To think this was a little bit "off"?

[susiesuelou]

I took my DD (just turned 2) swimming yesterday to a place we haven't been before. When we came out there was a little cafe and small toddler play area inside the cafe, with a little play kitchen and a few toys etc. I got a coffee for me and my friend and a snack for toddler, and we sat at a table very near to the play area as my toddler had already ran over to the little kitchen to play. Friend and I were sitting chatting and drinking our coffees watching toddler play. Next moment, a lady arrives at the table next to us with a small baby and toddler who looked similar in age to my DD. He ran over to play next to my DD and showed interest in the toys she was playing with (a little pretend till and an abacus type thing). He stood beside her looking at the toys and at my DD as toddlers do. All good so far. I cheerily said to DD "are you going to play with the little boy darling? You must share" etc. Obviously she's still very young so the concept of sharing is a new one. The little boy started to play with the till and DD looked at me and started to cry. I reiterated to her "you need to share sweetheart, why not play with something else?"

I then smiled across at the mum of the toddler and said "she's only just turned 2, she doesn't really understand sharing yet, we are trying though". I smiled as I said this in a sort of 'it's bloody hard isn't it' solidarity type way, thinking she would get it having a child of a similar age. She didnt smile back and just sharply said "yeah he's 2 as well".

I continued talking to my friend, one eye on DD. She was pressing buttons on the till as well as the little boy. The other mum then stood up, went over to where they were playing, reached over the top of my DD's head and took the till, and moved it to the other side of the little play area. Her son followed and began playing with it by himself. My DD just watched then looked at me and burst out crying. I went over to her and tried to distract with another toy and said nothing to the mum. I was annoyed though, thinking was that really necessary? They weren't fighting over the toy, they were just playing side by side and learning to share as 2 year olds do. Also, I attempted to engage her in friendly conversation about it so would have felt nicer if she had maybe addressed me and said "oh I know it's hard isn't it, shall I move this over here and then they don't fight over it" or something similar. Anything really other than just silently removing a toy away from my DD unnecessarily.

The whole interaction just felt really off. I've been to many a soft play / parks etc with DD and got chatting to many mums of toddlers. I've never come across anyone as stony and "off" as this. Maybe that's why it threw me. Usually other mums of toddlers get what's it's like and are friendly in their understanding of what it's like to parent a 2 year old. I get all mums won't be as friendly but this was just bizarre.

Not sure why I'm posting. Just for some perspective I suppose as I'm not sure why this upset me and wonder if I am overthinking this or if it seems a normal thing to do?

Oh fgs, Mumsnet has got really weird and antagonistic lately.

You did nothing wrong OP. She was rude and her kid will grow up to be too if she’s not careful! But just brush it off. As you sensibly decided, it wasn’t worth getting into a battle over.

I understand the point about not instilling the value in my DD of you must always "be kind" and please people etc. But I don't think that's what this was. I think learning to share is different and I personally think it's important to teach her this when she's playing in a public space.

There’s a fine line between not being a ‘people pleaser’ and future dickhead though.
Raising kids not to share just fuels this entitled generation we seem to have these days - sharing is a skill that should be encouraged.

If you actively encourage people to raise selfish kids, that says more about you than you think 🙂

But you did the wrong thing! At nursery, the children are told to choose from the shelves, not from other children's hands. The boy had the till so she couldn't 'share' it with him. If she was in my class she would have been distracted away from the till immediately an adult spotted this happening. The two children are not friends playing together they are strangers playing near each other. I wouldn't even describe the situation as playing alongside as that indicates that they are aware of each other and moving towards wanting to play together.

Maybe I'm reading it wrong...but it sounds like they were sharing, pressing buttons together (and not shouting/crying at the other about touching it) and the other mum decided sharing actually meant 'give exclusive access to' so when it wasn't graciously handed over, it wasn't being shared enough.

I agree OP, totally off on her part.

I don't think this is worth another thought - next time try not interfering in the interaction at all, or drawing attention to it, and let it develop naturally.

Two year olds don't need to share. Honestly. If your little one was playing with something and the other child wanted it too, I would have said something like "you can play with it for 5 more minutes and then find something else so the little boy can have a turn". I also would have happily said something gently to the other child like "'x is playing with this right now, but you can have a turn in a few minutes"

Did you miss the part where my DD was playing with the till first, when the little boy approached?

She was a dick. I know the type and you were trying to share and be nice.

She wanted her kid to have what he wanted and didn't care about what she had to do to get it. So she took a toy of a crying two year old who was there first.

Unfortunately age has taught me you can't judge everyone by your own standard.

This is also what it felt like to me

So if you are in a library reading a book it's fine if I take it off you?

I do agree that your daughter didn't need telling to share, had i been her I would have told my son to wait his turn.
Some people are selfish dicks, you need to teach her to not just give up what she wants because someone else is being a dick about it. I would have taken her over to the till after she'd moved it and said "it's OK, we can both play with it, it's for everybody, we're sharing aren't we".

They aren't HER 'precious things' they're toys in a public place for all children to play with!

Oh fgs, Mumsnet has got really weird and antagonistic lately.

I love how the OP is being criticised for sharing & not sharing & ignoring! Clearly some posters are bored with too much time on their hands.

Yes!

I wish I had the confidence to respond like this. I didn't want any confrontation and she was so frosty that I don't think this would have ended well.

She WAS sharing, they were both playing with it.

I’m on my third toddler now and you can never win with this shit.

Whatever you do will be wrong.

Make them share and it’s all “why should you make them share?”

Don’t tell them to share and you are the devil.

Other parents have been the bane of my existence, everyone thinks they know best.

They children sort it out if you leave them to it. Or they just scream at each other.

So if you are in a library reading a book it's fine if I take it off you?

🙄

Fari enough she does sound oddly hostile

I don’t think either is in the wrong. The other mum may have thought your child had finished with it and moved it so she didn’t have to deal with a potential argument. I don’t think you did anything wrong either. Honestly, I don’t think I’d give this a second thought.

Aparantly so.

Sharing doesn't mean drop what you're doing and give it to the other person immediately.

I do tell my children to wait their turn though if someone is playing with something they want.

I wouldt expect another child to give something up for them.

However, I don’t give a shit how other parents handle things. Life’s too short.

I don’t think it was anything to do with you, she was just an unfriendly person.