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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Some) men and their ridiculous comments

175 replies

crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:19

AIBU? Please tell me if I was totally reasonable or a grumpy antisocial knackered mother who needs to be nicer.

I’m in a local convenience store, pushing my DD in her pram. She’s fast asleep and covered up, with the hood over her. She therefore can’t be seen. I’m minding my own, thinking about what to have for dinner tonight when a store assistant looks at me and says ‘I hope there’s a baby in there somewhere.’

I suppose I could have laughed and said ‘oh yes, my daughter, she’s sleeping hahaha (you’re really funny) etc’ but instead my brain chose this -

‘Well yes, of course. Otherwise why would I be pushing a pram.’

He then launches into some prattle about ‘you’d be surprised, the people that come in here with empty prams’ - which then made me think he was talking about shoplifters (again, thanks brain).

I just wandered off while he wittered on.

Am I awful? I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business.

OP posts:
NastyNiff · 07/03/2023 06:28

I liked the man's weak joke, OP.
But I don't like it when they tell me how to cross the road, etc.

herecomesthsun · 07/03/2023 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The Karen thing came about because of misogyny. HTH

dawngreen · 07/03/2023 06:40

He thought you might be a shoplifter. A shoplifter in my area walks around with a pushchair. She tags onto groups of mums and acts like a group member. Then she shoplifts. She gets arrested but she still carry's on.

Zipadeebooyah · 07/03/2023 06:45

He's looking for a response like, "nah, no baby. It's full to the brim with gin from the alcohol aisle."

And then you both laugh and part ways feeling a little cheerier about the day.

That would be my first reaction in the situation. I think we're just very different people @crimsonpeak

SpicyTomatos · 07/03/2023 06:48

The idea that men, particularly those with babies, do not receive unsolicited comments is quite amusing.

speakout · 07/03/2023 06:48

I pulled into an almost empty Tesco car park at 8am on a Sunday morning, to pick up milk- one item.
I parked my car, there were a dozen empty spaces either side - I knew I was going to be only a few minutes so I ignored the parking bay lines.
As I was getting out the car a man was bellowing and walking quickly in my direction, and when he came close said " You bloody women- look at the way you've parked!"

I took a couple of steps nearer until I was inches from his face and said "" Why don't you just FUCK OFF".
I saw a change in his look and he scarpered.

speakout · 07/03/2023 06:51

The whole idea of the "Karen" thing is disgusting.
Another way to shut up women.

TiddlySquats · 07/03/2023 07:06

TulipCat · 06/03/2023 15:12

Good grief.
If you don't want to cope with normal social interaction, don't go out in public.

Exactly.
I've said similar when waiting in drs waiting room, post office queue etc and I'm a middle aged woman. Never had a hostile response, just a bit of friendly chat about the baby.

Backstreets · 07/03/2023 07:08

Sounds like feeble small talk to me and that you were too tired to entertain it. No damage done apart from a little awkwardness. That’s life.

Montypi · 07/03/2023 07:12

Have you considered that it may well be this man’s job to approach women with prams and make sure they’re not shoplifting? And his way to do this without directly accusing you of shoplifting is to make a little joke? Perhaps he hated the interaction more than you.
Give retail workers a bit of slack while they’re doing their jobs and having to deal with miserable people all day.

Ffariee · 07/03/2023 07:14

The shop assistant caught you on a bad day. He was insensitive to the situation and could have thought harder about what he said to you. Don’t beat yourself up about your reaction, everyone is going through their own stuff.
The comment he made wasn’t the worst I’ve heard from a man and tbh I’ve personally had worse reactions and comments from female shop assistants (I looked young when I had my first two kids and got followed around in every shop I went to)
Some of these comments are really harsh- there’s a lot of angry women on this thread!
a bit if understanding would help. There are a multitude of reasons why some people (not just men) would use inane comments as social interactions with strangers. Often, neurodiverse people mimic others and use comments like that to attempt to speak to people- they can’t read the room so struggle. It sucks if you’re taking your anger out without knowing the full story. And do we really need to use the word cunt?? We are women, why is this a choice of swear when it’s derogatory towards us??

Is there no kind way to explain to these men that you aren’t comfortable with their comments without being nasty? Il

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 07/03/2023 07:19

girlfriend44 · 06/03/2023 14:05

Fgs sake, think of so me witty banter to make up back and chill out.
It's life people talk thankfully, but they can't always please you. You need to learn how to cope.

Instead of coping, you've stored it
Up all your anger and got home and put it on the Internet.

Do you pride yourself on always sticking up for men, in any possible situation?

Are you in fact a man, in spite of your username or do you just like being obtuse?

Doone21 · 07/03/2023 07:22

So does that mean you'd have been nicer to a female shop assistant making a joke? You sound like you're being like this just cos it's a bloke.

amyds2104 · 07/03/2023 07:24

I’m confused by why gender matters here…. I think that’s a comment either a man or woman would say and gender is irrelevant. Sounds like you are overtired (understandable with the joys of motherhood) but don’t think this is an arsehole comment by a male. Just a shop worker trying to make small talk. Lots of unfunny men and unfunny women out there trying to take the mundane out of life by making small talk

amyds2104 · 07/03/2023 07:25

Doone21 · 07/03/2023 07:22

So does that mean you'd have been nicer to a female shop assistant making a joke? You sound like you're being like this just cos it's a bloke.

This is what I didn’t understand. Op Actually appeared to be quite a sexist

Forfrigz · 07/03/2023 07:25

He was probably feeling obliged to make you aware that the shop knows about such a shoplifting tactic on the off chance you were one, but he probably wouldn't have said the same to a lone bloke with a pram. To be honest I'd have said 'I find it quite sad they expect general shop staff to deter thieves these days'. As we know it can be dangerous and they are not paid anywhere near enough.

Doone21 · 07/03/2023 07:29

I mean yeah we've all been there where you just have no sense of humour left and you're annoyed by everything but it's not a man hating thing

hookiewookie29 · 07/03/2023 07:29

Just sounds like a bloke who has had his fill of people robbing the shop.....

Buildingthefuture · 07/03/2023 07:31

I think it will have been about shoplifting - prams are sadly a common tool to use and he, as the shop assistant, will have been tasked with keeping an eye out. I wouldn’t have been offended, it’s his job.
Sometimes though, people do say the most ridiculous things. Years ago, I had a very lovely but slightly dim bf. He was working in a posh food shop and said to a woman “smile, it might never happen”. Her response was….”I’ve just been diagnosed with terminal cancer” He was devastated, he’d spoken without thought and couldn’t believe he’d said it. He fell over himself apologising and took her to the till and paid for her shopping himself. I haven’t seen him for years but I’m certain he would never say anything like that again!!!

Bloopsie · 07/03/2023 07:33

Pointless comments come from both sexes imo.. lets say a baby carrying mum gets told by a random woman that she is making a rod for her own back,spoling her child etc- like who asked stranger for parenting advice?

Penguinsaregreat · 07/03/2023 07:36

You were right and he was a twat. I no longer entertain inane comments. They get the Paddington stare and I don’t engage.

SoupDragon · 07/03/2023 07:45

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 07/03/2023 07:19

Do you pride yourself on always sticking up for men, in any possible situation?

Are you in fact a man, in spite of your username or do you just like being obtuse?

Show quote history

What a ridiculous response 🙄

BetterFuture1985 · 07/03/2023 07:48

crimsonpeak · 06/03/2023 13:19

AIBU? Please tell me if I was totally reasonable or a grumpy antisocial knackered mother who needs to be nicer.

I’m in a local convenience store, pushing my DD in her pram. She’s fast asleep and covered up, with the hood over her. She therefore can’t be seen. I’m minding my own, thinking about what to have for dinner tonight when a store assistant looks at me and says ‘I hope there’s a baby in there somewhere.’

I suppose I could have laughed and said ‘oh yes, my daughter, she’s sleeping hahaha (you’re really funny) etc’ but instead my brain chose this -

‘Well yes, of course. Otherwise why would I be pushing a pram.’

He then launches into some prattle about ‘you’d be surprised, the people that come in here with empty prams’ - which then made me think he was talking about shoplifters (again, thanks brain).

I just wandered off while he wittered on.

Am I awful? I just CBA with men and their need to say anything to lone women minding their business.

Sounds like he was just trying to be sociable. I mean, I don't like strangers being sociable anymore than you, but it's polite to just grin and bear it!

However, I'm a man, so in my experience more often than not it is weird elderly women commenting on how tall I am, as though I haven't noticed. I also get a lot of women coming up to me to tell me my son looks like me too, as if I haven't noticed that either. I also get men coming up to me to tall about "the football" because my sons wear football shirts. I don't follow football at all 😂

Pipsquiggle · 07/03/2023 07:55

I work in retail.

Some determined (and professional) shop lifters do use empty prams to nick stuff.

As he could not see your baby he was probably (clumsily) trying to work out which camp you were in.

For profit protection, staff are encouraged to chat to customers if they suspect something and it is not dangerous to do so - this is a common approach across lots of different retailers

Ilkleymoor · 07/03/2023 08:00

He was probably bored but men aren't socialised to say something equally banal but more normal like aw fast asleep then or enjoy the break.

But yes I do entirely get the can't be bothered thing. I was pushing son once in the buggy and he was wearing my gloves so looked daft as he was about two. A fella comes past and says ooh those are some gloves! I said yes, he has very big hands, we're very sensitive about it and carried on walking.

No idea why, it wasn't particularly offensive, I was just tired and bored of non comedy comments.