, depending on whether she was considering pilfering their shelves or not.

Instead, he asked if there was a baby in the pram

Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.

Just sounds like standard inane small talk. What's weird is to give it any headspace whatsoever.

I chat with random strangers all the time in this way. I like feeling part of a community, and think that if everyone did it the world would be a much nicer place. I didn’t realise it might be construed as invasive. If someone doesn’t want to chat they just don’t, fine with me. I just know I’ve done my bit to pass on a bit of human interaction.

I think quite a few people on Mumsnet are very accepting of any old treatment if someone tries to justify it with "just doing my job" or "I'm trying to make sure you are not breaking the law" kind of BS excuse for their behaviour.

He could have. What I'm saying is he wasn't just some random man approaching her making chitchat. He had a purpose. Personally, I don't think her answer was stupid so I think you're being a bit harsh on the op there.

Thankyou @SerafinasGoose - this is exactly it. And no, I was not shoplifting nor considering doing so - and for anyone needing to do it at this time due to COL, then I feel for them. (Yes I know there are food banks etc). Once again, thanks for all the responses, they’ve given me food for thought.

There was another thread on here recently by a woman who got annoyed at a store assistant for not talking to her while he scanned her shopping. It ended up with him in tears. And people said she was right and he was rude and shouldn't be working in a customer facing job if he was just going to ignore customers

Now here is you getting annoyed at a store assistant for talking to you. They can't win.

I run a small shop with my family. We don't talk to people cos we're friendly, although we are friendly, we talk to people (men and women) to see how they react primarily and also because it does actually make most people feel welcome.

Regardless of what you ask, it could be how you doing, or how can I help you, a certain percentage of people will always react badly because lowly shop proles shouldn't be talking to them.

I could understand OP if she was in the street being approached by random men with random nonsense but she's in someone's shop, anyone in the shop is fair game. If you don't like how they do things go somewhere else, I'm sure they won't miss you.

Here I am, yes. There is a difference here. I wasn’t being served. I was walking down an aisle, minding my own business. I make small talk with staff on the till like most people. I think I do get a say in whether I want to interact with people. I didn’t invite this nor wanted it - and to boot it was sort of suggested that I might be thinking of shoplifting.

This is genuinely shop life. 😅

I tend to look at people blankly when I'm on the receiving end of a daft / stupid comment. They either have to explain themselves or just drop it.

I didn’t react to this man in this way because he was ‘a lowly shop prole’ - Jesus! I made absolutely no reference to this man’s work. Way to read into something. My post was about inane rubbish that some men come out with when you neither invited it or wanted it.

I’m glad you wandered away while he wittered on. I also wear headphones when I go shopping to avoid having to engage with men who think I owe them my time just so I can listen to their silly/sexist/vacuous comments.

I once walked past a group of men who leered “good morning darling” at me and shouted that I was rude when I didn’t reply. They were lucky I had my 4 year old with me as the response I had at the tip of my tongue would have shown them what ‘rude’ really sounds like. Pricks.

Absolutely no reason why you should be friendly to a stranger if you’re not in the mood.

How has him being a man got anything to do with it? Female store assistant try to make conversation too. They're probably all told to interact with customers. To be the friendly faces of the company. I think you need to start doing your grocery shopping online if you don't want people who work there to talk to you.

I swear half of MN live on another planet compared to most normal folk in real life, its utterly bizarre.

I can imagine some folk on this thread sitting eating a meal in a restaurant then being totally offended if the waiter came over during their meal to ask if everything is ok.
I mean after all You probably 'didn’t invite this nor wanted it' obviously make small talk at the till when you leave but dont have any small talk with any other staff members. its bonkers!

Well - I’m quite happy to live on my planet and not yours! There is a world of difference between engaging in polite small talk at the till and being asked a stupid question while you mind your own business doing your shopping. If you can’t see that, well 😆

Mumsnet members are people who exist in real life, and in offline contexts. We don't disappear in a puff of pixels at midnight.

I can't get worked up about either sex passing comment to me, funny or not.

With you OP - the amount of inane ‘funny comments’ made by random little men to try & be clever is insane.

going for a walk in well known woods after work. Parking car & spot a loose dog behind it so stop before I hit it. Dog owner, instead of controlling said dog decides I need help parking and waves his arms around directing me. As I walk off ‘where’s your dog?’ Don’t have one I reply, ‘ ‘no dog! take a cat then!’

endless comments when running ‘you won’t win any races at that pace’ ‘get running then’ (as I am walking to cool down). One was a MAMIL.

supermarket, booze area. ‘’make sure you buy the right beer luv’

Solidarity @Brightshinylight !

With you OP - the amount of inane ‘funny comments’ made by random little men to try & be clever is insane.

But he wasn't a "random little man". He worked in the shop. It's a community place. It's not like he was hitting on her or stalking her. He didn't pursue her when she cut him dead.
Blimey, the way to give offence keeps on growing.

I have a skin condition that leaves nasty sores on my face. A male GP said I shouldn't leave the house when it was bad as it wasn't nice for other people y on look at. Men stop me in the street and ask me what's wrong with my face. Or in shops when I'm being served by them. I've NEVER been asked by a Albany what's wrong with my face.